No Need For Hama! The Series
by Kairi 'Shadow Sage' Taylor
Summary: Sean Cassidy & Emma Frost, quite an odd apiring, eh? So, what brought them together? Good question...
1. Jubilee's Revenge Director's Cut

**Jubilee's Revenge: Director's Cut**
    
    **(Or How Dimensional Rifts, Washu and Dream Devices **
    
    **Netted Me A Vacation to Nerima!)**
    
    **By [Kairi Taylor][1]**

(Author's Note: This is the first tale in a very funny, demented series that was started in 1998 at Kindred Spirits. I hope you enjoy it. As you'll see, my fanfic counterpart will be somewhat tormented. Oh well, all for the sake of humor I say!…)

The Standard Disclaimer and Warning: The characters within this twisted 

little fantasy are not mine, ok? They are the sole copyright of Marvel, 

Rumiko Takahashi, the company that brings you Tenchi Muyo, yada yada yada. I 

make no cash from this, so don't even attemmpt to sell this...Oh yes in case 

you happen to finish reading this, I was not on any psychadelic drugs or 

anything else, nor is this the result of eating 5 too many bowls of Fruity 

Pebbles. I'm just a very twisted guy who's really pi$$ed off at Mr. Hama.

Jubilee's Revenge: Director's Cut (Or How Dimensional Rifts, Washu and Dream 

Devices Netted Me A Vacation to Nerima!)

by Kairi Taylor

Summary: If it ain't broken, make it better! A reworking of the original, 

with more scenes, more characters, & more senseless stupidity & anger 

induced violence! See Scott & Chris exact their revenge, as well as some 

other really groovy scenes. It's shagadelic baby!

Kairi walked into his building, holding his bookbag on his right 

shoulder, his South Park hat and shirt slightly dusty from his long walk. He 

was not very happy. This morning, he learned that he would be out of school 

until spring of 1999 due to his financial aid being late. Then, he found out 

that the site that he contributed the 'Generation X/ Resident Evil' stories 

to was down, so part five was indefinatly on hold. To rub more salt in his 

wounds, he forgot to refill his Metro Card, forcing him to walk all the way 

from LaGuardia to Astoria.

I must be cursed, he thought.

As he stepped into the elevator, he pressed the 3rd floor button and 

watched the door slowly close. At least he now had time to work on his own 

webpage with Ernie. He had many stories swimming in his head, and some 

particularly good suggestions on what to add. He hadn't bought another Gen X 

issue since #41, insted opting for the Dragon Ball comics and Ranma 1/2 

graphic novels and movies. He had at least 4 hours before he had to go to 

work, so he could just stay home and watch some TV. The elevator stopped and 

Kairi stepped off, pushing all of the day's event's from his mind. As he 

opened the door to his apartment, he walked into the kitchen and laid his 

bookbag next to the chair where Jubilee was sitting, then went to the 

cabinet to get his box of...

He stopped short and turned around. Sitting at the table in his 

chair was Jubilee, in t-shirt and jeans, rapping her fingers on the table, 

watching him. OK, there is only one thing to do here, he thought. Either 

start talking to her or check into the mental ward that Mom is threating to 

send me to. "Uh, hi?" Jubilee said.

All that Kairi could do was sputter out gibberish that he couldn't 

control. "I see someone's gonna need to sit down." Jubilee said as she got 

up and allowed Kairi to sit down. As she sat on the counter, she asked 

"You're Kairi, right?"

Nodding his said, Kairi said "Um, just to be sure, you're not the 

result of eating one too many sugar related products right?" Jubilee smiled 

and answered "If that were true, we would've had this little chat a long 

time ago, don't cha think?" Kairi nodded as she said "I'm guessing you're 

pretty much shocked because I'm here."

"How is this possible?" Kairi said. "I mean, this can't be 

happening. How'd you get here? Hell, who let ya in?"

"Cool yer jets." Jubilee said. "It's a bit hard to explain. I'm 

guessing that since so many people wished we were real and written so many 

fan fics on us, it must've thrown our dimensions for a loop. I'm not a 

savant at this inter-dimensional mumbo jumbo like Monet, so let me put it 

this way. We just exist, ok?"

"Right." Kairi said. "This still doesn't explain why you're visiting 

me." Jubilee shrugged and said "None of the other fanfic guys were 

availible, so I decided to come here. Oh by the way, got a question for ya."

"What?"

"WHY THE HELL DID YA STICK ME IN THAT COURTHOUSE WITH A BUNCH OF 

ZOMBIFIED FREAKS?"

"Damn, sorry about that, alright? Would you rather let me put you in 

a oversimplified fighting game like X-Men vs. Street Fighter?" Jubilee 

shuddered as she remembered her somewhat debatable appearence in a certain 

fighting game. "Ok, then, that's out of the way. So, c'mon, we gotta go." 

she replied.

"Huh, what do you mean?

"We're going to talk to Larry Hama. It's time we did something about 

his little adjusments. You've noticted that everything's gone loony."

"I've been trying to forget for the past month or so." Kairi 

replied.

As they walked on the streets of Manhattan, Kairi asked "So, how'd 

you guys find me. I'm not a very easy person to find out here."

"We've been keepin'tabs on you fanfic writers for a while now." 

Jubilee explained. Usually, we try not to contact ya but this is an 

emergency. I still can't believe what some people are writing about. I mean 

Cyke & the cajun..."

"Please, stop right there," Kairi interuppted. "I have enough of an 

active imagination as it is. Where'd the others go?" Jubilee shrugged &

replied "Probably went to see the rest of the city. It is a nice day to walk 

around the city & do some--oh, hi Shampoo--nice shopping for a bit." Jubilee 

stopped for a second to look at Kairi, who was gawking at Shampoo, looking 

as if he was ready to burst.

"Nihao, Jubilee," Shampoo said. "Who very strange boy? Oh, Shampoo 

remember, you Kairi! Nice meeting you!"

"Uh, Kairi," Jubilee asked, tapping his shoulder. "You need to lie 

down?" Kairi began to smile as he said "How does she know my name?!? Hell, 

don't matter to me!! Wait a sec, you're not from Marvel. How'd you---"

"Hello, remember what I said?" Jubilee replied. "So, what brings 

you here.?" Shampoo snapped her fingers & replied "Great Gradmother said to 

stop bad old man. He running loose in Chinatown." Kairi frowned & said. 

"Can't be...please don't tell me it's-"

"WAHOO! WHAT A HAUL!!" The group turned to see Happosai, all 3'2" 

of him running with a sack of underwear, closely chased by dozens of angry 

chinese housewives. "Jubilee, you wanna do this?" Kairi groaned.

BOOOM!!! All that Happosai saw before going into dream land was the 

fist of Jubilee barreling down upon his nose, not to mention the pain in the 

spinal cord that came from Shampoo's foot. As the group of ladies ganged up 

on the prone little pervert, Emma walked by, muttering under her breath. 

"Hey, Frosty!" Jubilee shouted. "How'd it go with Hama."

"Of all the inconsiderite, stubborn---oh, hello, Jubilee. Is this 

Kairi?"

"Yeah, I'm him." Kairi answered. "Well, hopefully maybe you two 

will have more luck convincing Hama. He seems to have completely set to try 

to destroy the comic. Maybe you'll come up with something."

"Hopefully, this won't end like Electra did." Kairi mused.

Jubilee and Kairi sat in Hama's office, waiting for Hama to drop in. 

"Ya know, it's not too late to finish the story." Jubilee said. "I mean, at 

least you could find another website to go to."

"I suppose." Kairi said. "I could always start my own webpage. Hell 

I can get started on that series I wanted to do." Jubilee raised an eyebrow. 

"If I'm involved in this, ya better get my approval first before you start 

anything!" Kairi shook his head and replied "No, it's a bunch of Inspector 

Gadget stories I'm planning on. Geez, don't get uptight."

From outside, they heard someone say "What, another super hero is 

here? First Spider Man, then White Queen and now this!"

"Must be more of them interdimensional rifts." Jubilee said as Hama 

walked in, flustered and noticebly uptight "So, Jubilee and...you are..."

"Kairi Taylor. I wrote an Gen X/ Resident Evil series."

"Oh, I remember. Wasn't my cup of tea. Lemme guess, you're here 

about the changes I made."

"Gee, ya think?" Jubilee answered. "How the hell could you do this 

to us? First you stick us in this adventure with a giant weasel and a token, 

then you had some guys beat up on Ev, who's none too pleased about it, then 

you say that all this time..."

"Please listen..." Hama started to say but Jubilee continued. "That 

Monet was really Pennance all this time. Now, you're gonna make us fight 

some lady and 7 intergalactic dwarves! This ain't Sesame Strett, IT'S A 

FRIGGIN COMIC ASSHOLE!!!"

"Well, I did this mainly because of the sales." Larry replied. "The 

sales for the comic were going down so we had to make a few changes..." At 

that point Kairi pulled out a few sheets. "Here's the sales rates according 

to one comic sales company." he started. "As you see the sales were steady 

until issue 34." Larry put the lists aside and dismissed them, saying "You 

know, they're probably not really that reliable. Now story wise, I'm just 

following the orders of my editors. All I as doing was trying to boost 

sales."

"By changing what was already established. Hell, even Scott 

established the fact that Penny was a 14 year old from Yugoslavia. (Author's 

note: EVEN I KNOW THIS AND I"M NOT A PRO!) None of what you did makes any 

sense!"

"I understand what you're trying to say, but you have to understand 

where I'm coming from..."

"You are aware that a hell of a whole lot of people have 

discontinued their subscriptions." Kairi said. "I've had to switch to Ranma 

1/2 and the Dragon Ball titles to get over this. And what the hell was with 

issue 41? Even Happosai would be offended by what you've done."

"I don't think you two understand..."

Kairi sighed. He must be cursed.

Jubilee fumed as she drank her soda. "Oh, the nerve of that guy!! 

Who does he think he is!! I outta light him up major time!!"

They were in Planet Hollywood, eating burgers with Sean whislt a 

lot of the patrons were sitting down whispering about the most unexpected 

patrons. Sean merely sipped his coffee as he said "Try ta calm down lass. 

I'm sure we kin think o' something ta change da man's mind." Jubilee shook 

her head. "I think not. Frosty's already talked to him and ya seen what's 

happened."

Kairi, in the meantime was engaged in a conversation with Ryoga, 

who apparrently made the grandaddy of wrong turns and somehow winded up in 

NY. "So you're saying that you guys can come here at you're own free will?" 

Kairi asked. Ryoga nodded and said "Yeah, but how'd I ended going here 

instead of Nerima is beyond me."

"You lost again?" Sean asked. "Yeah, but thankfully, Mr. Saotome 

is coming to pick me up." At that point, a giant panda walked in and sat 

down, holding a sign that said 'Hello Kairi'. "Greetings MrSaotome. 

Strange that you seem to know me." Kairi said. "Hey I just thought of 

something. If you guys can zap yourselves back and forth, what's preventing 

me from doing it."

"Good point." Jubilee said. "Try it." Kairi smiled and closed his 

eyes. In a flash he disappeared. "Hope he didn't try anythin' foolish." Sean 

said. Seconds later, Kairi came back. "Wow, I didn't think I can actually to 

THERE!" he giggled.

"Ok, so how do we handle Hama?" Jubilee said "Aside from using 

physical violence."

At that point, Genma held up a sign which read 'Why not ask 

Washu?' Jubilee snapped her fingers. "Of course! It's so obvious! She can 

build something to help us."

Kairi raised an eyebrow, saying "Er, isn't there anything else we 

can do?" Sean shook his head. "If ya kin think of anything else other than 

breaking his legs, no lad."

"Oh well, guess we'll just see Washu."

Jubilee and Kairi stood at the front of Tenchi's home, which 

seemed very quiet. Of course, the real indication was that the note that the 

others left for Washu on the door, saying something 'bout a trip to 

Manhattan. "So, it's just Washu today. Convient." Jubilee said. "Kairi 

looked all aroundthe house as he said "I'm still stumpped as to how I seem 

to have this now almost natural ability to warp between dimensions." 

Jujbilee shrugged and said "Hey, join the club. I'd ask Monet, but that 

involves talking to her." As she opened the door, she said "Wonder if she's 

still in the basement?"

The loud explosion that came from the kitchen prompted Kairi to 

yell "Well, that's one way of knowing!" They rushed in to find a woman with 

wild purple hair standing over a pot, saying "Somehow, I knew that putting 

oregano in this was a bad idea."

"Hey, little Washu!" Jubilee said. Washu turned and said "Ah, 

Jubilee! Oh, I see you brought Kairi with you."

"Does everybody know me or something!?!" Kairi said. "Ah, don't 

take it so personally kiddo!" Washu said. "I just make it a habit of knowing 

the names of all potential guinea pigs."

Kairi raised an eyebrow knowing 'very' well what Washu meant. "So, 

what brings you to this side of the cosmos?" she asked. "Well," Jubilee 

began. "First, me and Kairi want to know just exactly how are we able to 

warp around like Mario Brothers?"

"I guess you mean the manipulation of interdimensional rifts?" 

Washu replied "Well, it's all pretty simple, if you understand the 

mathmatics. But I'm guessing you have absolutley no idea." They both nodded 

as she continued. "Ok, let's say this: exactly how much of your ideas are 

original creations? Let's just say that all the ideas somehow are really 

part of many possible dimensions in space and time. In other words, Ranma's 

world actually exist, much like Jubilee's and mine. The odds of thinking up 

a world that actually exists in a parrallel Earth are quite high. A few 

weeks ago, there' was a significantly high energy release in the Andromeda 

System, in your dimension Kairi, that had gone unnoticed."

"But you detected it." he said. "Of course, when you're 20,000 

years old, you tend to think of everything." Washu replied. "Now, this 

energy was strong enough to affect the space time rifts and affected the 

human population on Earth. As you know, the human brain can only use about 

30% of it's potential energy. You ever stopped to wonder what would happen 

if you could use more of your brain?"

"Weird if you ask me." Jubilee said. "But how come I haven't 

noticed this before." Kairi said. "Think about this: when was the last time 

you've been able to warp yourself into another dimension?" Washu asked. 

Kairi nodded and said "Good point."

"Now, I imagine you've come here for more than just to chit chat 

'bout time rifts." Washu said. Jubilee said "It's that Larry Hama guy! He's 

ruining the comic. Everbody's tryin' to talk some sense into him, but he 

ain't listening."

"Ah, a tricky case." Washu said. "I believe that there's something 

in my lab that can help. It's my Dream Manipulation Chamber."

"Que?" asked Kairi. "I built a portable chamber that allows you to 

enter and control the dreams of someone who is asleep. However, it's been 

untested. In theory, it could kill the dreamer or possibly drive him to have 

psychotic episodes..."

"We'll take it!!!" Jubilee and Kairi shouted. "Sure, ok, but on 

one condition." Washu said as she smiled at Kairi.

"Uh Oh."

Sitting down at the table in the sall cafe in WuTai, Jubilee 

asked "Well Scott, what are the chances we can do this?"

Scott Lobdell downed his drink while Chris Bachalo continued to 

stare at the rather large machine that Jubilee & Kairi had brought in. "From 

what you're telling us," he started "It looks like he's trying to buy time 

for himself so that he can stay on the comic a little longer. I just don't 

understand why he just completely ignored all of past info we got."

"Well, the thing to remember," Chris started "is that Hama's a 

complete disrespectful, self serving backpeddling jackass. But we can do 

something about it. Now, what about the helmets?"

"Ev's gonna go around & distribute them soon." Jubilee explained. 

"I'll contact you when we're ready. There should be some instructions that 

come with them. Say, have you guys seen Kairi?" Scott nodded & replied "Went 

around to exlore alittle bit. But why did you recruit him anyway? I've 

heard he's a bit of a loose cannon & once wrote a romance fic...wait a 

minute, Jubes? You got something up your sleeve again?" Jubilee frowned I 

replied "I'm not doing this fer myself you know." Chris drank his fruit 

smoothie as he commented "This whole fixation on Ev is really unhealthy you 

know. He's more likely gonna end up with Monet if the writers have any 

future plans for him." Jubilee muttered something to herself as Scott 

chuckled.

Elsewhere Kairiwalked across one of the bridges of WuTai &

stopped under a tree. As he stood & looked out towards the mountains, he 

heard a voice go "Pssst!! Hey, you!" Kairi looked up & saw a short haired 

girl in shorts & wearing a green shirt sitting on a branch. "Um, are you 

talking..." Kairi started to say, but the girl interupted him. "No time to 

explain! Did you see a large, bald guy around here?" Not exactly sure what 

was going on, Kairi was about to reply when the man in question stalked up 

to the tree. "Ha, I found ya, ye little sneak! Give me back my materia, 

Yuffie!!"

"Hey, I won the materia fair & square1" she shouted back. "Not my 

fault you totally suck in martial arts!!" Fuming, the guy threw a punch at 

the tree, which Kairi managed to dodge. His fist slammed into the trunk 

enough to rattle the tree, sending Yuffie falling. But before she hit the 

ground, Kairi caught her in her arms. "Ummm....thanks, I guess." Yuffie 

mumbled.

"Hey, no prob--whoa!!" Kairi managed to sidestep the punch that was 

going towards him as the bald guy screamed "Give me the girl runt, this 

ain't yer problem."

"You know," Yuffie said to Kairi as he ducked, jumped & absorbed 

all the punches thrown at them "I can take the big klutz. He's not very 

bright."

"Yeah but it's---whoa---real hard to---yikes---put somebody down 

when---whoop---ou're trying not to---ouch---get punked!!!" Quickly, holding 

Yuffie close to him, Kairi spun on his heel & kicked the huge guy in the 

head, knocking him out. Kairi sighed as he put her down. As Jubilee ran up 

to them see asked "Hey, Kairi, you okay?". He nodded as he noticed that 

Yuffie was staring at him. "Well, sorry we had to meet like this," he said. 

"I'm Kairi." Yuffie only nodded as Jubilee remarked "Hmmm, nice touch. Well, 

c'mon we gotta get to work." As they ran off, Yuffie smiled & said to 

herself "He's almost cuter than Cloud. Well almost. Hopefully, he doesn't 

have a girlfriend like Cloud."

Meanwhile, elsewhere on Earth, other particularly intresting 

events were taking place around the city. Captain America had decided to 

take a tour of the U.N., much to the shegrin of several terroists from some 

country I can't even speel, much less heard of, who tried to take the place 

hostage. Chamber and Husk took a tour of the Bronx Zoo together. Too bad the 

elephant decided to spray water at the wrong person. Skin decided to go to a 

Broadway play. Unfortunatley, he had forgotten exactly how much it costs for 

a front row seat to 'Bring in Da Noise, Bring in Da Funk'.

Ryoga and Mr. Saotome, on the other hand, decided to meet with 

Akane in the Broadway branch of the Queens library. Which wouldn't have so 

bad if Ryoga wasn't leading the way and ended up somewhere in Main Street, 

Flushing. Fortunatley Mr. Saotome, who could get a lot attention being a 

giant panda at the moment, was able to get a bus map and found a bus to take 

them there.

Melanie paced back and forth around the computers, apparently 

bored. No one was at the computers today, mostly because of the strange 

events surrounding the day. All she knew was that when she woke up to feed 

Jacob, in the middle of the night as all babies request, she looked out the 

window and saw several large, yellow birds walking around, going 'Wark!' and 

pecking at the cars. Then, she heard on the radio that some guy on a 

surfboard was flying all around the city. To top it off, some girl with a 

short haircut was in the back talking it up with Anita, who had apparently 

gone totally estatic when she caught sight of her. As she pondered on these 

events, a girl in a t-shirt and jeans opened the door while a large object, 

covered in a blue sheet, was pushed in by Kairi. "Uh, Kairi, mind explainig 

what's going on here?"Melanie asked. Kairi peeked behind from the object and 

said "Huh? Oh, nothing really. Jubilee, this is my co-worker, Melanie."

"Hi," Jubilee said. "Oh, which way's the back?" Melanie pointed 

to her left and said "Over there. Be careful, Anita's in the back with 

someone. You need help with that?"

"No, I've got it." Kairi said as he pushed it. The library 

supervisors only stared in disbelief as Kairi pushed the object to the back 

of the library.

The area that Melanie pointed to was a small little section that 

had one book truck and three walls separating it from the library. As 

Jubilee walked in first, she saw a girl in glasses talking with Akane. "Hey 

Akane." she said. Akane smiled and said "Oh, Jubilee!" Anita waved her hand 

and said "Hi. Is Kairi with you." Kairi came in, pushing the object saying 

"Man, what the heck did Washu build this thing outta, titanium alloy?"

"Ah, Kairi." Akane said smiling as she walked up to him. "I've 

been meaning to speak to you." Kairi scratched his head as he asked "Er, 

what's on your mind." Akane then proceded to pull out a large mallet as she 

yelled "YOU PERVERT!!" and whacked Kairi upside the head!

"OW! Hey, that hurt!" Kairi said. "That was for reading that 

lemon story, deviant! (Author's note: For those that may not know, a Lemon 

story, simply put, is a dirty story involving anime characters and...well 

you can figure out the rest.) What the hell wee you doing reading 'Female 

Fiancee's Fun', anyway?"

"Who told you that?" Kairi yelled. Akane pointed to Anita, who 

said "I needed something to talk about."

"Oh, that reminds me..."

Jubilee landed a hard left hook on Kairi's jaw as he said 

"Damn, what was that for?!"

"You know!" Jubilee said. At that point Monet walked in and 

said "Hey, are you ready to start? Angelo and Paige are over at Marvel 

and..." Upon seeing Kairi, she proceeded to walk over and elbow him in the 

ribs. "Ok and that was for..." Anita said. "He knows!" Monet said, crossing 

her arms.

"This just isn't your day, huh?" Anita asked as Kairi rubbed 

his ribs. "Is there anyone else who wants to beat me up out there?" he 

asked.

(Author's note: Ok, this was about to get ugly, so to sum it all up: Storm 

came in and let loose a lightning bolt on Kairi, then Rouge and the White 

Queen came and beaned him with a couple of steel chairs, then Jean Grey just 

kicked him in the groin and Akane whacked him with the mallet again and put 

him in the Boston Crab, saying something about doing a favor for both Nabiki 

and Ukyo. Why I'd put myself though that kinda cartoonish self abuse for the 

sake of humor and revenge is beyond me, so don't ask. On with the story.)

"Ok, I hope everbody's got that out of their system now," 

Kairi said, limping and swallowing a couple of asprins. "Now to deal with 

Larry Hama. Unless the 'Committe To Open Up A Can Of Whoop Ass on Kairi' has 

anything else to add!"

"Nope!"

Kairi whipped out the manual to the device as he asked 

"Now, you sure that they'll be able to get Hama to sleep?" Monet smiled. 

"Hey, I personally mixed the sleeping potion myself, so everthing will go 

perfectly as planned." she answered. "Of course, I'drather think of finder 

better ways of changing someone's mind rather than tormenting them through 

their dreams."

"Nope, sorry, I don't think so." Jubilee said as she pulled 

off the sheet. The device in question was a large rectangular bluish purple 

box with a steel lock. Taking out a key, Jubilee unlocked it and the box 

stretched out to expose a large computer screen with a keyboard and several 

black helmets.. Two monitors, labeled 'Brain Frequency' were at each side. 

"The manual," Kairi read "states that once the victim falls asleep, we 

should put the red helmet, the one that Angelo has, onto the subject and use 

the keyboard to control the scenario, while the black helmets control our 

thoughts over him." Jubilee smiled and pulled out a cell phone. "Well, time 

to see if our would be tormentor has taken the bait."

Hama sat down in his chair, looking over his two latest 

disgruntiled heroes, Angelo Espinosa and Paige Guthrie. As he held his mug, 

he felt a silent rage trying to eplain himself to just about everybody that 

was involved with the Gen X comic. "Look, I know how everybody feels about 

what I'm doing," he sighed "but I'm telling you, it's for the best. I know 

that being led around by a talking around seems foolish, but it's 

entertaining. I've worked on both Wolverine and G.I. Joe, so I'm pretty sure 

it'll work out."

"G.I. Joe?" Angelo said. "I remember that from WAAYY long 

ago. Course, dunno if I remember if I liked it or not. I'm pretty sure it 

was nice." Paige sighed and said. "I know you've been hearing this all day, 

but can you at least try to restore some order? I mean, sort out the 

Pennance situation, it really makes little sense."

Hama downed the coffee. "Nope, no can do," he replied. "I 

kinda like how it is now. Besides it's really the other editors you might 

wanna talk with." As Hama yawned, Angelo smiled. "OK homey, you leave us no 

choice. I was lookin' foward to this."

"What are you...talkin...." Hama slowly dozed off and as his 

head hit the desk, Paige closed the door to the office. Angelo's cell phone 

rang and he answered it saying "Ok, the victim's all set."

"Good," Jubilee's voice said on the phone. As Paige put the 

red helmet on Hama, Angelo took out the black helmets from his bookbag and 

said "You know, maybe we should be feelng guilty about this."

"Nah." Paige concluded.

Hama awoke with a jerk. It was barely lit in what seemed to 

be his office and his desk, not to mention all of his stuff was gone, except 

for the chair he sat in. Facing him was Jubilee and that Kairi kid, both 

with arms crossed. "Welcome to thy house of pain." Kairi said.

"What's goin' on? Where's my stuff." Hama shouted. "In case 

you're wondering," Jubilee began "You're dreaming. We've tried everything to 

convince you, so your sorry ass has one last chance to change what you're 

doing or suffer."

"You've got to be serious!" he scoffed. "There's no way 

that I'll do anything you ask!" Kairi grinned wickedly as Jubilee said "Ok, 

suit yourself. Get' im Akane!" Hama turned to see a young girl holding a 

large baseball bat preparing to swing. "What th-"

"HAMA NO BAKA!!" Akane yelled as she whacked him with the 

bat. (There's your japanese lessonfor the day, kids!) Hama was sent flying 

all the way through the wall of the office, head first, into the elevator. 

As he got up, he coughed "You're all maniacs!" He pressed the button to the 

lobby and he heard Emma's calm voice saying "Going Down." Unfortunatley for 

Mr. Hama, the elevator plummeted at about 25 MPH to the bottom floor.

Hama staggered out of the wreckage of the elevator, 

heading outside. The city was strangely empty and dark. "Where's a taxi when 

you need one?" he said. Out of nowhere, a taxi pulled up right next to him. 

Not one to question, Hama pulled the door open and yelled to the taxi driver 

"Drive!" As he slammed the door, the driver turned around and Hama saw, to 

his horror, that it was Paige. "Hang on, city slicker." she said. Tires 

screeching, Paige drove off as Hama was pushed back into his seat.

As Paige drove through stores and windows and made 

extremely sharp curves, she said "Y'all jut stay comfy now, I only had 'bout 

23 accidents or so, so I'll get the hang of it!" Hama blinked his eyes and 

screamed "Stop the car! Stop I say! Let me off!"

"Are you kiddin'? Not while he's chasing us!" Hama looked 

out the back of the window. A pair of giant, reptilian feet was in close 

pursuit and a familiar roar was heard. "Ok, now. If you want to get out of 

this, will you change your mind?"

"No!" Hama said vehemently "Very well then." Paige said "You 

can deal with Godzilla yourself." Paige faded out as Hama looked behind him 

just as Godzilla gave the taxicar a good punt kick that would make the 98 

Green Bay Packers jealous.

"Whoa! Where'd I land at now?" Hama said. As he got out of 

the car, he was in the hallway of a police station, with a statue of a lady 

holding a pitcher at the center. As he looked at the hole in the ceiling the 

taxi left, the door burst open. Kairi came in, in a S.W.A.T. team uniform, 

armed with a shotgun and rocket launcher. Shutting the door quickly, he said 

"You're in the wrong place buddy."

"What are you talking about?" Hama said, irritated that one 

of his tormentors had shown up. "Zombies, dude." Kairi replied. "City's 

infested with them. They're heading this way. If you're smart, you'll come 

with me. On one condition though..."

"Oh, so that's it huh?" Hama interupted. "Well forget it. 

There's no way I'll change my mind!" Kairi shrugged. "Suit yourself." Kairi 

tossed the rocket launcher to Hama and smiled as he blinked out. Suddenly 

the door broke down. The zombies, who were once G.I. Joes, spilled into the 

room, moaning "Yo Joeee."

"Eat this!" Hama yelled as he raised the rocket launcher. 

However, he didn't count on it exploding and sending him through the roof.

Scott walked through the long, winding hallwy, dressed in 

brown robes. "He's around here somewhere. But where?" Then from another 

room, Hama stepped out dressed in black. "You!!" Scott said. "I think I've 

finally got the hang of this." Hama said. He withdrew a lightsaber &

unsheathed it, saying "At last we meet again, Scott." As Lobdell withdrew 

his own lightsaber, Hama continued "The circle is now complete. When I last 

left you you were the master & I was the new writer. Now I am the master!"

"Only a master of godawful writing, Larry!!" Scott answered 

as he blocked a blow from Hama. "You've gone too far!! You changed the 

backstory to your benefits & ignored the fans. You must be stopped."

"Heh, your writing prowess is weak old man!!" Hama laughed 

"You should not have come. This comicWILL bend to my will or it will end up 

sharing the same fate of Elektra!!" Scott whacked Larry hard with his foot 

upside his head & said "I think not. Tun around, idiot." Hama turned to see 

Chris hovering right next to him in a X-Wing. As Scott ducked out of the 

way, Chris yelled "Jubilee's eyes are blue, dumbass!!!" & fired a blast at 

Hama, sending him into a wall.

When his eyes opened, Hama saw himself standing in a 

warehouse. Standing in front of him was Jono & Emma, wearing black suits. 

"Gee, you guys look a bit small." Hama said in a rather distorted voice. 

Then, looking down at himself, he saw that he had become a large 

grasshopper. "Larry, this is all rather easy to solve." Emma started "Just 

fix what you done & step away from the comic. That way, we won't torment you 

any longer." Larry laughed & said "I'm afraid not, Queenie. I personally do 

not care for this comic & those editors, save one, think that they can push 

me around. No one controls me. There's not a whole lot you can do about it."

:Wanna bet, mate: Jono retorted as they pulled out some rather 

large (I mean LARGE) laser cannons. :You know, you're right, Ms. Frost, this 

is right out therupeutic:

"Indeed."

The cannon blasts set Hama on fire & launched him through the 

roof.

Hama found himself on a field. As he looked all around him, 

he saw Akane and Jubilee, dressed in karate uniforms. "So, still won't 

change your mind." Akane asked. "Heh." Hama sneered. "You forget you've got 

me in a dream world, so I can do what I want." Hama pulled out a bo staff 

and said. "You want some of this? Come and get me, tomboys."

"Bad choice of words." Jubilee said as she steped back. Akane 

came at him so quickly, he could ony wimper as she beat on him at a frantic 

pace with everything she could think of. As Hama looked up after Akane 

finished pummeling him, he saw Angelo and some giant panda staring down at 

him. "Yo, Hama. Quit?" Angelo asked. "Never!" Hama groanned. "OK then. Get 

him Genma." Mr. Saotome lept up and dropped himself onto the dazed Hama, who 

screamed as he fell through the crowd.

The next thing Hama knew, he was standing in the middle of a 

wrestling ring, with a giant crowd watching over him. Seanstood in a tuxedo 

while Ev stood in a referee's uniform. "Where the hell am I now!" Hama 

yelled. "Don't ask me." Ev said "This is the only time I've been n this 

crazy story." Then Hama heard glass shatter and the crowd went ballistic. 

"And his opponent," Sean boomed "From Victoria, Texas, STONE COLD STEVE 

AUSTIN!!!"

Hama watched in horror as a lone bald man in jeans and a shirt 

that said 'Austin 3:16' approached his location. As Austin stepped through 

the ropes, he smiled as Hama stood like a lamb being prepared for the 

slaughter.

(Author's Note: As much as I would like to describe more ways of having 

Larry Hama punished, I'm afraid that I must cut to the big finish. Needless 

to say, Hama got his!)

Jubilee stood over Hama as we wheezed from everything he 

suffered. "OK, we'll try this again." She pulled out a katana as she said 

"Fix what you've done, or else little Hama's gonna be permanetly separated 

from big Hama!" As she raised the very sharp weapon, Hama covered his face 

with his arms and said "I'll do it! Please, No!!!"

The next thing Hama knew, he awoke screaming. He was back in 

his office, where Paige and Angelo were sitting, staring at him. "So, can we 

talk?" Angelo asked.

At that point, Hama's eyes twitched & he frothed at the 

mouth. He began to laugh maniaclly and screamed "Yes!! Why not!! I'm free 

from you! Finally! Horrible, horrible freedom!!"

Later that night, Kairi, Anita, Melanie, Jubilee and Akane 

stood outside the library while Ryoga and Mr. Saotome hauled the machine 

away. "So, Hama went insane and had to be committed." Anita said. "That 

means they'll get a new writer." Jubille nodded and added. "With our 

aproval, of course. Wouldn't want to have to put some other shumck through 

the treatment again."

"At least we had something to do at work." Melanie said. "What 

about tomorrow?" Kairi rubbed the back of his head. "I dunno 'bout you but 

I'm taking a vacation." he announced.

"You need a vacation?" Akane asked "Well, I suppose so, after 

everything that you put up with today."

"Not without me he's not." They all turned to see Washu 

walking down the street. "Little Washu!" Akane said. "What's going on?"

"I'm making good on my agreement with my potential guinea 

pig." she answered. Kairi smiled and said "Er, I'll see ya guy's in a little 

while." As Kairi blinked out, Jubilee asked "Where'd he run off to?" Washu 

checked a beeping signal on her watch. "Uh oh." she said.

"You know," Nabiki started as she sat down at the tablewith 

Kairi & Washu, who was clining to his arm "It's nice that your staying here 

for your vacation, but at the very least, you can look happy."

"I hope you don't mond that I brought some company over for 

our vacation." Washu said. As Kairi looked over to where Jubilee, Akane &

Anita was sitting, Jubilee remarked "Hey, after all we've been through, ya 

still owe me." Kairi shook his head. "Is he still miffed about the 

accident?" Akane asked.

"What accident?" Nabiki asked. Anita then proceeded to take a 

kettle of water & poor it over his head, turning him into a giant fox. "Next 

time, maybe you'll think twice before you go to Jusenkyo." she said.

"Think of it this way," Nabiki added. "Your clothes fit &

you're very cute & fuzzy."

"Kairi held up a sign that read 'I am definatley,totally 

cursed!!'

* * *

   [1]: mailto:kairi_64@hotmail.com



	2. Anime Fun With Hama!

**ANIME FUN WITH HAMA!**
    
    (Now with Extra Insanity!)
    
    **written by**
    
    **[Kairi "Shadow Sage" Taylor][1] and [MisaoChen][2]**

  
  


Author's Note: This is a side story to the series that my friend Anita came up with. It's cleaned up much nicer from the original.)

ANIME FUN WITH HAMA! (Now with Extra Insanity!)

written by:

MisaoChen & Shadow Sage

Disclaimer: OK, OK, look, neither MisaoChen or the Shadow Sage (Known as

Anita & Kairi) own none of the characters within this tale. No, we don't.

Wish we did, but we don't. As you know, this is her very first fanfic &,

well darn it, I was hoping she'd come to me for advice. Well, I asked if I

can rewrite this tale for her & she gave me the big Ok. I won't actually be

changing too much, I'm adding some stuff. Well, we hope you enjoy this mind

numbing fic.

MisaoChen sat back in her comfy chair after completing her

assignment.Instead of going to school that week, MisaoChen joined a program

called "Co-op" which allowed students to work one week, and go to school the

next week.

"What a view " MisaoChen sighed as she looked out of the window. Not only did

she get a great job in Manhattan working at a bank, but she also got her own

desk and a sprawling view of the Big Apple. She could see the buildings,

sometimes a plane flying in, and one of the living weapons from Final

Fantasy 7 hovering about.

"WHAT!" MisaoChen yelled falling off her chair. " No way!"

Then the unbelievable happened: the weapon was being chased by Sailor Moon,

riding on a winged horse and whining about justice and how she couldn't

forgive the weapon for attacking Manhattan. (Kairi's note: Is there any

chance she'll ever cut to the chase & open a can o' whoop ass on her foes?)

"Man can this get any weirder?"

Suddenly, both the weapon and Sailormoon was blown away by an up close &

very personal attack from NEO BAHAMUT.

(Anita's note: I know he doesn't come to the enemies but I wanted him to

make a special exception for Sailormoon...) The multi winged dragon

screeched in triumph as Sailor moon's steed staggered off while she mu,bled

"No Darien, I don't think it looks that good on you..."

"Watch them sizzle!" Jubilee smiled in a rather gleeful yet mischevious

fashion.

MisaoChen turned her head towards Jubilee, who had just entered the office.

She was wearing her usual clothes and had her sunglasses on.

"Haven't seen you since Kairi's last adventure" MisaoChen said toJubilee

(Author's note: I was in Kairi's "Jubilee's Revenge". And yes my name is

Anita.)

"Yeah and this time we really will drive Hama to the edge" Jubilee said with

a scary, almost murderous determination,

"I thought he was committed. How'd he show up again?" Anita asked.

"The morons at Marvel hired him again! Somehow he got better!" Jubilee

explained. "Somehow I knew everything was too perfect."

"So what do you need me for?" MisaoChen asked almost afraid of the answer.

"Aw, don't worry 'bout it, just thinking maybe ya want to tag along and

watch Hama suffer again" Jubilee cheerfully replied. "Right now, Little

Washu sent Hama on a trip Nermia!"

"You mean...." MisaoChen's eyes widened as a evil smile broke on her face,

the sunlight reflecting off her glasses.

Jubilee revealed her most evil smile yet. "Ranma and company are welcoming

him now."

Kairi, having just survived Washu's latest experiment, decided to visit the

Tendo dojo again. In his rather exhausted state, he thought to himself

'Maybe,just maybe, I'll have a quiet, if not normal rest from the real

world. Then again it's the Tendo's'. After having to deal with his part of

the agreement with Washu (See "Jubilee's Revenge") He wanted any kind of

rest! "I just hope the others don't get wind of this." He sighed as he

turned the corner, carefully avoiding the old lady that tossed water out onto

her garden. "Just what I need, to continue my journey as Kitsune-kun."

(Kairi's note: I finally came up with a name for my cursed fox form. Cute,

ne?)

"Hama no Baka!"

Kairi froze in his tracks when he reached the Tendo's doorstep. (That voice

came from the dojo. That's Akane!)

"The hell!" Kairi yelled, dropping his backpack. "Did I just hear Hama"!"

"Yo Kairi!"

Kairi turned around. It was Jubilee and Anita, who just arrived from the

city.

"Hi Jubilee! Hey An-"

"MisaoChen!" MisaoChen interrupted. "In this silly fanfiction I'm MisaoChen

not Anita!"

"Hey, whatever works. What the hell is going on here?" Kairi asked. "Didn't

we already mess up Hama up to the point where he's beyond sane, or at least

crazy enough to watch 2 hours of WCW Nitro?"

"Yeah, but this time we're making SURE he stays insane!!" Jubilee replied

with heroic determination.

(So much for that peaceful rest!) Kairi thought, not being at all pleased

that their previous attempts were somewhat less than ideal. (At least I get

to watch Hama get his ass whooped again!)

Hama, bruised & somewhat despondent, looked like he had seen better days.

First after taking his old job back at Marvel (which shows the amount of

intelligence in managment today) he was torn away from his

office and sent to place that looks like Japan but in an anime form. He also

concluded that he was in an anime world because because Mousse came at him

with a crapload of sharp weapons at top speed, more than he usually carried.

At the same time, Shampoo gave chase with her bonbari and yelled "Die Hama!"

chasing him while swinging at Hama's head. Huffing and buffing, Hama ran for

his life, muttering "I swear to Kami-Sama himself, I'd rather work for DC

than ever endure this again!" But unfortunatley he bumped into Ryoga,

causing the always lost martial artist to fall into a nearby pond turning

him into a black piglet. Hama for a minute just stared in awe. Never in his

life did he see anything like that. "Geez, the giant talking weasel's

bizarre enough, but THIS?" Just as Hama was about to continue running,Akane

came from the Tendo Dojo, saw Hama & P-Chan in the pond, put two & two

together & screamed "WHAT THE HELL DID YOU DO TO MY P-CHAN?!?!" (In case you

don't watch Ranma 1/2, P-Chan, aka Ryoga, is Akane's pet)

Before Hama could react, he was sent on a first class trip through the dojo

roof, care of Akane's fist.

Jubilee, MisaoChen, and Kairi watched in twisted glee at all the things

being done to him by Akane, who was still seriously angry. As she repeatedly

slammed Hama into the ground, Hama made the king of all errors. Grovelling

on the floor, Hama gasped "Uncute tomboy." The next thing Hama knew, his

face was driven right through the floor into the dirt below. A few seconds

later, Ranma's foot would give Hama's chiropractor some serious work to do.

"Hey, if anybody's gonna call that unappealing girl uncute around here,

it's me!" Ranma yelled. A split second later, he realized his error. He

didn't have to turn around to know that Akane was a glowing an unearthly

blue aura, holding a particul;arly heavy wooden cabinet.

"This'll hurt."

As the cabinet broke over Ranma's head, Emma walked in, arms folded.

"Oh great, you!" Hama spat out, what do you want with me now?"

"The team would REALLY like to thank you for all the effort you've put

into nearly destroying our credibility." Emma stated. "We didn't think our

previous efforts were so convincing, so we need to be more...blunt shall I

say?"

Hama gulped, knowing how vengeful Emma could be. MisaoChen and Kairi

looked at each other. "OH BOY!"

First Penance (or Monet's twin sister or some other twisted plotline

Hama wrote) came slashing at Hama, completely tearing off his pants to reveal

a pair of boxers with little devils on them. Then attacked Sean using his

sonic scream on Hama. Basically, he yelled "YANOTHIN' BUT A TALENTLESS

WORM BRAINED EUNICH!!!"

"Somehow that makes sense." Jubilee mused

Emma concentrated and gave Hama a horrible vision, something that no

human mind could withtand-- Barney and his friends singing "I

Love You" in stereo, with a full orchestra, backed up by L. Brent Bozell &

several members of the PTC. (Kairi's note: try to censor my wrestling will

ya?! FEEL THE WRATH OF A PISSED OFF WRITER YOU FOOLS!!! BWAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!)

As Hama writhed in agony, Kairi said to Emma "Err, can we talk?

In the dining room, Kasumi sat & set several bowls of miso soup down as

MisaoChen asked "Whatever possesed you to use BARNEY?" Emma shrugged her

shoulders & replied "Oh, I could have used any image to torture him. Like

blood sucking leeches on his chest or rabid dogs at his heels or Kairi

playing an air guitar in his boxers while singing 'Enter Sandman'..."

"Hey!" Kairi protested. "No offense Kairi, but paisly boxers are not

you." Emma smiled. "Wait a sec how'd ya....Nabiki." Kairi groaned.

"Someone mention me?" Nabiki asked as she sat down at the table.

"Nabiki, I think it's time you tell him what you did." Kasumi said to her

sister. "Oh, you mean about the last time he stayed here?" Nabiki raised an

eyebrow. "Don't tell me you didn't figure it out?"

Kairi's face flushed red as he prayed in his mind, 'Kami-Sama, PLEASE

tell me she didn't do what I think she did'. "Um, what did you do?"

"I took a few pictures of you while you were here. Actually I take a

lot of pictures of those other guys as well, but you were the easiest to

take secret pictures of. Let's just say that Ev & you look VERY nice in

boxers." (Somewhere at the academy, Ev sneezed.)

"NANI?!" The look of embarrasment on Kairi's face became prominent as

he asked "Just how many of these 'pics' did you sell?"

"A lot." Looking around the table, Kairi noticed that Emma slyly smiled

to herself & Nabiki & Jubilee began to giggle. Kasumi just had that plesant

smile as she always had, so Kairi automatically KNEW that she'd never do

such a thing. He turned to MisaoChen...& received a foot in his face.

"BAKA YAROU! Just what kinda hentai do you think I am?!"

"Good point." Kairi turned to Nabiki. "Ok, just as long as you didn't

sell any of those pics to You-Know-Who, I'm happy."

"Well, she bought the bulk of them. But you see there were the other

pictures she wanted & well---"

"WHAT other pictures?"

"I kinda caught you in the shower." Kairi facefaulted, wondering if it

was too late to hide in a convent. He didn't even flinch as he felt Yuffie

glomp onto him as she sat next to him "Any other surprises you wanna shock

me with?"

"Is it me or am I the only one who's really happy right now?" Yuffie

beamed.

Soun & Genma entered the living room as Soun noted "Now what is this

all about?" Hama was laying on the floor, drooling as he repeated the song

over & over. "Poor creature, looks like he's been through the very depths of

hell itself...wait, no it's just Hama."

"You know," soun started "Washu did say she needed to find a test

subject for her experiment in interacting with devenomized giant Juraian

Waterbats."

"Not a bad idea." Genma agreeded. "I'll make the call."

MisaoChen sat on the couch, sipping her green tea at the Tendo's house

pondering about what happenedthat day. 'Oh well at least the Gen-X team is

happy', she mused as she watched Sasami compete on Iron Chef.Nearby Kairi

was talking with Ranma. "Ya know, for being a great martial artist, how can

you be so stupid when it comes to women?"

"What do ya mean?" Ranma asked. "You know you're gonna get the hell

beat outta you every time you insult Akane, yet you go & blurt it out. You

got a appetite for pain or something?"

"Yes Ranma," Akane asked as she appeared behind him. "Why can't you say

one nice thing about me?" A sweatdrop appeared on Ranma's forehead as he

said to Kairi "Speaking of big mouths, how many people havbe died because of

your honesty, Kairi?"

"You don't wanna know."

"At least I'm on vacation and I have a interesting view in front of

me". MisaoChen smiled, watching Akane chase Ranma with a giant mallet around

and Ranma chasing Kairi yelling "This is all your fault she's chasing me you

idiot!"

"ME? Yor're the one who just said that she might be upgraded from

uncute to barely appealing in a thousand years!!"

As Mihoshi & Angelo walked on the streets of Nerima, Angelo asked

"Don't worry, Mousse will be out of the hospital in a few days."

"I know, but why would he ever mistake that pack of steroid induced

chihuahuas for a bunch of bunnies?"

"Hey, hombre's lucky he can even walk right now." Their conversation

was interupted as Kairi suddenly burst through the wooden gate they walked

in front of. "Oh, hey!" he gasped.

"Wow, you look really stressed out," Mihoshi noted. "Did you have a bad

day?"

A giant budda statue broke over Kairi's head as he said "Well, now that

you mention it, things have been rather normal."

"Geez, could you get me into any more trouble than usual?" Ranma asked

Kairi.

"Eh, Ranma?"

"Yeah?"

"What were you running from? Or, specifically WHO?"

"KUSO!"

A few seconds later Ranma was sent screeching into the skies over

Nerima as Akane's mallet lay smoking on the ground. "By the way, I heard

about what oneechan did." Akane said. "I'll make sure that she gives you

half the yen she made"

"What did she do?" Angelo inquiered "Oh, don't play around Angelo,"

Mihoshi said. "I'm sure they already know you helped Nabiki take the

pictures."

"EXCUSE ME?!?" Akane & Kairi yelled

"I mean it not like Kairi's not ashamed or anything, I mean the burn

scars on your chest really don't seem that bad!* Of course the shower

pictures kinda made me blush--" Angelo's eyes twitch as Mihoshi described

what she saw in all 22 photos, noting every detail, adding to Kairi's

mixture of rage & embarrassment. As Mihoshi finished, Angelo asked"Uh,

you're not gonna do what I think you're about to do are you." Kairi's left

eye glowed red. "Angelo, you're insured right?"

Try to imagine the sound of a F-16 breaking the sound barrier. The

noise that Kairi made as he kicked Angelo to the farthest island around

Japan was louder.

"My, how he flies." Mihoshi noted. "But how did Yuffie get here so

quickly?" Yuffie had once again latched onto Kairi as she said "Hey, love

propelled me."

"Sure it's not the other L word?" Akane laughed. "Wanna go to Ukyo's?"

"Sure. Wanna go Mihoshi?"

"Ok!"

As the group went on their way, Kairi sighed &, for the moment

defeated, put a arm around Yuffie. 'Can't run all the time from her' he

thought 'But I sure as hell tried.'

*In reality, I do have some burn scars on my right arm as well as part of my

chest.This is what happens when 3 year olds get near boilng kettles of

water. There's yer safety lesson for the day kids, now let me sleep!

ZZZZZZZZZZ.........

   [1]: mailto:kairi_64@hotmail.com
   [2]: mailto:sodoshi@hotmail.com



	3. Angelo Throws A Party

**Angelo Throws a Party**  
**(Or How One Of Washu's Love Potions Comes Back To Haunt Sean and Emma)  
written by [Kairi 'Shadow-Sage' Taylor][1]**
    
     
    
    Disclaimer: The characters within this psychosis-inducing fable are not 
    
    mine to begin with. They're the sole copyright of their respective 
    
    companies, with the exception of Kenneth Starr, who can't sue me for 
    
    what I'm about to do. So, enough with the formalities, let's go!
    
     
    
     
    
     
    
    The elevator on the 4th floor slowly opened and Jubilee walked 
    
    out, whistling and swinging a keychain in her hands. Behind her followed 
    
    Angelo, carrying a cardboard box marked 'Kairi's Stuff'. Right behind 
    
    him was Ev, Gaia, Jono, Akane & Ranma, saying, "Hey, are you sure Kairi 
    
    wouldn't mind if we stay for a while?"
    
    "Hey, don't worry about it," Jubilee said "He gave me a key and 
    
    as long as we don't turn the place into a warzone like we did at his 
    
    mom's house, he won't go insane on us." Ev laughed and said "Yeah, I 
    
    can't believe you'd try to make spaghetti with that stuff. Didn't you 
    
    know it was really an explosive potion?"
    
    "It'd probably be a better idea to read the label next time, 
    
    chica." Angelo smirked as Jubilee unlocked the door to 4H and said "Hey, 
    
    the neighbors survived, right? No harm, no foul." As Jubilee opened the 
    
    door, Gaia whistled and said "Hmm, nice place. I guess all that writing 
    
    paid off, huh?" The others all walked in and took a good look around. 
    
    The place was not too large and in the center of the place stood a big 
    
    T.V. with stereo speakers. A video rack, which held various anime, 
    
    Sci-fi & Hong Kong action tapes stood nearby. The kitchen had a window 
    
    that connected it and the living room together. Next to the couch stood 
    
    a tape recorder with a note that said "FOR THE GANG". Jubilee pressed 
    
    the play button and immediately Kairi's voice was heard "So, I see 
    
    you've made it to my new home. Well, I know by now that Jubilee 
    
    suggested you stay there awhile so let's get down to it. Now, first 
    
    things first. Let's not have any make out sessions like back at my mom's 
    
    house. You know what I mean, Ev & Gaia!"
    
    "Yikes!" Ev said as Angelo leered at the two making 
    
    smooching sounds. "Angelo, don't do that!" Kairi's voice said. "This 
    
    goes double for you. Ranma."
    
    "Gee, he knows you as well as I do." Akane said. "Ranma 
    
    shrugged his shoulders and said "Yeah, but why would he assume I'd be 
    
    making out with anybody, especially such an uncute girl like you?"
    
    "I assume now that Ranma just insulted Akane..."
    
    WHAM! SMACK! BOOM!
    
    "And she just replied in her usual fashion. Anyway, the 
    
    refrigerator has a lot of snacks. Just make sure you don't drink from 
    
    that silver canister. It's Washu's love whiskey potion. Believe me, you 
    
    really shouldn't touch it."
    
    "Hey guys!" Jubilee asked. "Did anyone of ya find out what 
    
    exactly was the agreement between them?"
    
    "It's nothing you need to know about, in case you're 
    
    wondering!" Kairi's voice replied. "Now, you can invite a few friends 
    
    over, but don't let them in my room! And don't touch my gold Legend of 
    
    Zelda cartridge or there's gonna be hell to pay. I won't be back until 
    
    later, so keep cool dudes."
    
    :Wow, the blokes a bit obsessed with the game, isn't he? 
    
    Jono mused.
    
    "I AM NOT OBSESSED!" Kairi's voice boomed as Jubilee turned 
    
    the recorder off. "Well, what should we do first?" Ranma said as he 
    
    looked over the video collection "He did say there was a lot of snacks 
    
    in the fridge." Ev said as he opened the fridge and took out a carton of 
    
    ice cream. "Anything worth watching?" Ranma whipped out a tape and said 
    
    "Check it out, he's got the dubbed version of 'Hard Boiled'!" Jono and 
    
    Angelo jumped on the couch and as Angelo expanded his arms to turn the 
    
    T.V. on, Jono said :Well, let's pop it in and watch! Nothin' else is 
    
    on. Ranma quickly put in the tape and turned the VCR on. As he sat on 
    
    the couch, they were greeted by a cop saying 'Give him a gun and he 
    
    thinks he's Superman, give him two and he's a god!' Akane sighed and 
    
    said, "Where did Kairi go any way?"
    
    "Marvel called him to discuss a new storyline. And something 
    
    about Diaz..."
    
     
    
    Kairi sat in his chair outside the offices of Stan Lee, 
    
    patiently tapping on the wall. In the office along with him sat the 
    
    Silver Surfer & Dr. Doom, who was reading the latest issue of Marvel. "I 
    
    can't believe it." Surfer said. "They said it was a good idea, me with 
    
    my own series. I had the X-Men's old time slot, CG scenes, everything. 
    
    Then the ratings came in. I was gone faster than Larry Hama at a common 
    
    sense meeting! Then, my comic gets canned! Sheesh!!"
    
    Dr. Doom nodded & said, "I know what you mean. I have not been 
    
    getting any work since that whole 'Heroes Return' job. I've been in this 
    
    business longer than I can remember and I've never seen anything like 
    
    it." Dr. Doom then noticed Kairi and said "Hey, aren't you one of those 
    
    guys who drove Hama mad? Heard you're under one of those curses."
    
    "Yeah, I'm one of them." Kairi said. "Just what kind of curse 
    
    was it anyway?" Surfer asked. Kairi then took a glass of water from 
    
    nearby and poured it over his head, changing him into a giant fox. "Wow, 
    
    that must be tough to live with." Doom said. Kairi held a sign which 
    
    read 'You have no idea!'.
    
    The door to Stan's office opened and Blink (yes, that's 
    
    right, I brought her here for a little cameo) walked out saying "Thanks 
    
    for the cola machine! Mondo really appreciates it!"
    
    "Anytime, Blink, anytime." Stan said. "Come in Kairi. Oh, I 
    
    see you've been showing off again. I'll send for the hot water." As Stan 
    
    sat at his desk, Kairi sat in the chair, scratching himself as Stan said 
    
    "Ok, before we get down to business there's another matter to discuss 
    
    besides who put laxatives in Rubien Diaz' food."
    
    'You're not talking about the Starr incident, are you?' 
    
    Kairi's sign read. "What are you..." Stan started to say. Then, out of 
    
    pure instinct, he turned his T.V. on as a news reporter said "FBI and 
    
    local officials still have no idea of how this bizarre event happened or 
    
    who to question." The focus shifted to an hat happened earlier that 
    
    day as Kenneth Starr addressed the House "And so," Starr said "It is my 
    
    opinion that Mr. Clinton's actions are completely unforgivable, highly 
    
    questionable and he should be removed fro-" At that moment. Juggernaut 
    
    fell through the roof of the building, landing on Starr. "Man," Juggie 
    
    said "I'll never call that girl uncute again!" The house was in an 
    
    uproar and people started to yell.
    
    "Oh my god, he killed Kenneth!"
    
    "You bastard!"
    
    Stan turned to look at Kairi, who immediately started to 
    
    whistle. Which, for him, was impossible, seeing as how he couldn't 
    
    whistle for all the money in the world.
    
     
    
    "Yeah, three pizzas," Angelo said "With sausage and peppers." 
    
    As Angelo hung the phone up, Gaia said, "You think it's a good idea to 
    
    order that much pizza?" Angelo smiled and said, "Hey, you gotta have 
    
    pizza when you have a party, right." Akane looked from the kitchen and 
    
    said "Party? I don't think that'll be a good idea." Angelo nodded and 
    
    say, "Hey, we never formally celebrated when we got rid of Hama right? 
    
    It'll be cool and I'm certain that Kairi wouldn't mind. Besides I'd 
    
    rather risk heartburn than certain death from your cooking!"
    
    As Angelo fell on the ground after being laid out by Akane, 
    
    Jubilee and Ev stood over him shaking their headsJono replied. Gaia laughed and asked 
    
    "Just who did invite?" The ceiling suddenly had a hole added to it and 
    
    Shampoo leapt in with a huge basket saying "Nihao!" Jubilee groaned, 
    
    saying "Gaia, can you..." Gaia nodded and said, "Yeah, I got it." As the 
    
    hole was being attended to, Shampoo hugged Ranma, saying, "Shampoo so 
    
    happy! Ranma come to see Shampoo!" Ranma shook his head saying "It's a 
    
    coincidence!" The doorbell rung and Jono went to open it, being very 
    
    careful to duck the mallet that Akane tossed in Ranma's direction. He 
    
    was greeted by Mousse, Ukyo, Ayeka and Mihoshi. "I see that Shampoo has 
    
    made it in her usual fashion." Mousee observed as he pointed in the 
    
    direction of Ranma. "Did the others arrive yet?" 
    
    :Others? Jono inquired. "Oh, we called a few of our friends 
    
    over, if it's ok with you." Ayeka said. 
    
    "Make way! Is this celebration not complete without nobility 
    
    such as that of the great Tatewaki Kuno!?" 
    
     
    
    Tigrr sat at the keyboard, looking over the latest stuff 
    
    that's been sent her way. The newest story looked very promising and 
    
    fulfilling, but it was a bit short. As she started to look over the 
    
    discussion board, Kairi entered the room, bookbag over his arm, saying 
    
    "Well dude, I got the stuff!" Tigrr snapped her fingers and said "Cool, 
    
    you actually convinced them to sign it.?" Kairi nodded and said "Yeah, I 
    
    mean look at the support you gave 'em during the dark ages dude." Kairi 
    
    reached into his bag and handed over a copy of Gen X# 1, which the 
    
    whole team signed. "I'm beat though." Kairi sighed as he leaned on the 
    
    wall. "All this interdimensional trips are gonna wear me down sooner or 
    
    later!" Tigrr nodded and said "I know. You know what it's like having to 
    
    listen to Emplate complain about being turned to M-Plate? Hey, you do 
    
    realize he's gonna give you hell for not being in this story!"
    
    "I know. But that's not the worst of it. Not only has Washu 
    
    not picked up that love potion for over a month now, but it's seems that 
    
    Yuffie's got the hot's for me!!" Tigrr raised an eyebrow. "Are you 
    
    sure?" The window opened and Yuffie leapt in, saying "Gotcha now, 
    
    loverboy!"
    
    "You weren't kidding were you?"
    
    "I wish."
    
     
    
    By evening, Kairi's apartment was beginning to get filled 
    
    up. In addition to Cannonball, Logan, Anita (she's MisaoChen, check out 
    
    the story 'Anime fun With Hama), Rogue and Gambit, Ryoko, Tenchi, Yuffie 
    
    (who decided to wait at Kairi's) Sasami, Ryoga and Nabiki arrived as 
    
    well. 
    
    "Geez, never thought that so many people would arrive." 
    
    Jubilee said as Logan drank some beer and said. "Well just as long as 
    
    the place is still in one piece, darlin', then Kairi shouldn't be too 
    
    angry." A force bolt from Ryoko narrowly missed Rogue as Anita said "Hmm 
    
    ,so much for that notion."
    
    "Say, where Mousse go?" Shampoo asked as she and Ukyo 
    
    brought in a plateful of okonomiyaki (a style of Japanese pizza. there 
    
    goes another lesson in all things Japanese) "Beats me," said Anita. 
    
    "Last time I saw him, he was talking to Mihoshi.
    
     
    
    "Somehow, I've got a bad idea about this," Ev said as Gaia 
    
    led him to one of the guest rooms. "Don't worry," Gaia said "No one's 
    
    gonna find out." She quickly pushed Ev into the darkness within and 
    
    closed the door behind them. As they moved toward the back of the room, 
    
    someone said "Hey, who stepped on my foot?"
    
    The lights were turned on and Ev said "Huh? You two?!?!" 
    
    Apparently, they had stumbled into a making out session between Mihoshi 
    
    and Mousse. Both couples started to blush a lot as Mihosi asked "Er, 
    
    what are you guys, umm I mean...."
    
    "Nothing!" Gaia quipped "Uh you guys...."
    
    "Uh, I think it's fair to say," Mousse started "That none of 
    
    us will speak about this little event to anyone else, especially Shampoo 
    
    and Kairi."
    
    "Agreed!" Ev nodded, thinking of what type of punishment 
    
    Kairi might deal out!
    
    "HOLY FLYIMG CRAP BROTHERS!"
    
    "Kairi?"
    
     
    
    Sean & Emma stood by watching as Kairi was being gripped in
    
    a loving embrace by Yuffie "So, you'd think you'd escape me so easily, 
    
    eh?" she said. "Yow, take it easy will ya?" Kairi said. "Now, before I 
    
    do anything else, Can someone please explain how such a interesting 
    
    little party came about?"
    
    "Hmm, if I did not know any better, I'd say that one of my 
    
    students, namely Angelo, decided to hold this little affair." Emma said, 
    
    looking straight at him. "From my understanding, it's a party to 
    
    celebrate the departure of Hama." Nabiki said "That I can live with." 
    
    Kairi said, with Yuffie still at his waist "Relax, young thespian," Kuno 
    
    said "It is a time for merriment for the departure of an hated enemy..."
    
    "Oh, sweet god, no..."
    
    "He always got bad poetry..."
    
    "Yes, lad, we get the picture" Sean said "Now I hope ye kids 
    
    had enough common sense tae keep the place in order." Kairi sniffed and 
    
    said "Ok, who left gumbo on top of my T.V.?" 
    
    "Sorry, mon ami." Gambit said.
    
    "A hole in the wall...Ryoko..."
    
    "Sheesh, is it my fault that Tenchi's someone worthy to fight 
    
    over..."
    
    "Well, just as long as the place is still in tip top shape. 
    
    Well, I'll be in my room playing Zelda. Yuffie, you can let go of me 
    
    sometime before I go to sleep." As Kairi walked to his room, Jubilee 
    
    said "Uh oh."
    
    "What do you mean by that, Jubilee?" Emma asked. "Angelo was 
    
    playing Zelda earlier," Sasami said. "And you know how much he loves 
    
    that one." Sean smiled as Ryo-oki leapt up on his shoulder, saying "Now 
    
    now lass, there's nothin' ta fear. The lad cannae be that obsessed with 
    
    that game."
    
    "I do believe it's the gold cartridge that he has." Ranma 
    
    said. 
    
    "Oh crap."
    
    Kairi emerged from his room, gold cartridge in hand Yuffie 
    
    still attached to him. "Uh, Yuffie..." Anita said.
    
    "Don't say it, I know." she said as she ran to her. "Alright, 
    
    who did it!?!" Kairi exclaimed. "Who played Zelda and scratched the 
    
    cartridge." Angelo gulped and said "Hey, chill out amigo. I didn't play 
    
    it for that long." 
    
    "He played it for an hour." Tenchi said. "He also accidentally 
    
    erased all of the files." Ryoga added.
    
    As Kairi slowly closed his eyes, he muttered "If I only had a 
    
    suitable weapon..."
    
    "You may take mine if you wish, noble warrior," Kuno said 
    
    offering his bokken (wooden sword) "But keep in mind that there are 
    
    other ways of solving such disputes." At that, Kairi opened his eyes and 
    
    said "That will not be necessary, upperclassman Kuno. I'll be right 
    
    back." Kairi then blinked out as Shampoo said "You should leave while 
    
    still alive."
    
    :You're in too deep, pal Jono said as he left the place. "I 
    
    imagine somehow that any punishment I have for you will be dwarfed by 
    
    his thirst for vengeance." Emma said. As Angelo gulped, he asked "Any 
    
    advice?"
    
    "Yeah kid." Logan said "Start sayin' yer prayers."
    
    "Yo, Amigo!"
    
    Angelo turned to see Kairi dump a bucket of water over his 
    
    head. Everyone watched as Angelo shrunk and transformed into a raccoon. 
    
    "Jusenkyo." Ranma said, "Well why not." 
    
    "Remind me never to cross his path." Kuno said
    
     
    
    Kairi yawned and woke up. It was 6 in the morning and he 
    
    noticed that Yuffie was laying right next to him on the couch. He also 
    
    saw that Jubilee, Ranma and Ukyo were watching him and giggling. "Well 
    
    don't you too make a cute couple." Ukyo quipped. "Yeah, yeah." Yuffie 
    
    yawned as she woke up. "Last time I'll ever stay up watching Hong Kong 
    
    action flicks!" Jubilee stretched her arms and said, "Hey, where'd Frosty 
    
    and Banshee go?"
    
     "ARRRGGGGGHHHHHH!!!!!"
    
    Ranma said "Hey, that came from Kairi's room!" Quickly, they 
    
    all got up and went to Kairi's room. They opened the door to see both 
    
    Sean and Emma at opposite sides of the bed, covered in sheets, sans 
    
    clothing. "What the hell is this?" Jubilee said, "All I know is that I 
    
    woke next to Sean here," Emma said "And we are both very naked." Kairi 
    
    shook his head and said "I knew I should have tracked Washu down when I 
    
    had the chance!"
    
    "Ah, you miss me!" They turned to see Washu standing behind 
    
    with a baby in her arms. "I take it that someone drank the love potion 
    
    by mistake." Sean nodded and said, "I knew that whiskey tasted odd." 
    
    Washu took out a small black device and looked at it carefully. "Emma, 
    
    take a look at this." she said, tossing the device to her. Emma 
    
    carefully looked at the device and blushed. "Um Sean..."
    
    "What now?
    
    "I am pregnant."
    
    "Dude! You're gonna be a father." Kairi said. Ukyo looked at 
    
    the baby that Washu was holding. "Hey, who's the kid." she asked. "Oh, 
    
    this is my son, Hideo. Thanks to a new invention, I was able to so into 
    
    limbo and stay there long enough to give birth. Of course, it was tricky 
    
    getting the father's DNA..."
    
    "Who's the dad?" Jubilee asked.
    
    "Kairi."
    
    "Wow, you're a dad!" Ranma said to Kairi, who fainted saying 
    
    "It figures!!"
    
     

(Author's note: This tale was very weird for me to write. Hideo's role will be explained in the future. In case you're wondering…..NO KAIRI DIDN'T HAVE SEX YOU NAUGHTY HENATI MINDED PEOPLE!!!. I wrote this all in one night…& I was rushed. Oh well…)

   [1]: mailto:kairi_64@hotmail.com



	4. Emplate Goes On A Rampage Pt 12

**EMPLATE GOES ON A RAMPAGE**  
(Or How The Future Of Sean & Emma's Daughter Is Somewhat Secured)  
**PART 1  
Written by [Kairi "Shadow Sage" Taylor][1]**

Author's Note: This was written in two parts because of a little problem I had with Hotmail at my college computer. The size restriction on the PC & Hotmail kept me from writing it as one document. Needless to say, it annoyed me. Also, a bunch of fellow writers show up as well. I actually begged Quamp to appear in the story. It was really pathetic - -;…….

Disclaimer: The characters within this scatterbrained little story ain't 

mine, ok? They are the sole copyrights of their respective companies, 

yadda yadda yadda...Oh yes, a man by the name of Rubien Diaz makes an 

appearance here, as I believe it's about time he got his. Well, time to 

get a groove on....

Tigrr walked into the game room of the fanfiction writers guild, 

somewhat impressed by the quickness of how the place was organized. 

Jubilee and Kairi built the place in a secluded area in a nearby forest 

at Snow Valley, so that the writers could relax, work & if be needed, 

plan out many typesof revenge on certain writers and editors who 

reduced their favorite comics from great to really crappy. She smiled &

watched with curiousity at the game taking place. Kairi & Quamp were in 

the middle of an OverPower Game, both sweating heavily as each card was 

laid on the table (In reality, the whole lot of us don't know jack about 

this game. I needed a card game as a introduction to the first problem 

in the story, so here it is.) Humber12 (H12) sat next to Ranma, in 

female form, keeping score. "What's going on?" Tigrr asked "Oh, we're 

trying to settle an arguement here." Ranma replied As Quamp laid down 

his next card, Kairi held his hand to his head & said "Damn, you've 

won!" Quamp sighed heavily & said "Well, that should end our arguement." 

Tigrr shurgged her shoulders & asked "Just what were they trying to 

settle anyway?"

"We're trying to decide who has to talk to Jubilee first," H12 

explained. "She's locked herself in the storage room & she's stayed in 

there ever since." Ranma nodded her head & replied "She's whacked 

everybody else who went inside so it's just us now."

"Wow, so she still hasn't gotten over Everret, huh?" Tigrr said. 

"Yeah, we thougt she was taking it well," Quamp said. "That is, until a 

certain someone had to ask one question too many..."

"Hey, all I know is that I asked her where Ev was, & the next thing 

I know, I was running for my life!" Kairi said. "I just feel bad for the 

janitor, though. She threw the mini radio at him." 

"Yeah, I saw him laying face down in the infirmary," Tigrr said. 

"She hit him in the back or something?" The others grimaced as Quamp 

said "Er, not exactly. Did the proctoligist get here by the way?"

"C'mon, let's get this over with." Kairi sighed as he got up to go. 

Ranma nooded, saying "Better go with him before she eats the rest of my 

ramen." Tigrr shruggged and said "At least she's got her appetite."

"She ate it raw." Ranma answered. "Not to mention half of my 12 

cartons of Cherry Garcia!!" Tigrr smiled & replied "Well, I'll go along 

too. What about you guys?" 

"Nah, we'll stay here," H12 said. "I somehow feel a lot safer when 

Kairi does this sorta thing."

"That's usually because I'm the one getting hurt."

When they arrived at the storeroom door, all was seemingly quiet 

for the moment. Kairi turned to look at Tigrr & Ranma, who were waving 

from behind an upturned table, giving the ok signal. Gulping and 

crossing himself, despite the fact that he was not a member of the 

catholic chruch, Kairi knocked on the door and said "Uh Jubilee, it's me 

Kai-"

"Go away!!!" Jubilee's voice boomed as something hard struck the 

door. Kairi, undaunted by the current dilema, continued. "I know that 

you are still mad about Ev & stuff, but you gotta lighten up. I mean-"

The door swung wildly open as Jubilee came out yelling "I SAID GO 

AWAY!!!!" & let loose a full barrage of her paffs (Author's note: paffs? 

PAFFS?!?!) right into Kairi's face. When she finally stopped, she said 

"Aw, geez, Kairi, I'm so sorry. I didn't mean to do that!"

"Kairi, you ok?" Tigrr said as she waved the smoke rising from his 

hat away. "Nah, he's fine," Ranma said "Yesterday Kitty Pryde kicked him 

in the ribs & he ate some of Akane's cookies."

"Whoa, can't believe he's still walking."

"Yeah, those boots had steel toes in them."

"Actually, I was referring to Akane's cooking."

"So, can we talk now?" Kairi said as he leaned against the wall. 

Jubilee nodded & said "I dunno, like it's all so confusing. I mean, I 

thought that Gaia really wasn't intrested in him, but now, they totally 

hang out together & it seems like he has no time for me anymore, ya 

know?" Ranma nodded as Tigrr said "C'mon, cheer up, it could be worst."

"How so?"

"You could end up like Kairi."

"Hey!!" Kairi said. "I'm perfectly happy just the way I am."

"Oh, so you're comfortable with the fact that you've never dated 

since you hit puberty?"

"I'm very comfortable being single," Kairi explained. "I mean, it's 

not my fault that I've been turned down by every single girl i asked 

out...ever...for the past 8 years of my life." Kairi turned & started to 

pound his head on the wall, saying "Dear God, I've become my dad!!!"

"I see what you mean now," Jubilee said. "Well I'll be fine now. 

You guys wanna see a movie? I'm bored."

"Yeah, let's do that." Ranma said "Oh, Kairi, Washu said to meet 

her at the academy." Kairi nodded & said "Ok, just as well, she ate all 

of my ice cream."

"What can I say, I like Ben & Jerry's!"

Emplate stood in the center of the lobby facing off with the rest 

of the team, looking around as he saw that the current roster of 

Acolytes were taken out. Angelo, Ev, Gaia Paige & Monet stood ready to 

fight as D.O.A. ran to his boss & said "I don't think the boys will be 

any use right now boss!!" Emplate stood, still talking to himself. 

{M-Plate? Was that man daft? Of all the indignites I suffered, that was 

the lowest I was put through...}

"Uh, boss..."

{Why couldn't that kid put me in the story with the others? I'm 

vengeful enough. I've got a beef with him too...}

"BOSS!!!"

{Hmm?! Oh, right. Now, dear sister, I shall now forever erase you &

your friends from my life!}

"You have alwaysbeen such an optimist, Marius," Monet replied. 

"We've done this many times before, you know who shall win." A high 

blast of energy landed at Paige's feet as Emplate said {Perhaps I shuld 

have told you that I've sucked the marrow of a particularly strong 

mutant beforehand. Oops.}

"This is not good!" Ev said as Emplate started to fill the room 

with blasts of energy. As everone ducked into the next room, Gaia said 

"Ok, like if anyone has a plan, now would be the best time to use it!"

"I say we run, but that's me." Angelo said. "Well, it's nothing to 

worry about." Monet said. "All we need is a good strategy, now let's 

see..."

"Hello there."

Ev & Paige turned to see Washu standing behind them with Hideo 

strapped to her back. "Huh, what are you doing here?" Paige asked. "Ms. 

Frost & I need to discuss a few arrangements." Washu replied.

"I could have Paige husk into a reflective metal while I use an 

extra powerful psi blast..."

"Well, she left with Mr. Cassidy to go to the gynecologist a while 

ago. But, we're in a big problem right now."

"Or I could have Gaia come up from behind & synch with Ev while 

Angelo & I distract him..."

"Oh yes, the guy in the front. I'll take care of it." Washu handed 

Hideo to Angelo and whipped out a large, shoulder mounted laser rifle 

(Author's note: Assume that it's specially modified to handle beings 

like him. Then again, has anyone even THOUGHT of using a large laser on 

him....) She walked out & immediatley aimed & fired a huge blast at 

Emplate. Emplate was sent crashing into the wall next to the front door 

as Monet said "Hmm, simple but effective." The rest of the team walked 

into the lobby as Washu said "You know, I can redesign thewhole 

security system for you."

"Holy !@#$, she just fried the boss!!!" one of the acolytes said as 

he ran for his life. "She's right. Thanks to Marvel, lately any gringo 

with a rifle & a chip on their shoulder can just waltz in here!"

"Cripes, she squished him like a bug!" D.O.A. yelled. Emplate 

started to move his head as he said {Damn you!!! I'm going to suck th-}

The door swung open, hard, in Emplate's face, As Tigrr, Jubilee, 

Ranma & Kairi, who had a huge mallet, walked in. "Whoa, looks like WWII 

in here." Tigrr said. "I take it a major villian was here."

"Yes, quite a brief battle." Monet said. "What's with the huge 

mallet?" Kairi held it up & said "This? Akane gave it to me on the way 

over. Look at what this baby can do!!" Kairi then proceded to slam the 

mallet into the door with repeated, hard, violent swings, not knowing 

that Emplate was behind it. When he finally stopped, Emplate crawled out 

& said {Anyone got an Advil?!?}

Upon seeing Gaia & Everett together, Jubilee quickly said "Well, 

um, we're here. C'mon, let's go to the movies!" As she quickly grabbed 

Ranma's arm & dragged her out the front door, Angelo shook his head &

said "Man, chica's been acting weird the whole week." Tigrr nodded as 

Kairi said "It's a long story, but now ain't the time. So, what's up 

Washu?"

"I'm gonna need your help in the lab today," Washu explained as she 

handed their son to him "I've just finished work on a new space-"

"Um, hello!?" D.O.A. started, crossing his arms, looking up at 

them. "There's a little matter of you two blastin' my boss an' whacking 

him with an oversized croquet mallet!" Monet walked over & asked "Shall 

I?" 

"If you insist." Kairi said.

BOOM!!!CRASH!!!

Paige & Gaia looked up at the huge hole in the ceiling & whistled. 

"Wow, good distance." Paige said "Well, it helps if you put a little 

strength in the kick." Tigrr smiled & said "Well, I guess I'll hang out 

with you guys for a while. I'll have to hold off on that movie."

"I'll go get Jubilee." Ev said. As he went for the door, Kairi 

grabbed his shoulder & said "Sorry dude, but I'd pass on that notion." 

Ev, shaking his head, was about to ask why when Tigrr said "Trust him on 

this." As Washu & Kairi left, Washu said "I see that Jubilee has 

something for him after all." Kairi nodded & replied "Maybe we should 

talk to her after we get finished in the lab. Washu closed her eyes for 

a minute & said "I got an idea."

"Somehow you always do."

"Ah, my aching back!" D.O.A. moaned as he & Emplate walked through 

an back alley in Manhattan. Emplate slowly followed behind, muttering 

{You know, for a 20,000 year old being in a 12 year old body, she seems 

very capable of carrying around both a child & a shoulder monted laser.} 

D.O.A. shrugged & replied "Hey, I wanna know where that Akane girl keeps 

all her mallets, but I'd rather not know!!"

{Well, at least we were in this story!} Emplate said. {But I wish 

it was a bigger role.}

"Then perhaps I can be of some assistance!"

Rubien Diaz stepped out of the shadows, a leather pouch dangling 

carelessly in his hands "I see that one of Kairi's little friends gave 

you a run for the money." Rubien said. "What's it to you?" D.O.A. 

quipped, but Emplate grunted & said {You have an offer for us? Think 

carefully what you say, since most of us hold you responsible for Hama's 

little escapades!}

"Relax, I'm here to help you." Diaz said. "Thanks to all of them, 

I'm a virtual target for every hero, sidekick, fanfic writer & anime 

hero piloting a Mech! (Author's note: I refer to Mechs such as those 

found in Macross{Robotech}, Gundam, Neon Genesis & Policenauts, not the 

Power Rangers!! eccch!!) But with this little relic, I believe we both 

shall be happy with the end results"

"How shall we use this?" asked D.O.A. as Emplate was given the 

pouch. "Oh, don't worry about it, you won't be using this for the next 

few scenes in here."

"The Lina Inverse Beginner's Guide to Sorcery." Jubilee said as she 

looked through the book that was in Washu' lab. "What made you wanna 

read something like this?"

Kairi gave Hideo his little crab doll & said "Cause it's something 

intresting to read about. I need a hobby other than writing."

"It's also for people who are short tempered & very sensitive about 

their physical features." Ranma replied "Do me a favor & turn back into 

a guy soon so that I can clobber you!!" Kairi said. "Now, now, let's not 

kill each other in my lab." Washu said as she turned away from the 

terminal she was at. "Tha's what Tenchi's house is for." Snapping her 

fingers, a large cylinder shaped transpoter came from out of nowhere. 

"Now Kairi, I've built this new transporter system using some of the 

same scematics from the dimensional cannon. My new space station can now 

freely travel between dimensions at your choosing."

"How does it work?" Ranma asked. "Simple, first Kairi steps into 

the transporter." Kairi, looking scared to try just about anything right 

now, carefully stepped into the transporter & watched as the glass door 

closed behind him. "Now, all I have to do is set the coordinates 

together &..." Washu turned to the keyboard & typed in a few commands. 

Seconds later, Kairi found himself in the main bridge of a huge space 

station that overlooked the Earth of one of the dimensions he tended to 

visit. "Hey, where am I?" Kairi asked. A monitor lowered to his side as 

Washu's face appeared & said "Well, right now you are over the Earth in 

Cloud's dimension. There should be a small control panel that you can 

use to control everything." As Kairi looked at the small radar that had 

begun to blink, Ranma's face appeared & said "Hey, see any comets up 

there?!!" Kairi shook his head. "Nah, just some bleeping on the radar." 

"Kairi, quick call up the telescope option." Washu said. Kairi 

pulled a switch & a huge monitor came up & flicked on. On the screen was 

a huge, green meteor. "The good news is that your getting a glimpse of 

the Strago Comet, the hugest comet in Cloud's dimension. It's rumored 

that whenever it passes by, it's a sign of intresting things to come 

about. It's even said to have the very power to bring life about."

"Hey, that's cool." Kairi replied. "Uh, Kairi..." Jubilee's face 

appeared on the monitor as she said "Is their anything cool about a 

meteor the size of Galactus' butt coming down to destroy a planet? I 

guess this ain't a good time to tell ya you're in the direct path." 

Blinking, Kairi looked at the huge moitor, at the communications 

monitor, than back at the monitor and screamed "WHAT IN THE HELL DO YOU 

MEAN THAT BIG ASS ROCK'S GONNA CRASH INTO ME?!!!"

"Knew he'd panic" Ranma mumbled as Washu said "Don't worry about a 

thing, I've got everything planned for just such an emergency. Now on 

the control panel, there's a red lever. Pull it up." Kairi, working 

quickly to save his life pulled the red leveras fast as he could. The 

room lit red as A computerized voice said "ALERT! NOW PREPARING MINI 

DIMENSONAL CANNON! ALL PERSONAL EVACUATE BASE IMMEDIATLEY!" Kairishook 

his head as a bright purple light formed outside of the station. 

"Washu, I believe I would like to return now!!" Kairi said a a bright 

beam began to go out into the vast darkness of space.

"Well, he should be back any second." Washu said as the beam 

obliterrated the huge space rock. "Another day, another planet rescued." 

Kairi appeared in the transporter, but the door wouldn't open. "Hey, 

what gives? I'd like to get out now."

"Relax, I'll get you out." Jubilee said. As she got up, she 

noticed that the monitor was all black and red words began to fill the 

screen. "Um, Washu, what does that mean?"

Washu turned and read what was on the monitor. "Alert, Dimensional 

Circuts Overload, now reading emergency test data...uh oh."

"What do you mean uh-oh?" Kairi asked.

Almost instantly, a surge of energy ripped through Kairi, giving 

him a tremendous shock as the lab began to shake. After a few moments, 

it subsided & the transporter opened. Kairi staggered out & Jubilee 

asked "Um, what just happened here?"

"I think I know." Washu said as she picked up Hideo. "C'mon, let's 

go back to the house."

The group walked out of the lab & saw that the house was rather in 

a shambles. Books & sheets were all over the floor. "Either there was a 

earthquake, or Ryoko & Ayeka's at it again." Jubilee said. "I'm betting 

on the second one."

"Everything's quiet." said Ranma as she carefully stepped over a 

pile of books. Then, as Kairi looked up, out of nowhere Yuffie fell from 

the ceiling & into Kairi's arms. Upon seeing Kairi, she smiled & said 

"Hah! Now I now you like me!!!" Kairi began to blush profusley as 

Jubilee asked "Yuffie? Where'd you come from?"

"It's strange. One minute, I'm hanging on a rope in this materia 

cave & the next minute..." she squeezed Kairi as she said "Well, what do 

I care look at where I'm at!" Kairi looked rather pale as Sasami rushed 

in & said "Guys, come out & look!!"

Every body walked out & gasped. A huge airship was flying over 

the Masaki residence, & on the shore of the lake, Captain America &

Anita, very bewildered, looked all about them. Nearby, a chocobo raced 

around with Ryo-Oh-ki and a Mew on it's back. "Oh man, I can't believe 

it!!" Kairi said. "Yeah, something totally weird is happening!" Jubilee 

replied.

"Nah, i was referring to that Mew!!" Kairi said "I've been 

looking for that one for 2 months!"

"Can someone please explain what's going on here?" Captain 

America asked. "Well, it's kinda hard to explain..."Ranma said. "That 

is, if we knew the exact details."

"Uh, Kairi," Anita asked. "Why are you holding Yuffie?" Kairi 

looked at Yuffie again & turned more red as Anita asked "It's probably 

something I don't wanna know about, right?"

"A interdimensional WHAT?" asked Sean as he sat at the conference 

table with Quamp & H12 drinking coffee. "From what Washu told the U.N., 

it's a interdimensional merge." Quamp explained. "When that meteor was 

destroyed, it released al of it's stored up energy from within. When 

Kairi was teleported, the energy ripped through the rift in space &

overloaded the machine."

"The machine thought that Kairi was back up data & used the data 

of what dimensions Kairi has most recently visited." H12 continued. "But 

it also had received an enormous amount of energy & used it up in the 

process & now..."

"I got it, lass," Sean sighed. "5 Earths in one." Quamp nodded, 

saying "Well, this should be some interesting tale to tell to your little 

daughter someday."

"I still don't buy this idea of a arranged marriage." Sean said. 

"How can Washu calculate that me future daughter n' her son will fall in 

love?" H12 shrugged & said "Hey, it's Washu we're talking about here, 

she probably knows more about it than we think." Quamp got up to go to 

the microwave & said "By the way, did Washu say how long it would take 

to repair what happened to the rifts?"

"Yeah, about 10,000 years." H12 said. "Give or take a few 

hundred. By the way, where's Emma?"

"She got the others to set up blind dates fer Kairi & Jubilee." 

Sean answered. "She's figurin' that since Jubilee is so depressed &

Kairi has no life whatsoever, they need tae go an' have some fun."

"Really, who are they gonna go with."

"ME?" Ukyo asked as she sat at the table of her restaurant with 

Ranma & Angelo. "Why do you wanna set me up with him?" Ranma put his 

food down & said "Cause I don't wanna see you so miserable after the 

wedding, Ok? I mean, that whole Konatsu thing just didn't work out &

then there's you & Ryoga..."

"We never went out." Ukyo replied "That's just a rumor that 

someone's been spreading." 

"C'mon, it'll be fun," Angelo said. "Kairi's somewhat of a nice 

guy, that is if he doesn't faint if you hold hands..."

"Thank you, Angelo." Ukyo said.

"Or start kissing..."

"OK, I get it."

"Or slip him the tounge..."

SPLASH!

Angelo, now in raccoon form, shook off the water from his fur as 

Ukyo said "Alright, since you asked nicely Ranma, I'll do it. You better 

just send me a nice souvenier when you're on vacation."

"Have I ever let you down?" Ranma asked.

"Where do you want me to start?"

"Huh? Jubilee?" Ryoga asked as Akane & Monet walked through the 

hallways of the academy. "But why me?"

"I think it's time you try to go on a date with a nice girl for a 

change." Akane said. "Unfortunatley, there were none available, so we'll 

have to settle for Jubilee." Monet added. Ryoga, doubtful, not to 

mention the fact that he still had feelings for Akane, said "Where do I 

take her?"

"I would say someplace where it's guaranteed she'll never return, 

but that's my suggestion." Monet said. "But instead, try a nice movie 

instead."

"Ok, I'll pick her up tonight." Ryoga said. Both Akane & Monet 

shook their heads, saying "No, stay here, it'll take you another 2 days 

to get back here!"

"Geez, I'd thought they never get back to us!" D.O.A. said as he 

& Emplate stood in the middle of a paved row in Central Park. {It's 

called building plot, you should get used to it.} Emplate answered as he 

opened the pouch & took out a large, green amulet. As a bright light 

swerlled around him, Emplate said {Soon, that universal merger will be 

nothing compared to what I shall do! Heh heh heh.}

"Oh great, typical villianous laughter!" D.O.A. said. "How 

predictable!"

(You've got a problem with my storytelling?)

"A problem? You merge our universes, which is SO passe, you get 

Emplate magical powers & you have Jubilee going on a blind date with 

Ryoga, RYOGA, of all people, which all winds down to a typical super 

hero showdown with the boss? Can't you do something more fun than this? 

DO SOMETHING SPONTENANEOUS YOU REJECT FROM THERAPY!!!"

(OK, you asked for it.)

BOOM!!CRACKLE!!FIZZ!!

{Oh my god, you killed off D.O.A.!!! Sweet!!}

(Now, where were we...?)

Ukyo sat at the table in the small cafe that she & Kairi were at, 

quietly watching as Kairi, who was still pretty nervous, ate a burger. 

"You've been like that all night." she said

"Like what"

"Really nervous. You've become as red as a beet."

"I'm not used to being on a date. I'm so used to being rejected

& stuff. Besides, I thought you were going out with-"

"Don't go there." Ukyo interrupted. "It's like saying you &

Yuffie are a couple."

"Touchee. Well, it's not like I can't stand her or anything, it's just that she'e well…overwhelming."

"Well, you have to admit, she is very affectionate." Ukyo said. 

"I guess it would be nice for me to start thinking about other guys as 

well." Ukyo sighed & said "Ranma's right, I shouldn't be so miserable."

"I've spent the bulk of my junior high life being miserable." 

Kairi said. "Hey, did I tell you about this little incident a while back 

in the city?"

"No, what happened?" Ukyo asked.

"Well, Angelo had this idea of selling..."

Jubilee felt good watching the movie as she looked at Ryoga. He 

seemed Ok right now depite the fact that he was a bundle of nerves when 

he was at the academy. Of course, the date would probably be more fun if 

Angelo didn't tag along. "Funny, isn't it?" Jubilee asked. Ryoga, 

somewhat absentminded as he looked at the screen, said "Huh?"

"I said it's funny."

"The movie, yeah, I guess so."

"Nah, I mean what i was thinking about. I thought I'd be real 

grumpy with Ev not being here an' all, but I feel so much better now." 

She sighed & non chalantly put her hands on Ryoga's. Ryoga quickly 

turned a even brighter shade of red than Kairi's & said "Um, I uh, just 

remembered I,um,need popcorn. I'll be back. C'mon Angelo!" Ryoga &

Angelo quietly left the seats & ran to up the aisles.

"Hombre, next time you take someone to the movies, bring a map 

with you." Angelo said as they walked to the food counter. "Hey, it was 

Monet who said I'd take 5 hours to get back to the movie theater." Ryoga 

replied. "I just hope I've got enough for food." Angelo looked outside 

at the windows & said "Hey, something's going on outside."

"What is it?" Ryoga asked. "There's a whole lot of people 

running." Angelo said. "Now a car just got tossed past us. Oh, it's only 

Emplate with super stong powers." As Angelo turned away from the window, 

he raised an eyebrow. "What did I just say I saw?"

"If I tell you, will it mean we'll have to go out & stop him?"

"Yeah."

"You saw Emplate."

"Oh, crap."

"So, I pick up Angelo in one arm, the contraband keychains in the 

other & jumped out from the truck onto a chocobo." Kairi finished as 

Ukyo was still laughing from his tale. "I think it's safe to say we're 

out of the sales business in Niblheim."

"How come you don't tell any of those stories?" Ukyo asked. "It's 

just so many things to remember." Kairi replied. As he drank his Surge 

(Author's note: SUUURRRRRRGGGGGEEEEEE!) Jubilee, Angelo & Ruyoga ran 

into the diner, panting. "You guys, come quick! It's a big crisis!!" 

Ryoga said. 

"Lemme guess, Shampoo found out Angelo was peeping at girls in 

his raccoon form & now she swore to beat him up." Kairi replied. "So, it 

was you!!" Ukyo said as she took out her giant spatula & whacked him 

senseless. "Uh, actually, i was gonna say that Emplate was going on a 

rampage in the city." Jubilee said. "Emplate?" Where's the others at?" 

Kairi asked.

"They're at the Avenger's HQ on the West Coast. They ain't 

coming back for at least an hour." Kairi sighed & pulled out the 

spellbook & a staff. "Ok, I guess we should do something."

The streets were totally decimated at furniture & cars were 

being upheaved in Times Square. Emplate stood in the middle of the 

street as the group faced him. "Give me a minute to set it up & we'll 

have no troble with him." Kairi said. As Kairi walked toward Emplate, 

taking the staff with him, Jubilee said "Ok, Emplate, wanna clarify why 

you just took out the Disney Store?"

{Ah, is this all the competion that's here?} Emplate said. {I 

have so much power to use & all that opposses me is two mutants, a 

ronin, a oknomiyaki chef & a fanfic writer who's making a circle around 

me...Wait just a second. What ARE you doing?}

"Who, me?" Kairi said as he finished making the final markings 

in the ground. "Nothing really."

{You're not making a magical circle which would soon erupt from 

the ground & fry me a golden brown are you?}

"Do I look like the sorta person who would do that?"

{Well now that you men-ARRGHHH} A huge blast of magical fire 

erupted from the ground as Emplate was sent flying into the sky. "OK, 

that's done." Jubilee said."I guess we can..."

{NOT SO FAST!!!} Emplate landed on his feet & said {This tale 

isn't named after me for nothing. Let me show the best little secret of 

the amulet!!} Emplate raised his arm as he began to grow. And grow.

"This is probably the most intresting date I've been on yet." 

Ukyo said as they began to run.

The reporter stood at the pier, back away from the city as he 

said "So, once again after years of being rocked by meteors, spaceships, 

tidal waves, ghosts & giant monsters, New York has managed to rebuild 

itself once agai-"

Emplate suddenly came out of nowhere as he ripped the roof of a 

warehouse, yelling {Now, witness my wrath!!!}

"Ah, @#$-dammit, not again!!"

Quamp & H12 sat in the computer room, typing when the phone 

rang. H12 answered & said "Hello, guild member Humber12 speaking."

"Humber, it's Jubilee, we've got an emergency!"

"What, Larry Hama's writing Gen X again?"

"No, it's Emplate, he's huge!! He's destroyed half of 

Manhattan!"

"Wait a sec Jubilee, I just got a note. Huh? It says end of 

first half."

"Huh?"

   [1]: mailto:kairi_64@hotmail.com



	5. Emplate Goes On A Rampage Pt 22

**EMPLATE GOES ON A RAMPAGE**  
(Or How The Future Of Sean & Emma's Daughter Is Somewhat Secured)  
**PART 2  
Written by [Kairi "Shadow Sage" Taylor][1] **
    
     
    
    "Sorry about that. The author just explained that the story is so 
    
    big that we had to cut the length of this scene in the first half just 
    
    so it was able to mail it. It was just so big!" Quamp said.
    
    "Whoa, that totally sucks dude!" Jubilee said. "So, like, can Tigrr 
    
    edit it or something?"
    
    "Kairi doesn't know." Quamp said. "But he does apologize for the 
    
    inconvience. Now where were we..."
    
     
    
    "Whoa, Emplate's attacking the city?" H12 said. "The team's on the 
    
    west coast, too! What do you want us to do?"
    
    "You'll have to use the war room!!" Jubilee said. "Hurry, cause we 
    
    can't do nothin' right now!!" As H12 hung the phone up, Quamp said "Wow, 
    
    I thought we were gonna use the war room only if Hama ever took over 
    
    Marvel!"
    
    "It's our only choice. Got your card key?" H12 asked. Both of them 
    
    pulled out their respective card keys as they opened up a secret 
    
    console. Putting in their keys at the same time, a wall slid open to 
    
    reveal a room full of weapons a large computer. "I think the stinger 
    
    missles won't work." H12 said. "How about the mini-dimensional cannon?"
    
    "It might take out half the country." Quamp said. As they pondered 
    
    what to do next, Anita & Mihoshi came in. "Hey, what's with the war 
    
    room?" Anita asked. "Emplate's attacking the city & we're trying to 
    
    decide what to use."
    
    "Why don't you use the new stuff we got?" Mihoshi said. "Huh, what 
    
    new stuff?" asked Quamp. "Oh, that's right, I forgot to tell you that 
    
    Grandpa delivered some stuff yesterday." Mihoshi said as she handed 
    
    Quanmp the invoice. "Let's see." Quamp said. "2 Macross jet fighters 
    
    with stealth capabilities & modified lasers, & one replica Sol-Bianca 
    
    spaceship...are you guys thinking what I'm thinking?"
    
    "I call the spaceship!" H12 said.
    
     
    
    "We're running out of time!" Ryoga said as Emplate continued his 
    
    assault on the city. "Can't we do anything else?"
    
    "I don't think we can." Jubilee said. "Kairi's magic is not as 
    
    strong as Emplate's & none of us are strong enough to use any of the 
    
    summon spells in the book!"
    
    "Well, I don't think we've got anything to worry about. Look!" Ukyo 
    
    pointed to the sky. A pair of futuristic jet fighters landed as a giant 
    
    space ship appeared overhead. The cockpit to one of the them opened & 
    
    Anita waved her hands, shouting "Kairi, take the other one!"
    
    As Kairi walked to the jet, Jubilee asked "You know how to pilot 
    
    one of those things?" Kairi smiled & said "Yeah, just don't ask about my 
    
    landings."
    
     
    
    Kairi & Anita raced toward Emplate as Anita said over her radio "We 
    
    gotta keep them busy for the others long enough to fire the big weapon."
    
    "Gotcha, but how do we get his attention?" Kairi asked. Anita 
    
    responded by launching a rocket at Emplate, whose back was turned to 
    
    them. The rocket hit him in the butt & Emplate turned to them, his hands 
    
    glowing with intense energy. 
    
    "Well, that's one way." 
    
    A large beam of energy was narrowly dodged as Kairi said "Let's 
    
    change to the Mech forms so we stand a better chance." Both of them 
    
    pulled a switch & their jets turned into hovering Mechs, each armed with 
    
    a laser cannon. "I always wanted to do this!" Anita said.
    
    "Really?"
    
    "No, just making conversation."
    
     
    
    H12 stood at the helm as Quamp & the others looked on at the 
    
    battle. "We should be able to attack in a minute." Humber said. "But I 
    
    don't know if it'll work for sure." 
    
    "Aim for the chest." Jubilee said. "I saw some kinda weird amulet
    
    on him before." Quamp nodded & said "That would be perfect. Which weapon 
    
    should we use?"
    
    "Well, we can use the front cannon or we can..." A huge horn 
    
    suddenly came to life as Mihoshi said "Um, I think I made a mistake."
    
    "Mihoshi, please tell me you didn't press that big red button right 
    
    there." H12 said. "What's wrong?" Angelo asked.
    
    "Well, the good news is that the strongest weapon on this ship has 
    
    just been activated."
    
    "What's the bad news?" Ukyo asked.
    
    "Well, when it stops firing, we'll be without power for a minute. 
    
    More than enough time for us to drop like a rock on the city below."
    
    "What can we do now?" Ryoga asked. "Buckle up." Jubilee said. "This 
    
    ain't gonna get pretty."
    
     
    
    As Emplate shielded himself from the blasts, Anita said "Hey, the
    
    whole ship's glowing!" Kairi turned to look & saw that the whole ship was 
    
    glowing blue & that the energy was being focused at a particular point 
    
    at the top of the ship. "Quick, move!!" Kairi yelled. As the two Mechs 
    
    floated up, a huge burst of energy raced toward Emplate.
    
    Emplate said.
    
    The beam hit him square in the chest, destroying the magical amulet 
    
    he had. He fell dowm hard taking a few buildings with him. "Hey, the 
    
    ship's falling!" Kairi said as they flew back to their friends.
    
     
    
    Rubien watched as the spaceship above him obilterated Emplate. 
    
    "Damn!" he spat out. "They've won again! I swear this ain't over yet! 
    
    I'm gonna---" 
    
    Then, Rubien noticed something. The ship started to descend. Fast. 
    
    Toward him.
    
    "Oh crap."
    
     
    
    "Whew, we made it." Quamp said as they stepped out of the ship. "This 
    
    is one for the books, eh?" H12 nodded & said "For once, the fanfic 
    
    writers save the day! That's cool." As the group looked all about them, 
    
    Jubilee said "So much for a first date, huh Ryoga?"
    
    "Yeah, hate to see what the second one's like." Ryoga replied. As 
    
    Jubilee smiled, Kairi & Anita ran over, accompanied by Stan Lee. "Hey, 
    
    you guys alright?" Anita asked. 
    
    "Yeah, chica,. we're cool." Angelo replied. "But what're you doing 
    
    here, Mr. Lee?" Stan smiled & said "I wanted to thank you guys for 
    
    saving the city. You did a great job. Even though 75% of Manhattan is 
    
    totalled now."
    
    "How's the mayor taking it?"
    
    "LOOK WHAT YOU DONE!!!" The mayor screamed as he ran up to them. 
    
    "What were you thinking? Do you realize how long it's gonna take to 
    
    rebuild the damage!?!?!"
    
    "Would you rather we let that big jackass level the town?" Ukyo 
    
    replied. Then, as the mayor begn to have fits, Kiyone came up to them. 
    
    "Whoa, nice work." she said.
    
    "Kiyone? Where have you been?" asked Mihoshi. "Undercover for 
    
    awhile. Look, the Galactic Patrol just picked up Emplate. They talked 
    
    with the FBI & they wanted to give everyone these." Kiyone handed 
    
    everyone envelopes & said "Those are checks for--"
    
    "$100,000!!" H12, Quamp & Kairi yelled."Yes, no more credit card 
    
    bills!" 
    
    "Oh, by the way," Stan said "I meant to tell you that when your 
    
    ship fell, you landed on Rubien Diaz, killing him."
    
    "Uh, opps?" Kairi said, trying his best not to laugh.
    
     
    
    "Well, it was quite an intresting date." Kairi said as Monet & 
    
    Nabiki helped unpack his bags in the Tendo dojo. "But I think I'll relax 
    
    now,since my classes don't start for another 2 weeks.
    
    "It's good you're having fun now." Nabiki said. "But did you have to 
    
    bring so many soveniers first before you came? Nabiki looked at the 
    
    various items which included a complete box set of Record Of Lodoss War, 
    
    a DreamCast (Author's Note: Can someone lend me 279 bucks? I really want 
    
    that import DreamCast!!!!) & a giant pikachu doll. "Actually, some of 
    
    these are gifts for you, since I suggested that he bring over some 
    
    gifts." Monet said. "In that case, I call the Pikachu doll." Nabiki 
    
    said. 
    
    At that moment, Soun Tendo walked in carrying a small box & a 
    
    letter. "Kairi, I believe these are for you." he said. Kairi took the 
    
    small box & opened it. "Hey, it's from Uyko." Kairi said. Monet looked 
    
    at the small little onkonomiyaki that had a smiley face on it & said 
    
    "Well, it would appear that she had a good time on the date." Kairi took 
    
    the letter & said "This letter is from Yuffie." Heopened it & all of a 
    
    sudden, his eyes went wide. "Oh, where's Jubilee?" asked Nabiki.
    
    "I think she & Ryoga are with the others at the park." Soun said. 
    
    "But what's wrong with him?"
    
    "Um, is there a nice, soft spot for me to faint on?" Kairi said, 
    
    glowing red. "Uh, yes." Nabiki said.
    
    "Ok. Thanks." Kairi then proceeded to faint on the floor. Nabiki 
    
    took the letter from inside & peered in. "Whoa." Nabiki said.
    
    "What's wrong?" Monet said. Nabiki showed her saying "Now I know why 
    
    she borrowed my camera."

Originally, I had thanked a whole mess load of people at the end of this one. Of course, if you wanna see the original copy at kindredspirits.cjb.net, go right ahead. I was actually taking my time writing this one, trying out several strange scenarios before writing the final project. The whole merged world thing was actually an idea that I toyed around with when I was a younger writer. I never thought I would use that concept again,but it was something that I rather enjoyed. Also, when Multi Facets (aka Humber12/Blackwolf) reviewed the beta copy, she coined the term "Divine Author Intervention". Maybe we should see more of that, eh?

   [1]: mailto:kairi_64@hotmail.com



	6. Hama It Up: Rubien's Revenge

**HAMA IT UP: RUBIEN'S REVENGE**
    
    (Or, Unlike the Commission, We Do Research On Our Characters)
    
    **written by**
    
    **[Kairi 'Shadow Sage' Taylor][1] and [Humber12/Blackwolf][2]**
    
    0xxxx)j

Author's Note: This was my first collaboration fic with Multi Facets (& hopefully not the last!) We had a ton of fun working together. After I finished up, I had left to go to Fort Benning, so she took care of the rest. I've added a line or two from the original. Also, Aeris makes a rather 'unusual' appearance….

I thank Kairi for agreeing t' work with me on this 'fic for his "No Need For Hama" series. I really enjoyed it, Shadow Sage. C ya!

  
Rubien Diaz lurked in the NetherRealm of fanfiction limbo, cursing the many writers who had driven him to this. The 'fic writers had ruined his beautiful plan to have Emplate destroy the merged worlds, and crushed him under a stupid ship. There had to be some way to avenge this, there had to be! All he needed was someone capable of pulling him out of Limbo and acting as a vessel for his spirit. Someone cunning and hated by many comicdom fans.... 

Of course! Diaz smacked his forehead in disgust, wondering why he hadn't thought if that particular person before. He was perfect! 

With a wicked grin, Diaz honed his thoughts and zeroed in on Larry Hama. 

Currently, the writer was diddling around on his computer, conjuring up yet another just-begging-to-be-MiSTed story. But that all ended when the keyboard started typing itself. 

Larry Hama, this is Rubien Diaz. I must have your assistance.

"Diaz? No way? He croaked when that ship crash-landed on him," Hama argued, thinking, _This is too whacked! I'm talking to my computer._

This IS Diaz, scrolled across the screen. I want revenge on those blasted fanfic writers, especially Kairi Taylor, who brought on my demise.

"Kairi, huh? The guy who turns into a fox when he gets a cold bath?" Hama inquired. "Well, who wouldn't want revenge on him? I mean, he's only killed you, taunted me, wasted all our good work.... Come to think of it, I'd really like a fox pelt to give to one of my relatives. Okay, I'll help: What do I need to do?" 

Just close your eyes.

Hama obeyed, and Diaz let his incorpereal form slide into him. 

There was a BANG and a BOOM, and when the smoke cleared, a new entity stood in the office. "We are now Diaz-Hama," he/they announced in a booming voice. "Beware! We're after you, fanfiction stars." 

Another explosion occurred and the combined entity vanished. 

***_*_*_*_*_*_***

Washu looked up from feeding little Hideo when red lights started zipping around her equipment. Quickly she checked her readouts and blanched. "Uh oh," she groaned, and picked up the phone to alert the Fanfiction Writers' Guild. 

The phone rang a few times before someone picked up. "Heya, 'Fic Guild member here," a cheerful Western drawl greeted. 

"Oh, good. It's you, Humber," Washu said. "You must evacuate the Guild headquarters and come to my lab right now! It's important." 

"When is that ever not so," Humber12/Blackwolf (or H12/B if ya wanna keep it short) grumbled. 

"What's not ever so?" Kairi asked, striding into the room. 

"Hiya, SS. It's Washu. Here, maybe you should talk t' her," H12/B told him, tossing him the phone. 

Kairi caught before it could bonk him on the nose and settled it against his ear. "Washu? What's wrong?" He paused, listening. "Uh-huh. WHAT?! That's terrible. Yes, I'll get them evacuated right now. We'll meet you there," he finished, and threw the phone back to H12/B. She caught it and hung up just as Kairi hit the Guild's address system. "Everyone evacuate now! Diaz has merged with Hama, and he's after the people who starred in my last story!" 

There was no answer. "Guys?" Kairi called. "Hey, do you hear me?" 

A gravelly voice echoed back. "It's too late, Taylor," the voice cackled. We have them all! Well, almost all, but we'll get them!" 

"Yea right," someone growled from the door. Kairi looked up in time to see Jubilee and Ryoko come barreling through the door and barricading it behind them. 

A relieved Kairi turned away from the intercom. "Am I glad to see you two," he stated. 

"Yeah, same here." Ryoko added. "You wouldn't happen to have that bottle of sake you've been hoarding, would ya? I'm tired." 

"Um, excuse me, but we do have an insane merge-man on the loose in the HQ," Jubilee interjected. "How're we gonna get outta here?" 

The small group went deep in thought. Suddenly, Ryoko grinned devilishly. "Anybody got any copies of pre-Hama Generation X comics?" 

"I do!" H12/B said immediately, yanking some from her backpack. "I think I know what you're up to, but if you damage 'em I get a refund," she warned, handing them over. 

Ryoko nodded in agreement. "I'll catch up to you soon," she promised, and teleported to the lobby, where Diaz-Hama lay in wait. While she distracted and horrified them with GOOD writing, the other three snuck out the back and ran all the way to Washu's lab. 

Back at Washu's lab, Kairi picked up Hideo as Jubilee said, "Ok, to review, half of us half gone missing, Rubien has merged with Hama to make some lame- ass villain, & we're forced to hiding out here! It's official, this reeks!" 

"I'll say," Ryoko concurred as she teleported into the lab. "How the heck did this happen?" 

As Ryoko handed H12/B her comics back, Washu explained, "Well, it's kinda tricky to explain, but I think what I can tell you can help us." 

"We're all ears," Jubilee stated. 

"Well, when our old friend Rubien was crushed by the falling ship, his soul was sent into writer limbo, the place where particularly malevolent literary entities end up. But unfortunately, Rubien found the ever-present loophole." 

"Hama," H12/B snarled. "Why him, though?" 

"He's a particularly dark soul himself." Kairi said with a snort. "Besides, a writer so hated as him would be perfect for Rubien to take over. Well, that & the fact that you just can't stay dead in Marvel these days." 

"Is there even a concept of dying?" Ryoko questioned. 

"We're lucky my spectral energy machine caught on early." Washu said. "But I think his real target is Kairi." 

"Eh, why me?" Kairi asked uncomfortably. 

"I guess he, or they, have a score to settle," Jubilee replied. "I mean, you've humiliated, blown up & damn near killed them." 

"Plus the whole insanity bit," Ryoko added. 

"We're gonna need some help to take care of this," H12/B said authoritatively. "I've got someone in mind." 

"Is there anybody else?" Kairi inquired. 

"Well, Artie's somewhere around here," Washu said. "I think he'll be helpful." 

"I'll go get Mousse," Jubilee volunteered. "He doesn't know what's happened with Mihoshi yet." 

At that moment, the lab door opened & Cloud, trying to catch his breath, dashed in. "Kairi, what's the problem?" he puffed. 

"Well, it's about Yuffie," Jubilee began. 

"Hama's holding her & our other friends hostage," Kairi explained. "We need your help." 

"Huh, Yuffie? I thought saving her would be your job since she's your fiancee," Cloud returned. 

"She is not my-- wait a sec, FIANCEE?!" Kairi yelled in shock. 

"Well, we're kinda low on numbers," Jubilee butted in. "We need all the help ya can give." 

"It'll be fun!" Ryoko interjected. 

"Hold on a minute, what's this about me & Yuffie being engaged?" Kairi blurted. "I'm not even going out-" 

"I guess I can help here," Cloud said. 

"Who told you this about Yuffie and Kairi?" Washu queried of Cloud. 

"Um, I think it was Angelo. He also said Ryoga & Ukyo were going out too, among other stuff," Cloud answered. 

"If Hama & Diaz don't get him, I will!!" Kairi grumbled, taking out a laser pistol. 

"So, when's the wedding date?" H12/B asked her fellow ficcer teasingly. 

"Don't you start." 

------------------------- 

Mousse stood ready, his back to the wall. The five little android pigs (Kairi's note: remember, only Hama could come up with this stupid kinda android, so don't blame me. I'm only guessing how this man would go about it.) He sighed, grumbling, "Would it kill Hama to come up with something ORIGINAL for me to fight?" As two of the pigs closed in, one of them said, "Mas-ter Ham-a-Diaz wish-es you to come quiet-ly now or you will be buzz-ed." 

"Hama-Diaz? Crap, not this M-Plate thing again," Mousse groaned. "Take this-- FIST OF THE WHITE SWAN!!" 

Faster than the androids could process, Mousse whipped out a razor sharp claw-like weapon & lopped off the heads of the attacking pigs. The last three whipped out ray gun-like weapons & as they closed in, Mousse prepared to strike again. 

CLANG!! WHACK!! CLANG!! 

As Mousse looked on in shock, a girl with green hair wearing a white shirt & jeans, wielding a short sword, landed in front him. The pigs dropped into several pieces as he said, "Um.... wow, thanks. I guess." 

"Don't mention it. Hey, can we go find Washu? I really got to talk to her." 

"Yeah, sure. Say, are you from Jurai?" 

"Huh? Yeah, sure. How'd you know?" 

"The markings on your face. Plus the Jurai University patch on your shirt," Mousse replied. 

"Oh yeah, that too." 

------------------------ 

"Hail, hail, the gang's all here," H12/B said as the small group assembled. 

"Yer not gonna break into song, are you?" Jubilee asked. 

H12/B snorted, offended. "I'm a great singer," she muttered. 

Washu ignored them and sized up the force: Mousse, the green-haired girl, H12/B's pal May from the anime movie "Sol Bianca", Artie, Cloud, Ryoko, Jubilee, and, of course, Kairi. All were armed and ready to go. "I think it's safe to send you into the field," Washu commented. "Step into the transporter and I'll send you off," she ordered. 

As the temporary team filed into the transporter, Washu caught H12/B's wrist. "For this mission, don't be afraid to unleash your other sides, if need be," she advised. 

H12/B looked uncertain. "But I've only used one of them twice and the others not at all," she protested. 

"Try anyway," Washu insisted. 

"Hey Twelve, what's keeping you?" Kairi called. "We need to get going!" 

Washu let H12/B go and the girl hurriedly stepped in with the rest of them. Washu activated the transport and the team vanished into the waiting Sol Bianca. 

Hama-Diaz stood at the console within their newly-created flying airship HQ, looking out among the rather unique android lineup. Due to Hama's insistence that he design the androids, Diaz looked among the various cyber-killers & let out a sigh: in addition to the android pigs with lasers, Hama came up with robot-dwaves armed with flaming axes, wolves with anti-personnel grenades & giant faeries that held laser rifles. "Hama," Diaz sighed, "next time, before you design deadly weapons, please don't use your old fairy tale book for references!" 

"Oh c'mon," Hama smiled. "It's gonna work out. They'll either be horribly massacred or psychologically scarred from the experience. It'll drive 'em nuts." 

"If you ask me, Kairi already has done that," Diaz muttered. "I just hope the prisoners are secure." 

"Heh, the cube will hold them for certain," Hama boasted proudly. "I just wanna get me some of Kairi." 

"We both do," Diaz assured him. "He'll be here if he wants to see his friends & his precious little fiancee again." 

"Who, Yuffie?" 

"No, Ukyo!" 

"No way, man. I hear it's Yuffie!" 

"Yeah, sure...." 

------------------------ 

On the Sol-Bianca, Kairi paced nervously across the bridge while May explained the situation at hand. "As you can see here from the spy photos," she stated, "the airship is hovering 2,000 feet over New York. There seems to be a set of robots flying close to the ship." 

"Is it my imagination," Mousse mused, "or are those robotic fairies doing the flying thing?" 

"C'mon," Ryoko scoffed. "No one's that much of a fruitcake to build some-thing like that." 

"Uh, excuse me, but are we talking about the same Hama here?" H12/B questioned pointedly. 

"Actually, they are robo-faires," May replied. 

The whole group gave a unanimous groan at this little detail as Kairi said, "Well, it's gonna be tricky to get in. Any ideas?" 

"I have an plan that could work out," Jubilee suggested. "Ok, we form 2 teams. Team A will consist of myself, Ryoko, the new girl, Artie & Cloud. Team B will consist of Kai--" 

"No," Kairi firmly denied. "Not that plan. I don't think so." 

"Well then, you got any other ideas?" Jubilee snapped. 

"Actually, I gotta know something," Cloud remarked. "Who's this girl who saved Mousse?" 

"Well, it's a bit of a long story," the girl said. "My name is Miyuki. I'm kinda from the future." 

"Kinda?" May blurted, confused. That didn't make sense. Either Miyuki was from the future or not. 

"Yeah, but I can't really tell you anything right now. All I can tell you is Washu had arranged for me to come here," Miyuki said. 

"Washu, huh? No surprise there. Well, so much for that," H12/B shrugged. "Man, we gotta find something or someone t' even things out." 

Jubilee rapped her fingers on her chair & questioned, "Yeah, a real ace, but what? All our big weapons are in the Guild & the Guild's taken over by android pi---what the hell am I saying? Let's go in there first & get our stuff!!" 

"There is one other person who can help us out," Kairi said. "I think she can tell us how to separate Diaz and Hama." 

"Who?" Jubilee asked 

"Aeris." 

"What is this a joke?" Cloud scoffed. "She's dead, I'm fairly certain of it." 

"No, dude, she is here," Kairi repeated, very assured. 

"Really? What, she's a ghost or something?" Jubilee quipped. 

"No, I'm right here, silly." The voice that emanated from Kairi was distinctly feminine & polite. The group watched in surprise as Kairi transformed into Aeris, with a huge smile on her face. 

"Great, so Kairi's possessed," H12/B sighed. "This is kinda routine," she added, aimlessly toying with the small, reddish-black vial around her neck. 

"How long has you been in Kairi?" asked Miyuki. 

Artie had a word balloon over his head pop up with a calendar that said March on it. 

"Artie? You KNEW?" Ryoko asked, shocked. 

"Well, he can keep a good secret," Aeris clarified. "I've been teaching Kairi & Artie magic for a while." 

Cloud, walking closer to her, whispered "Aeris...." 

"Cloud, it's been a while," she quietly said. 

Cloud gave her a hug & said, "I've missed you so much." 

"Where're the popcorn and drinks when ya need 'em?" Jubilee snickered. 

Then, Cloud heard May gulp & say "Uh oh." Cloud looked down & saw Aeris had changed & he was holding Kairi's body. Kairi had that look on his face, the look Akane would give Ranma before she would hurt him. Violently. 

"Cloud...." 

"Um, I can explai-" 

"HENTAI!!! LECHER!!! JUST WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING?!?!?" Kairi yelled out as he began to stomp on Cloud with metal-cleated shoes. 

BOOM!!! CRACK!!!!

"WHO ARE YOU CALLING A PERVERT, SUKEBEI?!?!!?!" Cloud yelled back, whacking Kairi in the skull with a boulder.

"I guess we have our ace," Miyuki groaned. 

"Some ace," May giggled. 

Miyuki and Mousse broke up Kairi and Cloud, tossing them into separate corners. "This isn't exactly the time for a fight, y'know," Miyuki said matter-of-factly. "We need to infiltrate Hama-Diaz's ship and get our friends out." 

Kairi fumed, but obeyed. "I'll get you later, Cloud," he promised. "Hey May, got any more battlesuits we could borrow?" 

May shook her head. "You'll just have to make do," she said. "Sorry." 

"No problem," H12/B commented cheerily. "We got weapons masters, a coupla capable mutants-" Artie and Jubilee took a bow, "-a space pirate, a Galaxy Policewoman, a victim of possession, and me. We'll be fine." 

"Sarcasm duly noted," May piped. 

"Not sarcasm, bald truth," H12/B retorted. "As for that plan, Jubes: I agree with it. I say Kairi/Aeris, Mousse, Miyuki, Jubilee and May team up and go after Diaz-Hama, while I take Artie and Ryoko and get into the Guild so we can find our heavy artillery." 

"I'm not sure it'll work," May interjected. "The variables of defeat-" 

"Just get us in there while I slip into a more battle-worthy form," H12/B ordered. 

"Now this I gotta see," Mousse said as May activated the ship's "jumping technology". 

H12/B uncorked her vial and lifted it to her lips. "Blended blood, lupine power, I take you into me as I have done before," she intoned, and drank from the vial. With a silent explosion of black lights, she transformed into a slim, tall young lady with black hair, brown eyes, a whip on her hip and a blackened burn scar in the shape of a wolf's head over her right eye. "Humber12 has left the building," she declared. "Make way for Blackwolf." 

"I feel so much better now," Kairi snorted as the Sol Bianca rematerialized in the depths of Hama-Diaz's ship. 

Quietly, as everybody slipped off the Sol Bianca, Jubilee handed Blackwolf a card-key. "If we're lucky," Jubilee explained, "those goofballs haven't found a way to break the lock to the room, so watch yerselves." 

"No problem." Blackwolf smiled ferally. "Leave all the dirty little tasks up to us." 

"Just make sure the guild is in one piece when you return," Kairi instructed. 

Ryoko snorted. "No promises, Shadow Sage." 

As Blackwolf, Artie & Ryoko teleported out, May checked out her wristband detector. "I'm getting some bio-signals coming from that hallway," she reported. "That's probably where the cells are." 

"Or someone else," Mousse piped up. "It's a good place to start though." 

"Hmm? You guys hear something?" Miyuki asked. A low humming started to emit from the long hallway ahead of them. Floating in & materializing from out of nowhere, 3 Robotic faeries appeared. "Hello, & welcome to Master Hama's merry land of fantasy," the Faeries chirped, "where all of his fantasies & wishes come to life!" 

Everybody looked as if they were about to retch as Jubilee spat out, "Oh, fer God's sake not this again. As if the damn Pooka wasn't enough for me to live through." 

"Let me take a crack at this," May volunteered. "Excuse me, I have a special wish for you cute little faeries." 

"Really?" the faeries cooed. "What?" 

"DIE, YOU SUGAR-COATED FREAKS OF NATURE!!!" May pulled out a large blaster & let loose with several blasts. When she stopped firing, the 3 robots lay smoking on the ground. 

"Nice touch," Mousse whistled. 

"Thank you," May said proudly, shouldering her blaster. 

"Good thing she stopped them, too," Kairi added. "I was gonna hurl if I had to listen to that saccharine sweet stuff again." 

"Oh, great, someone beat us to them," Blackwolf growled in disgust as the small group teleported into the guild. All over the guild, parts of the android pigs were laid all over the hallways. "I wanted to be the one to bust those pigs," she griped. 

"I guess we have an ally here," Ryoko commented as they slowly stalked through the hallway. "You guys do realize this is really too easy, right?" Artie nodded in agreement. 

"Hush up," Blackwolf growled. "I hear someone coming around the corner." 

Ryoko, Artie & Blackwolf stood at attention, ready to strike with whip and magic. Suddenly, an android pig crashed into the nearby wall & shattered into pieces. Carefully peering out from the corner was Echo77, holding a rifle. "Oh, you made it," he said in relief. 

"Echo?" Ryoko asked in surprise. "How did you get here?" 

"I've been dodging these guys ever since I left my house," Echo77 responded. "What's going on?" 

"Would you believe Hama and Diaz have teamed up?" Ryoko inquired. 

Echo mulled that over. "Well, yea. Who else would have thought up android pigs?" he replied. 

"That's not all he thought up," Blackwolf stated, and filled Echo in as the small group slunk to the War Room. "So now we need to break out the big guns and- Do you smell something funny?" Blackwolf asked, interrupting herself. "Something like metallic bacon?" 

Ryoko peeked around a corner. "Three little android pigs," she reported. "They got tents built of straw, sticks and bricks." She squinted, watching the machines. "They've all gone into the straw tent to play poker, or something." 

"How lame," Echo77 snorted. 

"But it does give me a great idea," Blackwolf laughed, and passed the card keys to Artie. "Watch this." 

She sauntered up to the straw tent and rapped on the wall. "Who's there?" a techno-squeaky voice called. 

"Wouldja believe the big bad wolf?" Blackwolf said, her voice deeper and huskier -and a heckuva lot meaner- then usual. 

The pigs went ballistic. "WOLF!" they screamed. "IT'S GONNA BLOW THE TENT DOWN!" 

"I'd rather blow it _up_," Blackwolf muttered, but remembered her role and let loose an ear-splitting howl. The pigs squealed in terror, sounding like sissies of dinosaurs. "Welcome to Jurassic Pork," she laughed, and hissed to the others, "Quick, get the stuff while they're distracted!" 

Echo77, Ryoko and Artie raced over to the War Room's door. Artie hastily inserted the keys into their respective slots and once the door opened the small team dashed in to collect their best weapons. 

Blackwolf was starting to get bored just as the others came out with Macross jet-fighters, buckets of Jusenkyo spring water, a few bazookas and Pre-Hama issues of Generation X. "We've got the weapons! Let's go!" Ryoko yelled. 

"Gimme a minute," Blackwolf said, pilfering a bazooka and aiming at the tent. "Hey pigs! Are you still afraid of the big bad wolf?" 

"You better believe it!" a pig squeaked. 

"Good." 

With that, Blackwolf blew up the tent. The pigs flew sky-high, only to be shot down by Echo77 and Artie. "All right! Mushu pork!" Ryoko laughed. 

"No time for jokes, police," Blackwolf retorted. "We've got to get back to Kairi and Co." 

Ryoko sobered. "Good point," she said, and concentrated, transporting them back into the depths of Hama-Diaz's ship. 

Meanwhile, Aeris/Kairi, Cloud, Miyuki, Jubilee and May had located the bridge of Hama-Diaz's ship. "My readings indicate," May stated, "that Hama/Diaz is right in the bridge over here. The others are being held in some sort of containment unit right down the hall." 

Jubilee sighed, thinking aloud, "Well, I guess that means that someone's gotta distract those idiots while the rest of us frees the others." 

Cloud raised his sword in agreement. "Leave it to me & Kairi." 

"Yeah, I guess I can help." Kairi answered, somewhat dobutful. "But I wish I brought my staff with me, I could've cast a couple of useful spells---" At that point Aeris' voice popped in & said "Hey don't tell me you've forgotten what I taught you already!! My, we are quite forgetful aren't we?" 

"I didn't forget!" Kairi protested. "It's just that.... well.…" 

Myuki scratched her head & replied "Eh, don't worry about it. I'm sure that it'll probably be taken care of later." 

Kairi shook his head "No, I really wanted to point out that we're being watched very closely right now. "Pointing over his head, a hi-security camera was revealed. "If we rush in there, more than likely, they'll have 2 dozen guards waiting for us." 

"I see." Jubilee said. "All righty, does anybody got a back up plan?" 

Miyuki removed a small red sphere from her pocket & tossed it to Cloud. "Here, use this summon Materia," she suggested. "That should keep them on their toes." 

Kairi smiled & Cloud responded. "Cool. Just be careful trying to free the others." 

As a dozen cyborg dwarves rounded the corner, Jubilee smiled wickedly & said. "I'm really gonna enjoy this!" 

"This is truly irratating!" Monet stated as she looked all around her as Akane, Angelo, Yuffie, Ukyo & Mihoshi, who was absent-mindedly touching the panels on the wall, took in their surroundings. They were in a large cube, which resembeled a Rubik's design, with multi-colored squares. "Out of all the things to possibly insult our intelligence with, why this little contraption?" 

Angelo merely nodded in agreement as Akane replied, "Well, even merged together, these two don't exactly have half a brain to begin with." 

Mihoshi scratched her head & asked "Well, if it's so simple, why don't we just escape, then?" 

Monet smiled, seemingly amused by Mihoshi's little observation, & replied "Even you, Mihosi, have to realize that it takes time for a greater mind such as myself---" 

*COUGHegoCOUGH* 

Monet glared at Yuffie, who started to whistle innocently, as Ukyo strained her ears & said "Hey, you guys hear that?" 

Quite suddenly, a dwarf with an ax in its chest crashed into the room, bursting into a blaze. A few seconds later, Jubilee, May & Miyuki walked in. "Well, so much for that little diversion," May said as Miyuki examined the controls. 

Akane cried, "It's good to see you made it. What happened to everyone else?" 

"As far as I know," Jubilee started "Ev, Jono, Paige & Sean are on a mission in Canada. Ranma's taking care of Frosty. Tenchi & Ryoga are in the city, & Ryoko went with Humber12, or Blackwolf at the moment, to get some weapons. Now, please explain what the hell this thing is." 

"Well, I suppose I could break the controls on this panel," Miyuki mused. "But it seems there's a backup generator for this, so that's out of the question." 

Monet smiled & replied, "No undue worries. As I explained, it'll only take a little while for me to---" 

Quite suddenly, the cube disappeared as Jubilee wisecracked, "So, wanna explain this away?" 

Everybody except Yuffie looked stumped as Ukyo remarked, "Ok, so how did THAT happen." 

"Ask her," Yuffie answered, pointing to Mihoshi. 

"Um, I was just pressing the panels & well, I solved it. Or something," Mihoshi said meekly. 

(At that point, everyone excluding Yuffie did an Anime face-fault.) 

"Wait a sec," Angelo asked, quite nervous. "Is Kairi with you?" 

Miyuki, avoiding his gaze, said, "Yeah, & he's quite angry at you." 

"How angry?" 

The steel door, still in its frame, smacked down hard on Angelo as Kairi yelled "DOES THIS ANSWER YER QUESTION ASSHOLE!!!!" 

"Wow, that's definitely angry," Akane commented as Angelo was grabbed by the collar. "You wanna explain why you told everyone me & Yuffie are engaged?" Kairi growled. 

Yuffie promptly hugged him from behind as she said "Wow, I didn't know you cared!" 

"C'mon, keep cool." Ukyo said. "No real harm was done. It's just another of Angelo's harmless jokes." 

"He also said you & Ryoga were going out." 

BOOOMMMMM!!!! 

The Larger-Than-Usual-Akane-Brand mallet cracked on Angelo's skull as Jubilee & Monet nodded, saying "Had it coming." 

------------------ 

The large crowd applauded as the Mayor stood at the podium, ready to give his speech. "Wow, it's amazing how fast they built this place again." Tenchi observed. "You'd never suspect Emplate destroyed it." 

Ryoga nodded in agreement & said "Well, at least the Mayor's happy that City Hall's restored." 

As the Mayor was about to speak, a large fireball screamed outta the sky & slammed into the building, wrecking it. 

"Knew it wouldn't last." Tenchi groaned. 

The crowd turned to see a large, four legged vehicle walking into the city, & a large gattiling gun came from the side, shooitng & destroying cars & buildings (It's the level 3 boss from Metal Slug 2/X) "Oh, for God's sake, what is it NOW?!" the mayor yelled in absolute anger as the crowd ran for their lives. 

Tenchi & Ryoga snuck into a small cafe as S.W.A.T. cars stormed the area. "Um, isn't this the part where some super hero is supposed to come in & save the day, or something to that effect?" Tenchi questioned. 

"Well, I think we're supposed to handle this." Ryoga remarked. "I mean, we're kinda a couple of the main characters. Maybe you can use your Tenchi-Ken Sword." 

A flamethrower came from the bottom of the giant mechanism & spread flames around as Tenchi noted, "That might be a little difficult. 

As the giant destroyer walked by, a car drove up to the cafe. Tigrr leapt out from the driver's side into the cafe, bringing in a large duffel bag. "Finally, I found you guys!" she gasped. "But I guess I'm too late." 

"What the hell's going on?" Tenchi asked. 

"Well, it's got a lot to do with Diaz & Hama." Tigrr began. "He, or they, are running amok. That giant thing just totaled New Brunswick & Salem." 

"Wait, Diaz?" Ryoga asked in shock. "Ain't he dead?" 

"He works for Marvel, remember?" 

"Oh, right." 

"Anyway, I managed to get away before their goons could capture me, but that giant thing followed me here. We're the only available ones to stop it," Tigrr finished. 

"I suppose little Washu prepared you for this battle," Tenchi remarked. 

Tigrr held up the bag & replied, "Give 'em a cigar." 

--------------------- 

Mousse quickly typed at the keyboard, frantically trying to override the system as Monet entered the engine room. "How's the progress going, friend Mousse?" she asked as she sat next to him. 

Frowning, Mousse replied, "Well, I managed to override two of the security locks, but the password system is really getting to me." 

Monet looked at the screen & whistled. "Well, no wonder, the programming code for this system is so out of date," she observed. Taking control of the keyboard, Monet started typing a series of commands & a moments later, the main control screen popped up to them. "I'll check on the security & see how the others are doing." 

As Monet clicked on the security options, the cameras revealed Ryoko & Blackwolf tearing apart cyberwolves in one area with bazookas while in another corridor, Artie & Echo blew up faeries in another section. 

"I guess we're faring pretty well on our own, so far." Mousse observed. "But, why does Artie have four legs?" 

"Um, Mousse," Monet started, "you're staring at the wrong camera. Please put your glasses back on." As Monet looked upon what Mousse had watched, she saw that it was what was currently happening in the city. "This is not good." she remarked as she brought up a menu. "Mousse, we have to take control of this ship very quickly, because if I'm right, that walking robot is going to have company very soon." 

Mousse watched as another screen was brought up & noticed that another giant robot of the same kind coming. "I suppose you have a plan?" he asked. 

"But of course." 

As May walked in, she asked, "Ok, care to explain why you asked Echo to fill both the Macross fighters & this ship with a few canisters of super Nitro Glycerin?" 

Ranma sighed as he sat down in the chair next to Emma Frost's room in the Tendo household. The family didn't mind her staying at the dojo, but it was one thing to wait on her all day while at the same time, trying to find out what happened to Akane. As he was thinking on this, Cologne hopped up on her walking stick. "Ah, former Son-in-Law," she said "I've been meaning to speak with you. Have you seen Mousse anywhere?" 

"Mousse? Nah, I thought he'd be out with Mihoshi today," Ranma replied. "But come to think of it, I thought she & Monet would be out today too." 

"I had sent him out on an errand earlier, but he has yet to return to the Nekohaten. Something must be amiss. Unfortunately, Shampoo is off training, so we must call upon your father for assistance." "Ranma, please come in here, it's very important!" Emma shouted. Ranma quickly opened the door, followed close behind by Cologne. Emma turned her cellphone off & stated. "Ranma, there are two things that must be addressed. First, I just received a call from Washu. She has informed me that both Akane & Mousse are fine & that they're helping to stop Hama & Diaz." 

"Diaz?" Ranma asked, confused. "But didn't he die a--" 

Cologne cleared her throat & said, "Apparently it would seem that he used Hama's body to come back to this world. That's the only way he can be here. Now, what was the other thing you wanted to tell us?" 

Emma replied, "My water just broke. I'm going into labor." 

Ranma chose that point in time to faint on the floor as Cologne said, "C'mon Ranma, get up. You'll need all your strength for the hospital." 

"Gee, could ya have eased up on the swing there?" Angelo said as he walked into Hama-Diaz's bridge, closely followed by Ukyo, Jubilee & Yuffie as Miyuki, Kairi & Mihoshi guarded the rear. 

"Try anything like that again," Ukyo started, "& I'll knock you so hard, they'll need a keg of dynamite to unearth you." 

Jubilee saw the mass destruction that Cloud had caused while they were gone & whistled. "Nice touch." she said admiringly. "Well, I just wish those idiots weren't cowering under the seats while that dragon destroyed everything." 

"We were not hiding!!" Hama-Diaz yelled as they burst forth from the seat. "We're merely planning our strategy. We've suffered your abuse for far too long now. Our work would have continued flawlessly, without question, had certain parties not decided to take their revenge. Now WE will do what we should--" 

CCCCCCRACCCKKKKK!!!!! 

"Get to the point stupid!!!" Kairi, Jubilee & Akane yelled out as the chairs hit Hama-Diaz in the skull. 

"You know, the three of you really need to take that anger management class I told you about," Mihoshi said as Yuffie laughed. 

"Ok, skip dramatic speech." Hama-Diaz sniffed. "How about a whiff of this!!" 

Hama-Diaz pulled out two rifles, but out of nowhere, Ryoko phased in behind them & quickly snatched the guns away. "Now now, you shouldn't play with guns," she growled. "You might hurt someone." 

Blackwolf came up next to her, holding several buckets of Jusenkyo water. "Time for a bath!" she shouted with malicious merriment. 

"Hey, wait maybe we can talk this over..." 

Kairi & Angelo took this time to punch Hama-Diaz in the gut as Jubilee yelled, "Douse them!!" 

Blackwolf smiled gleefully as she poured a bucket over the villains- 

Unfortunately, the water transformed them into a bear. A very big bear. As in Spirng of Drowned Angry Rabid Bear. 

"Um, oops," Blackwolf said in a surprisingly meek voice. 

"GGRRROOOAARRRRR!!!" 

As Jubilee kept the bear at bay with her paffs, Miyuki cried, "Try the next bucket!!!" 

Angelo took a bucket from Blackwolf & tossed it at the bear. The water transformed the animal into a tiger. "Oh, this is just super," Jubilee spat out. As the tiger ran towards them, Ryoko tossed Kairi's staff to him. Holding out the staff & his right arm, with middle & index finger held up, Kairi yelled "Spirit Barrier!!" & instantly the tiger was stopped by the wall. 

"Ok, third time's the charm!!" Blackwolf called as she tossed another bucket of water at Hama-Diaz. That's when everybody in the room raised an eyebrow when Hama-Diaz transformed into a huge, bloodshot Red Dragon. 

"Uh, just who was choosing these buckets from Jusenkyo?" Jubilee asked Kairi. "Mooouuusse," Blackwolf rumbled, her tone promising the nearsighted Chinese native death or at the very least mutilation. 

"I am not surprised," Jubilee sighed. 

The Hama-Diaz Dragon spat fire as everybody scrambled for cover, except for Mihoshi, who was looking at the side of one bucket. "Ok, anyone got any ideas?" Angelo said as he ducked behind the desk. 

"This is one of those days where I wish I had brought that damn Knights Of The Round Materia, that is if a certain SOMEONE didn't have to hog all the good material," Yuffie added huffily. 

"Hey, we all got some good stuff," Cloud retorted. 

"YA STUCK ME WITH CHOCO/MOG, A MATERIA WITH NO FRIGGIN' USE WHATSOEVER!!!" 

"Choco/Mog? Ha! And everyone calls Tendo Nabiki stingy," Blackwolf laughed. "Well, does anyone have an idea?" 

"Well, maybe that desperation attack of mine can work." Kairi suggested, "As long as Jubilee can hit Hama-Diaz with the biggest paff she got." 

"You have a desperation attack?" Miyuki asked. 

Kairi nodded, jumped out from his postion & landed in front of the dragon. Unsheathing the hidden sword from his staff, Kairi started to glow as the dragon turned to face him. Leaping up, Kairi squalled, "EAT MY FULL MOON SPECIAL!!" & swung around once, sword drawn out. A circle of blue aura energy formed around him & Kairi launched it at the Dragon, while at the same time, Jubilee screamed "SEE YA IN HELL!" & launched a huge blood red paff at it. The explosion that ensued rocked the room while at the same time everyone shielded there eyes. When the smoke cleared, the dragon still stood, looking pissed. "Um, Kairi," Angelo remarked. "He looks really pissed." 

"I KNOW, I JUST TYPED IT!!!" 

"Way to break the fourth wall," Akane snickered. 

SPLASH!! Mihoshi doused the dragon with the last bucket of Jusenkyo water & Hama-Diaz transformed from a dragon into a deer. "Wow, I did it, I beat Hama-Diaz!!" Mihoshi smiled happily. 

"Should I even ask?" Miyuki inquired. 

"Anyone wanna go deer-hunting?" Blackwolf offered, holding up a rifle and licking her teeth with a grin. 

"Ok, how should we drive Diaz out?" Ryoko said as Cloud helped Artie & Miyuki clean up the mess in the aisles. Humber12 & Echo sat deep in thought as Jubilee said, "Well, none of us are certified exorcists, so I think we'll need Kairi's help on this." 

Kairi nodded & replied "Ok, but I really hate doing this." Kairi then transformed into Aeris as Jubilee asked. "So, can you help?" "Sure," she replied. "As long as you have a couple of copies of pre- & post- Hama Generation X." 

"Sure, here everyone take one." Yuffie said as she handed each person a copy of the comic. 

"The idea," Aeris explained, "is to drive the spirit out of the body with items from it's past which it considers harmful to it." 

"That's a good plan," Humber12 commented. "But we have no insurance that Diaz won't come back." 

"Oh, don't worry about that." Aeris assured them. "Kairi has that solution taken care of. Now, lets start." 

Akane nodded & taking out a kettle of hot water, poured it over the deer's head. The deer turned into Hama-Diaz & they shouted "NOW WE WILL--" 

"Gaze at this, ya big jerk!!" Akane held up a copy of Generation X #9 in front of them as they recoiled in horror. "No, keep that abomination away!!" they bawled. 

"Then how about a taste of.… GENERATION X #26!!!" Yuffie shouted as she held up the infamous Jubilee-cover issue. Hama-Diaz shrieked as they were held at bay, while Cloud, Miyuki & Ryoko held up copies of issues 19, 20 & 30. 

While Hama-Diaz groveled, Aeris shouted, "TAKE A GANDER AT GENERATION X ANNUAL'99!!" and whipped out said book. 

Then to finish them off, Jubilee walked up to them & said bravely, "Now.… FACE THE MIGHT OF GENERATION X #1!!!" & held the issue before her. Diaz shrieked again & left Hama's body in a hurry. Hama collapsed to the floor & panted "I'll still....have...my...revenge." 

Aeris transformed to Kairi & he said "Nope, not this time. You two ready?" 

"Yep!!" Humber12 & Echo chorused. Grabbing Hama, they proceeded to pick him up & throw him out the window. "Well, unless you count Raab, that's one less writer to worry about," Echo crowed. 

"Not so fast," Monet's voice said over the loudspeaker. "There's two giant robots attacking the city. We can get close enough to attack the first one, but we can't stop the other one, unless someone can use the Macross fighters." 

"Hey, leave that to me," Ryoko said, sounding confident. Tossing a remote to Angelo, she asked, "You remember how to work the controls, right?" 

"Hey, just like Space Invaders!" Angelo beamed. 

"Yes, but you'll have to ram them into the robot." Monet explained. 

"Excuse me, RAM?!?!" 

"Well, so much for the flamethrower." Tigrr sighed as she blasted it off. "But how much longer can we hold this off?" 

Tenchi & Ryoga shrugged as they blasted off the front legs of the approaching robot. "Hey, look what's coming." Ryoga pointed out as two Macross jets screamed by past them. The jets headed out towards a robot in the distance & hit it dead on, destroying it in an massive explosion. 

"Well, one less problem to deal with." Tigrr sighed. "But what about that thing?" 

"I believe that problem is about to be solved." Tenchi replied. The three of them noticed a massive airship coming at the robot, full speed. 

"You don't suppose...." Ryoga started, but common sense took over as all three of them ran. 

"Wow, what a day." Jubilee said as she watched Mousse & Mihoshi walk off together amidst the rubble. Oh, I suppose I should note that the team was successful in stopping the robot. Unfortunately, the ensuing explosion managed to take out a huge chunk of Wall Street. 

"Chica, what were you thinking?" Angelo asked Monet as she sat on a nearby bench, looking at the massive wreckage. 

"Well, it was a spur of the moment idea." Monet said primly. "But it worked." 

"Too bad the mayor didn't see it that way." Jubilee snorted. "I think the first thing he'll do after he gets outta the hospital is confirm that he had Kairi deported out of the city." 

Kairi, holding a communication watch, quickly ran up to the wandering superheroes with Akane. "Guys, you have to come back with us to Nerima. Emma's having the baby!!" 

"Holy crap!" Jubilee yowled in excitement. "Now? Where's Sean?" 

"He's at the hospital." Kairi answered. "Look, go on to the hospital, I gotta go find a priest!" 

"A priest? Why?" 

"Push Emma, Push--ARRGHHHH!!" Sean yowled in pain as Emma gripped his hand in a vicelike hold. Nearby, Washu, Kasumi & Tigrr watched as Emma yelled, "Why don't YOU push, you festering sack of male hormones?! You just had to try that damn whiskey, didn'you?" 

"My, my, she's taking this quite well," Washu observed. "So, are you ready to be the proud godmother, Tigrr?" 

Tigrr nodded & replied "Well, I'd thought for sure it would be Paige, but I'm cool with it." 

Kasumi walked over to Emma & put a wet towel over her forehead. "Do you need anything else, Ms. Frost?" "Um, lass, could ye do me a wee favor & get th' Jaws o' Life?" Sean choked through gritted teeth. "She's crushing me hand like kindling!!!" 

Just then, Kairi walked into the room, accompanied by a priest. "Ok, here ya go, one priest." he said. 

The priest looked at Emma & said "Are you sure this is what you want, child?" 

"Yes, please father, we both agreed to this," Emma gasped. 

As she went through contraction, Ranma brought the doctor in & said "Here's the doc, let's split!" 

"Agreed!!" Kairi & Tigrr said as they left the room. 

"Dearly beloved," the priest began, "we are gathered here today to witness the union of-" 

"ARRGHH!! Skip this part!!" Emma growled. 

"Kasumi, I believe we should leave this place now," Washu stated, but Kasumi merely nodded her head. 

As they left, the priest said, "Ok, let's make this short, Sir, do you take this woman to be your wife?" 

"Aye, I do." 

"Ma'am, do you-" 

"Yes damnit!!" 

"Okey dokey. Do you have any vows to exchange?" "Aye. Emma, I.... it was so hard fer me ta admit it, but I love ye. Even if we tend ta be at each other's throats, I always felt sumthin' fer ya." 

"Ok, you Emma?" 

"Yeah, I got a few vows! This is your fault I'm in this pain, ya loud mouthed bastard! I'm going to---" (Kairi's note: Due to the profanity laced vow, I cannot in good concience allow people to see the rest, so lets go to the next scene.) 

(M-F's note: I listen to the vow anyway and fall over laughing.) 

"Ok, you haven't explained fully, Miyuki," Kairi claimed as he sat down next to Yuffie. "Just who are you?" 

Miyuki smiled & said cheerfully, "Knew you'd ask that. Well, I'm from 22 years into the future, but I'm 18. My full name is Miyuki Espinosa-Kojiro." 

"Huh? That would mean.... Whoa, you're Angelo's kid?" Yuffie gasped. Miyuki nodded & Yuffie said, "I guess we can't tell him then." 

"Yes, well, I was sent to protect him. You see, in my time, my father was severely crippled from the waist down by one of those robots. I had to protect them to make sure that it won't happen." 

"I see," Kairi responded. "I guess that means he will marry someone from Jurai." 

"Eventually. But there's another reason why I'm here. You must prepare yourselves, because soon, in a few months time, someone you know will attack Earth. I can only advise you keep an eye out. Well, my job is done. See you in 22 years." 

As Miyuki walked out, Yuffie put her arms around Kairi's neck & said, "So, when will You propose to me?" 

"NANI?!?" 

"SSSH, let them sleep," Washu whispered to Jubilee & Ryoga as she closed the room door with Sean, Emma & little H.C. (Hope-Clarice) inside. 

"Well, you all did well, considering the odds," Washu declared. "But I think it's time you guys start getting used to those two being married." 

"Ehh, it's what we've kinda been hoping for anyway," Jubilee answered. 

"Yeah, but it's kinda gonna be hard seeing those two in love." Ryoga observed. 

"Don't fret, it'll seem normal within a few weeks. Speaking of love," Washu smiled, "isn't it about time you two stared out?" 

As Washu strode away whistling a tune, Jubilee & Ryoga looked at each other & turned a bright beet red. 

**End!**

(Stay tuned for story five…THE WEDDING OF RANMA & AKANE!!! But you just know something will go wrong…..^^;) 

   [1]: mailto:kairi_64@hotmail.com
   [2]: mailto:humber12@hotmail.com



	7. Wedding Day Director's Cut

**_Hey._**

**_Ever do something and look back at it & say to yourself "You know I could have done much better if I added this or said that?" That's I felt with this story. I felt at times it was a little too dark for my tastes or a little weak in the ha-ha department. So, for your enjoyment, here is the 'director's cut' of Wedding Day-complete with a few added comments and fixed up dialogue. If it were a DVD, it would be a 'Boomstick Edition' or something. Enjoy_******

Disclaimer: I don't claim right to them, 'k? They are the copyrights of:  
Assholes, Inc (a.k.a. Marvel)  
Rumiko Takahashi  
Pioneer   
Capcom   
Square Soft  
SNK   
Mirage Studios

Prologue: Pirate Space Station ZX19029  
The remainder of the space pirates held their plasma rifles level at the  
small door separating the docking bay from the rest of the demolished  
station. Fear was slowly overtaking them. They always prepared for  
invasions, be it from rival pirates, the Galaxy Police or even the Juraian military. Unfortunately, the foe that was presently chasing them was well, in every regard, more powerful than they expected.  
It had happened so quickly. The crew of the ship 'Shine-Tsu-Hiko' was gearing up to meet with a group of Skrull pirates. Then, out of nowhere, a wave of flames entered the main hall, killing about 75 of the crew immediately. That's when he floated in. The smile on his face was one of utter madness & bloodlust as he proceeded to kill more of the pirates.  
Moritsuna, the leader of the pirates, sweated heavily. He only had 5 men left, all armed with the strongest laser weapons that existed. As his men carefully held their aim at the door, he doubted that even those weapons could stop their stalker. Slowly a small mist drifted as a lone figure phased in, his body wrapped by a purple cloak. "I don't know who the hell you are," Moritsuna shouted, "But you've pissed off the wrong guy! We're the most powerful pirates in the galaxy & if you think for a minute that--"  
"Save your speech." The voice was rather dry, but the intent of murder was not hidden very well. "If, by any chance, you believe that your Skrull friends will come to your aid, you are sadly mistaken. I've already killed them, but I accidentally destroyed their ship. Your ship will do, however. It's unfortunate I have no need of you, but I already have a crew standing by."  
"Give up the Shine-Tsu-Hiko? NEVER!" The five pirate crewmembers all opened fire on the lone figure, bombarding him with intense laser blasts that would have melted anything. However, they were effortlessly batted away as if they were mere flies. Then as they rushed in to attack, Moritsuna keeping his distance, the loner raised his hand. Before they could react, 5 small balls of energy were released at them, killing them instantly. Brandishing a light spear, Moritsuna stood his ground. "Damn it." he spat out as his foe smiled, pulling out a short sword, which glowed light green. Moritsuna growled & charged, tightly gripping his weapon. The figure swung his sword & a blast of green energy came at Moritsuna. Jumping over it, Moritsuna made a dive at his foe, gripping his weapon as he held it to his side. But suddenly, pain overtook him as the enemy swung at him. Though he  
was no more than a foot from him, somehow, he managed to strike down  
Moritsuna from the force of the swing alone. As he lay dying, Moritsuna heard his enemy say "You should be proud. You died at the hands of the new ruler of the universe. No one-be it the Skrulls, the Shi'ar or the most powerful empire in the universe, the Juraian family, can stop me."  
"But...how..." Moritsuna slowly passed away as the loner said "But first a trip to Earth. There's a group of people there who stand in my way. I owe them all a special death."

Wedding Day (Or, How To Conduct A Wedding Even When All Hell Breaks Loose.)  
by Kairi 'S. Sage' Taylor

"Don't ya ever sleep kid?"  
Jubilee mumbled this as she sat in the rocking chair with little H.C. in her arms, who had finally managed to be lulled to sleep by the swaying motions of the rocking chair that Jubilee currently occupied. As H.C. peacefully went into slumber land, Jubilee sighed & whispered to herself "Is it me or has everything become too peaceful?"  
At the moment, Sean & Emma were in the midst of enjoying a 1 month honeymoon (which I am rather loath of typing, seeing as I haven't the intestinal fortitude to even describe lovemaking in any detail.) The responsibilities of headmaster & headmistress went to Yosho & Washu. Right now, most of the other members of Generation X were out studying or training nearby, leaving Jubes to look after the little wonder. I'm REALLY going to find some way of thanking Paige for sticking me with this gig, Jubilee thought to herself, bitterly regretting her teammates' lack of control in choosing to spend a study session, & possibly sharing spit with Tristan, over helping to take care of a cute, noisy, engaged little girl. 'So much for Hayseed, but I wonder how Ev's doing?'

Author's note: Yes, Ev is dead, but this takes place a few months before he dies, so bear with me...

Everett held his offensive position where he stood in the middle of the clearing. The tip of his bokken was pointed down towards the green leaf covered ground, his breathing relaxed. Keeping his eyes closed, the sounds of the softly blowing wind & water dripping behind him, he focused on a sign as to where his opponent would strike, keeping his hands steady. Fortunately, his senses did not fail him as he swiftly turned to his rear & raised his bokken diagonally & to his right as he parried the blow aimed for his head. Tenchi effectively dodged the two strikes that Ev lashed out with & countered with his own series of attacks. As the battle progressed, Yosho stood in the distance with Prof. Xavier. "I see that Everett's fighting ability has come along quite well now." Xavier noted. "His overall  
responsive ability seems to have doubled."  
"His ability to do armed & unarmed combat has been somewhat overlooked." Yosho commented. "However, young Everett's potential is greater than I anticipated, not just his physical abilities, but his mutant powers as well."  
"How so?"  
"I've had some thought on this for awhile. Over time, mutants learn to control & harness the powers they have, some mastering them. However, I believe that the gene that mutants have contains hidden attributes. Now, normal, everyday radiation initially triggers a mutant's power. But what if something else was to affect the gene, something rather supernatural? It could initiate a chain reaction in the cells. There may be anything from a moderate physical change to an increase of powers." Yosho explained.  
"I see." Professor Xavier replied. "I have noticed that some young  
mutants have been more powerful than I previously thought. Jonothon's  
powers are certainly one example. Who else could possibly posses such  
potential?"   
"Or what?" Yosho uttered, his eyes mysteriously gazing towards space as he felt a strong force coming to Earth.

Washu sat at Emma's desk, making the final adjustments to the upgrade of Emma's PC, while Ryo-Oh-Ki watched from atop her head. "There we go, another masterpiece complete!" Washu announced triumphantly. "Not only has the security grid been tremendously improved, I've also expanded the communications network to both the G.P. headquarters & Jurai. Pretty impressive what the Galaxy's number 1 genius can do when she's bored, eh Ryo-Oh-Ki?"  
"Myeow!"   
A light knocking came at the den's door. "It's ok, C'mon in." Washu replied. The door opened & Soun Tendo walked in with his usual, somewhat serious face. "Ah Soun, what brings you to the academy today? I trust it has nothing to do with Happosai. Again." she emphasized, as her way of reminding Soun of the incident involving Nobiyuki, Angelo & the aforementioned little pervert at the Onsen (bathhouse).  
"No, this isn't about the master. Well, not yet anyway." Soun began. "Rather, this has to do with Ranma & Akane. As you know, they're wedding is to be in a few days. Almost all of their current issues have been taking care of." Washu, intently listening, nodded in agreement, as she recalled what has transpired over a period of time. Ryoga & Jubilee hit it off pretty well. Mousse & Mihoshi had become close (which DOES NOT automatically translate into intimate.) Unfortunately, the odds of unexplainable disaster with these two TOGETHER increased. (Washu's note: Pray to the heavens these  
two do not have children.) Ukyo had decided to pursue a larger career in the restaurant business by deciding to make her okonomiyaki restaurant bigger at the year's end. She also seemed to have a better relationship with Kairi or 'Dude Who Is Seriously Cursed'.  
(Just in case any of you start talking smack, all those in fan fiction who have NOT in any way, shape or form, written themselves having a relationship with their favorite anime character, & YES, that includes ANY Gundam pilot whose name happens to be Heero Yuy or Duo Maxwell, please speak up.)  
(Thank you.)  
Shampoo had decided to use her own methods to hunt down her own husband. Unfortunately, these methods dictated that her potential mate must be as strong as hr. So needless to say, many of the male faculty in Furinkan High who weren't verse in Amazon laws were hurt. Badly. Dr. Tofu's office saw many patients lately thanks to Shampoo's efforts.  
"Unfortunately, there is one obstacle that remains in the path of my daughter's happiness." Soun said.  
"The Kunos." Washu noted.  
Unfortunately, both Tatewaki Kuno & his rather psychotic sister,  
Kodachi, still set their sights on Ranma & Akane. No one wanted to go near them, seeing as how Kuno's bad poetry drove women to acts of attempted murder & Kodachi tended to paralyze her dates (I DON'T MEAN IN THAT KINDA WAY PERVERT!)  
"It's too bad Kairi is still training in the mountains." Soun continued. "But for now, I request your aid in this matter."  
"Hmm, it is a rather big dilemma." Washu said. "Fortunately, Jubilee & the others have a long school break coming up. We can use them as security."  
"That's good." Soun agreed. "But as for the master...well let's not beat around the bush, we have to take extreme measures with him."  
"I've got a solution."

Tristan & Paige were sitting, arms wrapped around each other, in the Tendo living room, watching 'Iron Chef'. Also sitting nearby was Kasumi & Jono, who were busy creating wedding invitations. Kasumi carefully looked at how Jono was intently staring at the aforementioned couple while writing inside another invite. "Jonothon," asked Kasumi "is there something wrong?"  
: Pardon: Jono replied. "You look very troubled." Kasumi continued. "Are you sure you're fine?"  
:Oh, I'm OK, nothin' to worry about. What makes you say that:  
"Well, I'm really concerned about what you've been writing inside the invitations." Kasumi then held up several invites that Jono had completed.   
:Um, let's see...'Die, you pie mashing prat'...'Ratboy must die'...'Burn Tristan you weasel'...'Redrum'...'Play Jet Set Radio & go read the new version of Penny's World Tour soon to be relaunched at how'd that get in there:  
"I think you're upset about Paige, aren't you?" Kasumi inquired. : Hmmm, guess it was that obvious, huh: Jono glumly replied.  
"You miss her?"  
: Yeah. But once in awhile I find a way of getting over it.:  
"How?" asked Kasumi. :I've been doing a lot of sketching. Find it's a good way to vent some o' my feelings: Jono reached into his pants pocket & pulled out a twice-folded piece of paper. Kasumi took the paper & examined the picture. "Um, Jono this sketch..."  
:Yes:   
"Are you sure this is helpful?" Kasumi asked as she examined Jono's sketch. The sketch was of Jono gleefully jumping up & down on an unconscious Tristan who had a Gibson guitar smashed over his head.

Elsewhere, at the Nekohaten, Monet & Ayeka were involved in a  
conversation along with Cologne, who was busy with a plate of shumai  
dumplings. "Ah, it's been quite an eventful month." Cologne sighed,  
"Finally, someone is getting married. Unfortunately, it will not be my  
granddaughter. Oh well, there's sure to be another strong suitor  
elsewhere."   
"Yes, a pity," Ayeka agreed "but I'm sure she'll find a nice man. In the meantime, it'll be interesting to see how the new interplanetary  
relations between Earth & Jurai turn out."  
"Quite." Monet nodded in acknowledgement. "But I find it rather odd that the UN was so hesitant in addressing matters such as this."  
"I believe the matter of having spaceships fly regularly over your head got to them." Cologne pointed out. "But the possibilities of what our two planets can finally do together cannot be ignored."  
"I'll agree to that." The 3 turned to see Funhao, Yosho's mother &  
first Queen of Jurai, joining them at the table with a bowl of miso soup in her hands. "All my husband wants to do now is play that blasted golf he's just discovered."  
"It's a trait shared by all older male creatures." Monet glibly replied. "Get used to it."  
"By the way, where is Shampoo?" Ayeka asked. "I sent her to run a small errand in the mountains." Cologne explained, carefully choosing not to tell them that earlier she had sensed a great evil power heading towards the forest, where Kairi was training.

The room was only lit by the flame of one small red candle as Angelo, Ev, Nobiyuki & Ryoko sat in the Masaki shrine. "So, I believe the team has all been informed of the importance of their task." Nobiyuki stated,  
"Yeah," Angelo replied, "we'll be ready. I'd like to see that idiot just TRY to crash the wedding."  
"Um, Angelo?" Ev cleared his throat. "You do know that the last time they tried to interrupt the wedding, Kuno was using a real sword. A really sharp katana blade."  
"Damn. As if he wasn't dangerous enough with a wooden sword. But he's still an idiot."  
"Right. Here's the deal." Ryoko laid out a map of the Tendo dojo onto the table. "Jubilee, Monet & Ryoga will be at the entrance to the dojo. Paige, Jono & Ukyo will guard the rear. On one side will be Angelo & the other side will be Kiyone. The rest of us will be inside."  
"What about Happosai?" Ev asked. Ryoko sighed & replied "We'll take care of the little perv tonight. But it'll require both Mr. Masaki's & Angelo's cooperation."  
"Sure Ryoko!"  
"No problemo!"  
"Ok boys, I'll need all your porno's!"  
It was at this point in time that Angelo fainted & Nobiyuki nearly had a heart attack as he gasped "OUR WHAT!"  
"Look, I don't need to remind you two about the Onsen incident," Ev stated "but unless you two have another plan to get Happy the hell out of our lives, cough up the Playboys!"  
"How will I ever live this down?" Nobiyuki whined as he removed a board from the floor. Reaching deep, Nobiyuki removed several steel boxes from the depths of the shrine, each with a lock.  
"Is Yosho aware of this?" asked Ev.  
"Hey, you have to be creative when you're securing your most prized possessions." Nobiyuki proudly proclaimed. Opening one of the boxes, Ev pulled out a note "What the...Nobiyuki, you'll have to be more creative than this. Signed, Yosho."  
"OK gringo, where's your stash?" Ryoko asked Angelo.  
"You'll need these." Angelo explained as he gave her a series of keys. "I've made a safe that has a few failsafe devices to open it."  
"All that security for a few Playboys?" Ev scoffed, raising an eyebrow.  
"Hey, it's not like the men are safe from that little hentai!" Angelo retorted.  
"Relax." Ryoko said, raising her hand "Just tell me what to do & I'll get them myself."

The seven safe doors all fell apart easily as Ryoko cut through them using her energy sword. Behind stood Jubilee & Yuffie. "Uh, maybe it's me," Yuffie started "but I thought Angelo gave you instructions on how to open the safe."  
"Eh, I forgot."  
"Oh."   
"Damn, nice little safe." Jubilee whistled as they entered it's  
interior. The walls had several cabinets built into them, all separated & marked by numbers & letters. "Oy vey, just what kind of dark past does our little Angelo have?" Jubilee mused.  
"We just need the mags, nothing else." Ryoko replied. "But it kinda makes you wonder, you know. What do guys keep hidden from girls?"  
"You mean besides porno?" Yuffie remarked.  
"Where do you want to start?" Jubilee asked.  
"I'll look over here."  
Temporarily abandoning their mission, the girls searched through the cabinets. As Yuffie searched through a cabinet marked 'K' & pulled out an unusually large file, Ryoko pulled out a cabinet marked 'R' & retrieved a file with her name on it. "Ha, I thought so." Ryoko huffed "He was taking pictures of me at the Onsen. I should have never trusted him."  
"So, what are you gonna do?" Jubilee inquired. "Oh, I guess I'll just take these pictures & leave them underneath Tenchi's pillow."  
"WHAT?"   
"Hey, he needs some kind of pleasant dream to get through the night. These are just what the doctor ordered!"  
"Geez Ryoko," Jubilee started "they're just photos of you in the buff. I'm pretty sure you can snag Tenchi without..."  
"There's also a large file of Ryoga at the men's hot spring."  
"Gimme." Jubilee promptly snatched the file & stuffed it in her  
jacket." 

Bobby Drake looked at his drink as he carefully assessed the situation he found himself in: Since none of the members of Generation X were able to accompany him into the Pink Bunny Bar (& Angelo seriously protested!) it was up to him & Genma to lead Happosai into the bar. Happy's sensory nerves went into overload as he gawked at the Playboys that were presented to him in a huge box, as well as all of the cute girls in the club with skintight bunny outfits. "Woo hoo, now this is a party!" Happosai wooped as he guzzled another bottle of sake. "Boy's, this is what a bachelor party should be all about. Where's the proud groom Ranma anyway?"  
"Think of it as a bachelor party without the actual bachelor." Bobby nervously replied. "Had Ranma come here however, tomorrow's wedding would have been a funeral instead." Genma added.  
"Oh yes, good point. But enough of that!" Happosai smiled a lecherous smile that would have put half of the republican congress to shame, or at least resembled a smile of a sadist watching an Al Snow match. "Bring on the girls!" Suddenly, the lights dimmed to a low purple. From the curtains, a mysterious, teal haired woman in an Arabian harem girl's outfit slowly danced her way into the bar, with a rose colored veil covering her face. As she danced a seductive number, a good deal of the club's male patrons developed nosebleeds.  
"Whoa." was the collective word that Bobby, Genma & Happosai let out. Happosai began to shake violently as he remarked "Maybe Ranma can marry Shampoo & Ukyo too. That way we can have two more parties."  
Booby & Genma glanced nervously at each other. Happosai's next move would determine whether or not their scheme would work. The girl, now gyrating her hips, slowly made her way towards their table. Happosai shook violently as the hormones in his sex drive went to DEFCON 7 ver. 3.0. Quickly bouncing off the table, he screamed out "COME TO ME MY ARABIAN DESERT FLOWER!"  
Bobby, seeing his slim opportunity, raised his hand & let out a strong ice beam. Managing to freeze & trap the leaping hentai master into a huge ice cylinder, he quipped "To think, they called me a scrub's character in Marvel Vs. Capcom 2!"  
"You cut it close, didn't ya?" The girl took the veil off her face to reveal herself as Ryoko. "Hey, at least he's in the ice, right?" Bobby replied. "But how long can we keep him in there?"  
"He's gotten out of worst things than this," Genma informed them "but I think Washu can help."  
"But of course I can!" Washu exclaimed as she wheeled in a large circular pad. "Now to make sure that our bald headed creep here doesn't get out so easily."  
"Hey, what did I ever do to you?"  
"The OTHER bald headed creep, Genma!"  
"Oh, right."  
Summoning her dimensional laptop, Washu typed in a few commands & a few seconds later, the ice cylinder was placed in a large rectangular containment unit. "Now all I have to do is send the box away to a parallel planet in the future & we'll never have to worry about him again."  
"But how will we know no one else will open that thing?" Bobby asked.  
"Look on the side."  
Seeing a large sign with skull & crossbones, Bobby read "Please Please PLEASE For The Love of God Never Open This!"  
The unit was placed on the pad as Washu whistled "Ta-ta Gramps!". Striking a key, the group watched as the box glowed & then blinked out of existence. Tears welling up in his eyes, Genma gushed out "Finally, after all this time, we're finally rid of the master! OH WHAT A GLORIOUS DAY!"  
"There goes one problem." Ryoko said. "Now comes the hard part."

Ev stood at the front of the academy, looking up into the night skies. The training he did with Tenchi had done him a world of good as he noticed his strength & agility had improved. Still, he was rather nervous about the next day. Even though he was an idiot, Kuno was a foe that he could not afford to underestimate. Especially when he was totally focused. The damage that Kuno could do when he was like that was almost imaginable.  
As he reflected on what he should do, he felt a pair of arms around his waist. Sighing he smiled & said "I take it you couldn't sleep yourself."   
"Yes, indeed." Monet answered as she held him close.  
"Um, Monet about tomorrow."  
"Don't say anything. Let's just stay like this for the rest of the night." she said softly, hugging him closer. It was truly hard for Monet to admit she actually loved Ev; after all, she had come from an aristocratic background where it was believed that showing emotions was a form of weakness. Besides, she was supposed to be beyond such people like Ev, right?  
That's what attracted her to Ev. He was kind, sincere, willing to help everyone in the team no matter what--traits she wished that she could posses more of. After his breakup with Gaia, he didn't appear to be phased by it. But she knew even he hurt. His kindness to her, even after she almost alienated everyone on the team, it was something that confused her. But in the end it didn't matter. She had won his heart in the end & for now, she content with the young mutant in her arms.

Kairi sighed as he stepped out of the cabin to view the forest in front of him. He had built himself a small cabin in the mountains near Nerima where he could be on his own. The primary reason was to train & improve on his fighting abilities. It was the best way he kept in shape besides skateboarding. Then, the second primary reason came into his mind.  
To get as far away from Yuffie as possible.  
He wasn't dense: he had become fully aware of how attractive she had become over the past few years. But he, under no circumstances, felt he was ready for any type of relationship, which included anything that he felt breached 'the thin line between romantic & icky, NC-17 stuff'. So far all Yuffie did in the time he knew her was send photos of herself that made Angelo & Jono develop nosebleeds, as well as glomp onto him every time she made a surprise visit. Then, there was the habit of finding her sleeping next to him in bed every Saturday & Sunday. Of course nothing could top the 'Onsen Incident'.

He had another problem as well. The Fanfiction Writer's Guild had adapted many different policies over time, one of them being a policy of direct interference in the lives of their heroes, which was none. Sure, if one had knowledge of a potential death of a hero, they could act to prevent the future events from occurring. But as any sci fi nut will attest to, there are usually unforeseen effects when tampering with the possible future, such as inadvertedly starting a chain of events which leads (or will lead) to Magneto controlling half of Europe. Or becoming your own grandfather. Somehow, Douglas Adams & Philip J Fry learned to deal with such haphazard circumstances, so should you. There was also a rule against becoming too intimate with their charges. However, many of the friendships between the writers & the people in question are usually very friendly, and in some cases quite helpful to the universe. Of course the 'Mary Sue' problem is a bit of a hassle, and there are some who are just plain creepy when certain fetishes almost were acted upon, so eventually a task force of sorts was formed to handle such cases. It was this task force that had closely guarded Kairi over the past few months.  
"I hope Ranma's having a good day." Kairi mumbled as he walked outside, staff in hand. The wedding was about to take place in a few hours, but due to his training he couldn't attend. Kairi couldn't quite explain why he decided to train anyway, he liked having a low profile. He only learned magic & fighting techs because they were part of his favorite subjects. He never sought glory or adventure, like many other writers he met. Sure, profit was to be made, but he preferred a quiet day at home, or a good session of Smash Bros to risking life & limb. Also, the fact that Godo, Yuffie's father, seriously wanted him to carry on the family line & raise a family with her was beginning to drive him up the wall.  
As he walked in the field, he suddenly stopped, quietly looking about at the trees. Something had caught his attention, but it barely showed itself. Kairi concentrated, remembering some of the things Sean had taught him on detecting his would be enemies, trying to get a feel for who it could be. As he held his ground, he thought to himself "I can't believe it, that bastard is alive." Extending his left arm, he cast a fireball spell, launching it towards a nearby bush. Very quickly, a large man in black clothing leapt out into view, followed by several more similarly dressed people, all wielding sais. There were seven of them in total, all in a circle about him. Suddenly, his staff was ripped from his hands by an unseen force, heading towards the roof of the cabin. Kairi looked over his shoulder to see a young man, 2 years younger than him, standing at the top. He wore black pants & a blue tunic. Strands of his long, violet hair colored his dark purple eyes. It didn't seem natural, but somehow it was appropriate to him. He smiled at Kairi as he said "I hope we were not interrupting anything important Taylor."  
"Simon Raven. With my rotten luck, it just had to be you."

Quietly shuffling the guests in, Soun had the look of a perfectly calm man who was finally about to see his youngest daughter married. Inwards, he was scared as hell.  
At first, getting the guests into the dojo safely had gone off without a hitch. The Kunos were nowhere to be seen & Happosai's absence greatly relieved him to no ends. Any other father would sigh a breath of relief. Not Soun. He knew anything was possible that day. The Kunos were rather stubborn in affairs of the heart. OK, pigheaded, clueless, lacking in proper social graces, skitzo to the point where a lifetime membership to the Looney bin wouldn't help, whatever you wanna label the situation, they were a serious threat. As Monet entered the dojo, she asked Soun "I take it something is on your mind?"  
"Indeed. The ceremony is to begin in one hour & the priest I sent for hasn't arrived yet. I hope Everett didn't have any problems."  
"No, I'm more than certain he'll get here." Monet replied. "He's been very well trained lately." As she finished her sentence, Ev arrived with the Shinto priest in tow. Panting heavily, Ev gasped out "We just barely escaped from the Kunos! They're on their way now!"  
"Right! I'll get everyone mobilized! Good luck!" Monet lightly kissed Ev & went to the side of the dojo as Soun talked to him. "Ev, I fully trust you & your friends in resolving this situation as best as possible. But..." Soun grasped Ev's shoulders firmly & shook him crying "BUT FOR KAMI-SAMA'S SAKE SON KEEP THOSE MANIACS AWAY FROM THE DOJO!"  
"Uh, sure, no problem." From nearby, Yosho & Nodoka, Ranma's mother, watched on. "He's a nervous wreck, that man." Nodoka noted.  
"Yes, he is." Yosho agreed.

Paige frowned as she angrily looked at Jono. Ever since they left the Tendo dojo a couple of days earlier, he had not said a single word to her or glanced in her general direction for any reason whatsoever. She had considered 3 possible explanations-

a)he was being he usual brooding, mysterious self & whatever reason he had was best left to him.  
b) He was seriously jealous of the affection that she & Tristan displayed, which made even Tenchi & Kairi grimace quietly. So, being the ex-girlfriend, she could possibly drive him bonkers.  
c) Tristan laughing at Jono & jumping on top of the table doing a little number as Manchester was beaten by Greece 7-0 in soccer seriously pissed off the English dude. Both Tristan & Paige wearing headbands that said 'Manchester Blows' didn't help the situation at all. And in all honesty, as an American with only the most bare minimum of knowledge in soccer, what happened in the above situation just should not be. I mean c'mon, the team with David freaking Beckham losing that badly?

"And just why are you giving me the silent treatment NOW?" Paige asked in an annoyed tone. Jono continued to scan the area as he replied :What are you talking about, luv:  
"You haven't said a damn word to me for a couple of days now. It's obvious you're upset about something I did!"  
"Pardon me," Ukyo interjected "but we're supposed to be keeping an eye out for the two psychos known as the Kunos. I'm sure we can talk about this later"  
Ignoring Ukyo completely, Paige continued. "Jonothon Starsmore, you are so sloppy in hiding your anger, so just spill it!"  
:You wanna know what's on my mind? Ok, why not! The way you & that little weasel have been acting around the rest of us, it's like you're throwing the fact that you've got a boyfriend in my face & I'm getting really tired of it:  
"Me? HA, you should talk Mr. Tall Dark & Gothic! You practically got girls giggling like a dumb bimbo at a boy band concert (Author's Note: DEATH TO ALL BOY BANDS! MORE BUBBLE GUM TECHNO & ACID ROCK!) but you push them all away because all you got is angst, angst, angst!"  
:Well, seeing as how I am stuck with HALF A FACE it could actually scare some girls away:  
"Hey we have a job to do!" Ukyo tried to inform the duo but the arguments continued.  
"Hello, I was ok with the 'not having a mouth' thing. Any normal girl could get past that!"  
:You're not exactly normal yourself, gel.:  
"What's that supposed to mean?"  
"C'mon you two!"  
:You're the 'Next Leader Of The X Men', you figure it out:  
"I'm far more intelligent than you think!"  
"Hello?"   
:Really? Then why did you go head over heels for some grandson of a crime boss who can turn on us faster than it takes for Jubilee & Angelo to scarf down a bag of gorditas! My God, the guy was gonna blackmail us:  
Sighing heavily, Ukyo muttered "Somehow, I knew you two would be at each others throats. Now I owe Nabiki 1000 yen."

"This is quite a sturdy cabin you've built, Kairi. The carpenters did a rather excellent job." Simon crossed his arms as Kairi muttered "So, I see you've been busy. You know, I could have sworn the fall off the building killed you."  
"Yeah, it would have had it not been for my unique new skills. Ah, there was a very anti-climatic moment. No doubt the Guild had sent you to fetch me that day. Gee, wonder why?"  
"Let me refresh your memory in case it slipped your mind." Kairi growled. "The material you were submitting at the time was getting seriously disturbing, even for dark fanfics. Then Washu informed Jono & I that you were stalking Sasami, the subject of your little works."  
"Oh, dear Sasami!" Simon smiled wickedly. "How is the little darling? I really do wish to see her."  
"My ass you will." Kairi reached into his pockets & pulled out a pair of blue fingerless fighting gloves. "Look, I really don't mind when other writers do Mary Sue fics. Most of the stuff is rather harmless anyway & if it stinks, someone's got to do a MiSTing. Rather funny really, if they had such a raging passion for a cute girl, just ask the gal out. Well, except with Akane, no chance in hell there. And don't get me started on all the problems Betsy's had with her admirers. However, you are so far beyond the line. The things you described in there…seriously, dude, not even remotely in the same planet as cool--& you do recall what happens when I go over the edge, right?"  
"Really? & Why is that Kairi? Why do you go out of your way to protect her.? Don't tell me you consider her something of a third sister! You're becoming too attached to our subjects"  
"Hey, for some damned reason, Azuza asked me to be her retainer on this planet." Kairi answered back, shrugging his shoulders. "She's got Tenchi & the others backing her up, but that guy knows just how unpredictable writers are. We kinda figured it would be a good idea to have some additional insurance, but I kinda figured we'd just give her some summoning skills, or at least a ninja. She's also my son's godmother & I'll be damned if I allow you to even breathe in her direction."  
"Just what the Guild needs, a modern African American samurai." Simon sighed. "I thought Azuza would trust Azaka & Kamidake, but apparently he sees something in you. Or maybe Sasami requested it. That's rich, another of our subjects having a crush on you. Are you sure you have no kind of influence whatsoever on who they desire"  
"Get to the point, Raven!" Kairi spat out. "I hate it when the bad guy tries to play therapist, let's just skip to the part where we kick the blood out of each other." Simon merely laughed as he replied "My, aren't you the hasty one. That is what I've always noticed about you Taylor; there is a part of you that lives to fight, to prove himself, to shed blood. Well I won't leave you in suspense any longer. I've hijacked a pirate ship, killed its crew & assembled a small personal army to come back to Earth just to kill you & all of your mutant friends. How's that for an opener?"  
"Oh, really?" Kairi grinned. "Maybe it's me, but don't you think that 7 ninjas is a bit of OVERKILL? Who do I look like, Sonny Chiba?"

Ryoga looked carefully about the area as Jubilee said "Well so far, the only fighting that's erupted is the grudge match between Hayseed & Chamber." Monet nodded & replied "At most, the atmosphere has been subdued."  
"Yeah, but Kuno should have been here by now. If I know the dope, he'll try to charge in from the front." Ryoga said.  
"Well, with our combined strength, we should have no trouble subduing him." Monet stated matter of factly.  
That's when two criss cross slash marks gleamed as the doors to the gates of the Tendo dojo fell apart. In the midst of the destruction stood Tatewaki Kuno, in black & gray kimono garb, wielding a rather wicked looking Murasame blade. "Stand aside!" Kuno boomed "I've come to duel with Saotome Ranma, not with you!"  
"Back off Kuno!" Jubilee snarled as she fired off her paffs at Kuno. Gripping the handle of his katana, Kuno yelled out "STRIKE STRIKE STRIKE STRIKE!" as he rapidly swung his sword, batting the projectiles away. "Um, this could be a bit tricky." Jubilee yelped out."  
Taking out his battle umbrella, Ryoga said "Let me handle this girls." Facing Kuno, Ryoga said "I will not allow you to interrupt the most important day of Akane's life. Leave now or else--" Before Ryoga finished the sentence, Kuno slashed at Ryoga's umbrella three times. A few seconds later, the umbrella fell to pieces.  
"OK...say, M," Jubilee smiled, patting Monet on the back, "you're invulnerable, right?"  
"I am not Superman."  
The doors to the dojo opened & Tenchi stepped outside accompanied by Ev. Both had their own katana blades & unsheathed them as Ev said "Alright Kuno, this is as far as you go."  
"It would be in your best interest to go home right now. And for kami-sama's sake, GET OVER IT." Tenchi stated.  
"You're nothing but a mere formality for a warrior such as Tatewaki Kuno! My beloved Akane will not be married to a heathen such as Ranma!"  
"He's calling Ranma a heathen?" Monet whispered to herself."

"OHHOHOHOHOHOHO!" The irritating laugh that would drive monks to shriek in terror forever breaking their code of silence was deafening as Kodachi arrived on the scene wearing a wedding kimono. Ukyo grabbed her battle spatula as Kodachi said "Stand aside, peasant girl! I shall be the only one that weds my dear Ranma today."  
"I don't think so toots." Ukyo replied. "I'm here to make sure my Ran-chan gets married without a hitch. Which is more than what I can say for my associates." Ukyo pointed to Jono & Paige, who were in the middle of a heated battle. Paige had husked herself unto pure steel as Jono dodged her fists as best he could.  
"Take back what you said about my thighs!"  
:After how you just insulted International Soccer 64? Not bloomin' likely:  
"You keep some rather interesting company." Kodachi smiled. "But I'm more than enough for you Ukyo!" As Kodachi prepared to battle, Yuffie jumped down from the roof of the dojo, wielding her Conformer weapon. "Well, finally. I won't have to be so totally bored!" she smiled.  
"What the heck are you doing here?" Ukyo asked. "Ah, I got tired of waiting for Kairi to stop being so damned spineless & show up to support his pals. Then I saw this wacko coming here, so I decided to let off a little steam!" Yuffie explained."  
"This wouldn't have anything to do with the fact that Soun promised to give you a master summon materia in exchange for your help?"  
"Hey, 1.4 million gil can buy a girl a lot. Especially the perfect dream house for me & Kairi!" Yuffie smiled shamelessly as Ukyo muttered "I MUST be the only sane person here."

"I think these ninjas will give you a good fight." Simon said to Kairi. "I'm curious to see how long you can last with your current hand to hand skills. But of course you have neglected them, so that's why you are here, right? I'm sure my personal guard will be more than happy to assist"  
"Yeah, right. Ninjas with weapons against one unarmed guy. I don't suppose you took away my weapon to even the odds."  
"I don't know the reasons why that old shopkeeper gave you this sword, but I suppose he has some sort of motivation for giving it away. I hate that sort of sentimentality. Don't be disappointed though, you are not the only one who will be in battle today. I've got some friends visiting the Tendo Dojo. After we finish here & at the dojo, I will take Sasami as my bride & your son will be mine. Then we will all rule the universe together as one big happy family."  
"WHAT?" What do you want with Hideo?" Kairi's anger rose as Simon continued. "Tut tut, old friend. Even I know of the power that he possesses. It's power that I believe should not go to waste. I alone will teach him to harness it. Hideo is a worthy successor to me. Both you & Washu have kept this secret very well hidden from the Guild until now. But that will change. Prepare to die." The ninja directly in front of Kairi rushed in to attack, both of his sais ready to strike. Unknown to Kairi though, the ninja behind him leaped towards him, fighting sticks raised.  
"Shunpu Renkyaku!"  
The ninja was hit three times in the head as he fell to the ground. Kairi's attacker was distracted for a second. More than enough time for him to receive a side thrust kick via Kairi's left foot. As the ninja fell back, another person stood next to Kairi. It was Sakura, dressed in her sailor fuku, but with a red headband on. "I see you've met some new friends." Sakura replied.  
"Sakura!" Simon growled "Well, isn't this an interesting surprise."  
"What are you doing here?" Kairi asked. "Jubilee called. Said to come here to haul your forgetful ass down to the Tendo Dojo in time for the reception," Sakura explained. "I also decided, hey why not get some sparring in, see if the old boy's gotten any stronger. I guess we'll have to put that off."  
"Totally. So, aside from Ibuki, you fight ninjas much?" Two more ninjas jumped at them from behind, but rather quickly another figure came in & jumped in between them, knocking them down to the ground hard. The figure landed & everybody saw it was Shampoo, armed with bonbari. "Nihao! You ninjas order Chinese ass kicking?" Shampoo asked.  
"That was surprisingly lame for a one liner. Lemme guess, Cologne sent you?" Kairi replied.  
"Great Grandmother almost know everything," Shampoo replied "except how to program VCR."

"I see she still wants me to keep up on my ramen tab."  
I must remember to personally kill Cologne one of these days, Simon thought to himself.  
"Well this should even everything out." Sakura beamed. "Looks like the Heroic Trio is ready for action."  
"We can't be the Heroic Trio! I'm not a woman!"  
"Shampoo not care for bad Kung Fu movie puns."  
"I suppose there's a reason why you get along with ladies so well." Simon quipped.  
"If you knew ANYTHING about my luck with women, you know that the word 'cursed' has popped up many times in a conversation." Kairi remarked.  
"Shampoo hear everything evil Simon say. Shampoo snarled, raising her bonbari. "Shampoo also friend of Sasami and Hideo's godmother. You not touch her, too too perverted boy!"  
"THAT'S the guy you told me about?" Sakura asked in shock. "What a weenie!"  
"Tell me about it." Sakura sighed and asked "By the way, how many godparents does Hideo have?" Kairi raised his hands. "Uh, lets see, There's Shampoo, Sasami & Ms. Yomiko Readman, they are the godmothers. And Yosho, Logan & Kurt are the godfathers…" Sakura shrugged her shoulders, not wanting to know the reasons why 6 godparents were needed.  
"You won't be so cocky when I send you all to your graves. Kill them."

Both Ev & Tenchi leaped back as Kuno slashed at them with his blade. "You indeed are worthy adversaries for my skill level." Kuno smirked. "But the day has yet to be won. No one is superior to Tatewaki Kuno in the ways of the sword!"  
"Geez, this guy should really just shut up already. I've seen Shakespeare performances by Dolph Lundren that were worse than what he spouts" Ev groaned.  
"Yeah. Too bad he has a lot of skill to back it up." Tenchi replied, holding his katana in front of him. "This could take a while. Got any ideas?"  
"I'm working on it."  
As Kuno prepared to attack, at that precise moment, some unexpected, unwanted guests arrived. No, not Marvel editors, they have no business in this tale at all, with the exception of a passing mention later. 10 ninjas all leaped at the same time over the gates in front of them, wielding swords.  
"The hell---who are these idiots?" Jubilee shouted.  
"I wager they're not in love with Akane." Ryoga answered.  
"Totally. Things are weird enough as it is without a whole ninja clan fawning over her." Jubilee smiled.  
"Who are you to interrupt our duel!" Kuno growled. The tallest ninja raised his sword at Kuno. "We have orders to kill every single person in this little hovel & kidnap Princess Sasami." the ninja stated "That includes you, dirty little samurai wannabe."  
"So, you wish to question my prowess. Very well, challenge & learn!" Raising his katana, Kuno yelled "Everett-san! Tenchi-kun! To my side! Let us set aside our differences & expel these interlopers from the Tendo Dojo!"  
"This I can agree on." Tenchi said as he rushed to Kuno's side with Ev. As Jubilee, Monet & Ryoga rushed to help, 5 more ninjas jumped down from the roof in front of them wielding chain-sickle weapons. "Prepare to die!" one of them shouted.  
"Do you have ANY idea who we are?" Monet said, raising her eyebrow in amusement. "Honestly, don't you keep records?"  
"In case you guys don't know, I've taken down Sabretooth, Sauron & kicked the collective asses of The Hand," Jubilee said "so do you really think you stand a chance in hell?" (At this time, the author wishes to point out to one Ms. Morgan Webb that Jubilee is not the worse mutant ever. Just because you didn't power her up properly in X Men Legends doesn't automatically mean she's the worse. That title goes to Toad)  
Two of the ninjas responded by throwing their chains at Ryoga & Monet. Catching the chains with their hands, both of them smiled.  
"Well, shall we?" Ryoga asked.  
"Lets."   
Monet & Ryoga slammed the two ninjas together using their own chains. At the same time, Jubilee front flipped into the middle of the 3 remaining ninjas. Before they could react, Jubilee elbowed one in the throat, kicked another in the chest with a thrust kick, then leg swept the remaining one before hitting him with a paff. Out of the corner of his right eye, Ryoga saw two more ninjas rushing in to attack. As he prepared himself, Angelo swung in as if he were Spider Man, using the skin of his fingers, knocking them down. "Web Head's got nothing on me!" Angelo boasted.  
"Nice work." Ryoga said. A few seconds later a couple more unconscious ninjas were dropped onto the ground as Kiyone stood over them, rubbing her fingers. "Trying to attack a GP officer? You dolts are in some serious trouble now." she growled.  
"Does anyone know what the hell is going on here?" Jubilee asked.  
"I haven't the foggiest notion." Monet replied.  
"Neither do I, but expect more company," Kiyone informed them, holding up her radar watch. "There's an unregistered ship, the 'Shine-Tsu-Hiko' coming this way. We're gonna have our hands full."  
"Not unless me & Ryoko can do something." Jubilee replied.

"Well, this is just perfect." Paige sighed as the 8 ninjas surrounded her, Jono, Yuffie, Ukyo & Kodachi. "This is the first wedding I've been to where ninjas tried to kill me."  
"Like, I'm almost insulted!" Yuffie grinned. "These geeks call themselves ninjas? Don't you guys have some pirates to kill or something?"  
:So, you gels want me to go first or do you wanna tango with them: Jono asked.  
"Knock yourself out sugar!" Ukyo said. Jono pulled back his hood, releasing a huge blast of psionic energy. As two of the attackers were wiped out, Paige husked her steel skin away to a shiny, black metal. A ninja swung his sword & it immediately broke on impact. "What the hell..." The ninja said in confusion. "In case you're wondering, I just learned to husk myself into a metal called gundanium. Now this is the part were I demonstrate 215 ways to break bones in the human body."

Ranma groaned quietly to himself. After all the wait, after all the headaches & insanity, after 34 damned volumes where we didn't get a real sense of a resolution leaving it up to fans to imagine life after the Saffron battle for years on end, he finally was getting married. Never mind the fact that the Nannunichuan (Spring Of Drowned Man)had somewhat dried up or the fact that there had to be extra security, the wedding was finally taking place. Only one thing was wrong.  
The priest's speech was the longest, boring, inane piece of crap he has had to listen to in his life. It literally bore him to la-la land. He would have dozed off, but that would mean that Akane would beat the daylights out of him. Sure, she's done it more times than anyone can remember, but it's something you put extra effort in avoiding.  
In the crowd of guests at the front row sat Nodoka & Genma, Ranma's parents.. Alongside sat Ayeka & Sasami, who were accompanied by Azuza & Misaki, their parents. Genma nervously crossed his fingers as Sasami commented "Wow, Akane looks really beautiful in that kimono!"  
"Yes, I know." Nodoka said "Kasumi & I worked on it for two nights."  
"It really is quite lovely." Ayeka said. "I only wish I could look as beautiful when I marry lord Tenchi." Quietly whispering to his youngest daughter, Azuza asked "Does she always drone on about Tenchi like this?"  
"Yes." Sasami whispered back, sighing heavily. Her sister, as Jubilee had once put it, was a hopeless romantic.  
"My Ayeka may be graceful, but she has a one track mind."  
"So, are you still intent on running off & playing golf as soon as this wedding is over?" Misaki asked.  
"What ever makes you say that?"  
Misaki smiled & pointed to the bottom of their seats, where a set of golf clubs laid underneath. Azuza coughed as he said "Well, it IS a lovely day outside. A nice round of golf on this planet will be the best way to work off the food in the reception." One of the things that Azuza discovered about Earth was it's many little guilty pleasures. Golf wasn't exactly a sport found in abundance around the universe. Many other sports were available to the average space traveler like the Planet Racer circuits. He remembered one time when a racer had one an extraordinary match with a large, green terrapin creature who sported a red bandanna over his eyes. He suspected this green being was from Earth, but he couldn't verify. There was also the Muscle League fights, but he tended to avoid those events since it meant he would have to be around an old associate of his, Kinikuman. And Kinikuman farted. A lot. No, golf was something that was only recently catching on in the galaxy, most notably on the Skrull world, where it was now considered a game that ultimately showed the wisdom & power of potential Skrull commanders rolled into one package. On Jurai, the sport was regarded with a bit of amazement at just how much work had gone into hitting a ball & making it go into one silly little hole, but the aristocrats of the planet tried it anyway, despite their opinions of the Earth.  
Akane nervously scanned her eyes around herself as the priest continued his speech about the traditions of Japanese weddings & why it was common nowadays for martial artists to stick to bachelorhood. "I don't know why, but I have a feeling something really bad is about to happen." And as usual, her instincts proved to be very accurate.  
Quite suddenly, as the priest finished his part of the speech about Hideyoshi's 12 steps to a happy marriage, a ninja crashed through the wall, bumped into the priest, and then went through the other wall, taking the priest with him. The guests all gasped in astonishment as Soun cried "NO! WE WERE SO CLOSE!"  
Well, that didn't take too long, Ranma thought. What followed next was rather odd. Ok, maybe odder, since we are talking about the 'No Need For Hama' fan universe here. At least two more ninjas leapt past the area via the holes followed by Everett & Kuno, who was yelling "You dare to fight the noble Tatewaki Kuno & run away?" Another pair of ninjas stumbled by, in battle with Paige & Jono who were in the heat of another argument.  
"Jonothon Starsmore, I DEMAND an apology from you right now!"  
:For what? I said I didn't hit Tristan on purpose with that hydrant:  
"Accident my steel buttocks!"  
Ranma & Akane just stared at each other. "Ranma do you suppose..."  
"That this was a bad idea? Yes."  
From the top of the dojo ceiling, 6 more ninjas dropped down. The leader, who wore blue, yelled "We are here to destroy all of your pathetic lives!"  
"All your base are belong to us!" the ninja directly behind him boomed. The leader turned around & yelled "WHAT? Didn't I specifically tell you NEVER to use that weak ass line in public! Geez, get with it! Ninjas do not spout corny lines from old badly translated video games!"  
"Sorry boss, I was up all night as the message boards!"  
"Argh! Why are you such an incompetent idiot!" As he turned around, the leader was greeted by the fists of Soun & Genma as the elder Saotome yelled "You've just ruined the most perfect day in my son's life. YOU BASTARDS ARE ALL GONNA DIE!"  
"Finally, me & pops can agree on something!" Ranma smirked as he turned to challenge the ninjas. Azuza smiled as he rose from his seat. "Finally, there's something on this planet worthwhile to do other than work on my putting." If anything, the citizens of the planet Jurai will tell you Azuza is a man you should never piss off. Just ask the guy who tried looking up Ayeka's dress. He's still eating out of a straw as of this day.  
"Who the hell are you?" one of the ninjas asked. "I am Azuza, Emperor of Jurai. You will forever refer to me as the man who handed you your ass on a silver platter."

Simon looked on as the battle began to end. Only 3 ninjas were left as they battled all over the area, long sine losing their weapons. Sakura fought one ninja in front of the cabin while Shampoo & Kairi battled their opponents near the tree line. Perhaps, Simon thought, the ninjas weren't such a viable option after all. Really, there was an overabundance of them. Sure, as a bad guy he had to have flunkies, but a good flunkie was hard to come by. Just ask Doctor Doom. An entire country at his disposal & not one good henchman to stand up to the Fantastic Four. Magneto's Acolytes at least gained a measure of respect since they had skills.  
As the ninja thrust his elbow out at Sakura, she easily caught it in her hands & gave him an open palm thrust into his chest. The area that covered the ninja's mouth became shades darker as he coughed up blood. Cupping her hands behind her, a battle aura of bright blue Ki energy formed all around her as she grinned. "You do realize this will sting a bit." The ninja cursed to himself as Sakura thrust her arms out forward as she yelled at the top of her lungs "SHINKU-HADOKEN!" In a matter of seconds, the wave of energy sent him flying out across the field into a tree. A few seconds later, another ninja was thrown on top of him as Shampoo knocked out her opponent. Kairi had uppercutted the last ninja hard & as he sank to the ground, Kairi raised his hands, ready to release a fireball spell. The ninja looked on, eyes filled with horror as the hand glowed red. Kairi, quietly closed his eyes for a few seconds before whispering to himself "...Nadia...". Opening his eyes, Kairi said "I'd spout out some corny ass heroic line or something, but I ain't in the mood. So get your friends & haul ass out of here." Quickly nodding, the ninja ran off. Sakura sighed saying "That was too short. And were you trying to sound like your regular self or a badass. I just can't see you as a legitimate badass. No offense"  
"Total boredom for Shampoo."  
Kairi said nothing. He focused his gaze on Simon as he approached the cabin. Simon smiled as he floated down from the roof, Kairi's staff still in his possession. "You've really gotten stronger as of late," Simon began "so I see I've underestimated you & your allies. It's still too bad though that I'm well beyond your best skills. Hell, the sword I've created is stronger than yours & can easily overpower Tenchi's."  
"The power you have..." Kairi said. "It's not what you had last time. Something just isn't natural about it. You having been juicing up, have ya?"  
"I was wondering if you figured out my secret," Simon chuckled "but to tell the truth, you are right some of my powers are augmented. In case the Guild didn't tell you, I've gotten control of one segment of The Cube of Orion."  
"Damn, do you realize just how stupid you are?" Kairi asked in anger. "The powers of the Cube are forbidden to everyone by the Elder, especially the Guild!"   
"Ah, you & your 'rules', Taylor. Don't you realize that such power cannot be wasted. The Guild dropped the ball when they tried to seal it away. They only did it because they're not dedicated enough to unlock all of it's secrets. The only thing that they care about is writing stories & seeking out little magic artifacts. This "  
"What he talking about?" Shampoo asked Sakura.  
"Beats me. This is the first time I've ever heard of this!"  
"I was able to carry that one segment with me." Simon continued. "But, no thanks to you, when I was at the brink of death, the power immediately repaired my body. I couldn't believe the abilities I possessed. The normal fanfiction writer only has a limited effect on reality, especially with keyboards. But now I control anything within 20ft of me. My powers & Ki energy shot up to new levels beyond that of even Dr. Strange! All of my dreams can now be fulfilled."  
"Geez, talk about an adrenaline rush!" Kairi sighed. "Maybe this explains it." Sakura tapped his shoulder & asked "You mean he wasn't always like this?" Kairi nodded, explaining "Yeah, Simon wasn't always a hell bent sociopath. He was kinda mellow. Curious, and observant, but not up to the point where he did what he did. Jono had guessed something messed with his mind."  
"However Taylor, your life doesn't have to end here. I could use a couple of enforcers in my new regime. Why don't you all join me? You'll have unlimited power at your control. Planets would be at your mercy. All you have to do is leave me with Sasami & Hideo. Just swear allegiance to me & it's all yours."  
A fierce wind howled as Kairi stood, gazing at Simon. Then, letting out a long sigh, Kairi got into his fighting stance, left arm in front, right to his side.   
"C'mon. Let's finish this feud while we're young!"

"Wow, that's a huge ship." Jubilee remarked as the 'Shine-Tsu-Hiko' came into full view on Ryo-Oh-Ki's screens. "Any idea who's behind all this?"  
"I definitely know that ship," Ryoko explained "so that takes care of one mystery. It's owned by a gang of space pirates called the Typhoon Slashers. Corny as hell, but they were a real nasty crew. Kiyone & Mihoshi received a report almost a month ago. These pirates, along with some Skrulls, were killed by an unknown entity. The GP registered that the power released at the time was almost a A-1 class criminal."  
"So, this could be a problem." Jubilee concluded "unless we sneak onboard that ship & do some damage from inside."  
"Good idea." Ryoko agreed. "I spotted a small emergency hatch that we can sneak into."  
"I'd still like to know what the hell is this all about though." Jubilee huffed. "I hardly know anyone with that kind of power."

"Geez, why me? Of all people, why does he have to have such a fixation on me?" Kairi muttered to himself.  
The battle with Simon was going nowhere at all. Every fist that he tried to hit Simon with missed as Simon dodged them with relative ease & every kick was parried away. Simon didn't fight back for 1 second, with puzzled Kairi. "What's the matter Taylor? You've gotten slow. Maybe you should train more." Simon taunted.  
"Shut up & fight!" Kairi growled as he went for a leg sweep. As Simon jumped, Kairi immediately dashed forward & attacked with two quick strikes, a backhand & a swift right uppercut to the abdomen. Unfortunately, what happened next shocked Kairi. Simon easily caught Kairi's backhand. The uppercut had gone right through his body as if he were vapor.  
"What the hell...That's impossible!" Sakura yelled.  
"Ah, don't be surprised," Simon commented "since I can alter & bend reality to my will, so changing my physical state is merely child's play. Of course, that still doesn't mean I can't hurt you Taylor!" With that, Simon swiftly buried his knee to Kairi's abs. The writer gritted his teeth as Shampoo yelled "No fair! Simon cheat!"  
"I am not cheating. I am fighting him with all of my best abilities, just like he'd expect me to."  
As Kairi steadied himself, Simon quickly gave him a right cross in the jaw followed by a left. "Even you have your limits Kairi. Your infamous pain threshold can't withstand my power." Kairi looked up at Simon, blood now dripping from the left side of his mouth. As he tried to focus his vision, Simon gave him a left hook that hit him in his temple. Immediately, Kairi lashed out with a swift right hook, but Simon disappeared & quickly reappeared at Kairi's left side. "C'mon, don't give up Taylor," Simon said "even though the deaths of all those you hold dear to you will most certainly haunt you for the rest of eternity!"  
"If I am gonna die, you could at least do me a favor & lay off the drama queen taunts." Kairi replied, vainly struggling to keep his rapidly depleting cool. Quickly Simon gave Kairi an open palm thrust into his kidney. Fighting back the rush of pain, Kairi turned & tried a swift roundhouse, but Simon teleported again, this time to Kairi's right. "You know, your agony really gives me great pleasure," Simon whispered "so I can only imagine the sheer agony you'll be in the spirit realm as you see me ravish Sasami's body over & over & over again."  
At this point, Kairi's anger finally overtook all of his emotions as he turned & swung savagely at Simon. Simon smiled devilishly as he sidestepped & proceeded to rapidly punch & kick him in the face & chest. When he has done, Kairi stood a bit off balance, his right eye closed shut, spitting up a little blood. "Heh, you've got a bit more stamina left," Simon smiled "so I guess I have to punish you a little more." Simon thrust out his palm at the same time as Kairi lifted his arms in defense. A shockwave boomed out, pushing the writer back a few inches. However Kairi's breathing was becoming heavy & his legs looked wobbly. "Heh, you're almost done Taylor." Simon dashed in & swiftly gave him a roundhouse to the head then somersaulted over him & landed a few feet away. Kairi felt blood drip from a cut in his forehead. "It's too bad that you won't last for too long, Taylor. I rather enjoy punishing you & placing your body in extreme hell." He drew out his short sword as it glowed & crackled with green energy. "Now this is the part where I slowly kill you."  
"Stop this you bastard!" Sakura yelled out. "There's no need to do this!"  
"Oh, but I beg to differ."  
Simon swung his sword from side to side in front of him & a huge wave of green energy shot at Kairi. Kairi raised his arms in front of him, but to no avail. The green blast slammed into him, hurling his body across the field into he hit a tree. Kairi slowly slumped down to the ground, unconscious. Simon raised a finger & a small speck of light shot out & hit Kairi in his head. "Simon leave Kairi alone! You already beat him!" Shampoo growled.  
"No, I'm not done just yet!" Simon smiled. I'm just giving him something to think about."

The second in command of Simon's henchmen, Echigoya, looked on the view screen from the captain's chair as the other 3 workers as the controls monitored the battle. "Sir, it looks like our men are having some difficulty at the Tendo Dojo." The head worker reported. "Should we send in more troops?"  
Nodding, Echigoya answered "Do what is necessary. Remember that our prime objective is to capture the princess Sasami & burn all of Nerima to the ground. Send the next squad in."  
"I think you'll find that they're unavailable at the moment." a voice from behind lowly growled. Echigoya turned to be greeted by an energy sword as his throat as Ryoko said "Don't make any sudden moves, or eating without a throat will become the least of your problems."  
As the other workers turned to look, Jubilee quickly came from above & knocked two of them out. She grabbed the third & put his head in between her hands. "Did you know that I can use my powers to heat up the molecules in your brain & make them explode? So you better start talking fast."  
"Who's your leader?" Ryoko asked. "Simon Raven!" Echigoya quickly answered. "We know nothing about the guy, honest! He just hired us as his personal army!"  
"That bastard's still alive?" Jubilee spat out.  
"I guessed as much. Who else would go after Sasami?" Ryoko replied.  
"I just gotta ask two questions. One, why does this guy try to get with a girl merged with a goddess & two, does he know just how badly Tenchi can kick his ass?" Jubilee asked. "Most likely he doesn't care. But right know we gotta track him down & stop him." Ryoko said, looking at all the monitors. "But we'll have to hurry."  
"Right. Alright you, where's he at, that is if you don't want your brain to be cerebral gumbo!" Jubilee said, sparks coming out from her fingertips.

"Oh damn...son of a bitch hits like a friggin ape on steroids." Kairi said to himself. He was unconscious, there was no doubt about it. There are ways of telling when one is in a dream state. You're breathing is unnoticeably calm for one. You have more clarity, less thoughts plague you. But even in the depths of his very troubled mind, he was in pain.  
His whole body was racked in agony, particularly his ribs & head. The eyesight in his right eye was anything but steady at the moment. Of course, the blood in it didn't help. No matter how he tried to move, he couldn't get himself up. Slowly however, his was becoming aware of the area. "Wait a second...am I up against a wall?" Kairi's fingers tapped against a hard surface behind him. There was definitely a wall. As he regained his sight in the good eye he had, Kairi groaned to himself in sadness.  
The room he apparently found himself in was empty, save for him & the body that hung from the wall. It was a young man, with short brown hair. His arms were crossed over his chest a huge wooden stake was driven through his body. Blood was seeping out on the floor as Kairi noticed above the body was words scrawled in crimson red: "He Lived As A Puppet & Died A Fools Death" This was something he was being forced to remember, a part of his experiences he never cared to talk about, save with the telepaths.  
"I take it you never cared for my taste in decoration." Kairi shifted his gaze to Simon, who had his hands wrapped around what appeared to be Sasami. "Oh, but what do you know? I guess you somehow figured out it was me who killed Kevin that day. Yes, oh yes, it was me that left you that gift! He couldn't leave well enough alone; he was going to try to tell you of my plans for Sasami. But I put an end to his life. A shame really, he died a much quicker death than you will. I SO wanted to witness his agony. Well, I'll leave you here with Kevin. Me & Sasami are going to make a lot of babies." As Simon & Sasami faded from view, Kairi struggled to get up, muttering "Hey, you bastard! Stop with the head games & fight me!" But Kairi only managed to rise a few feet before slumping down, the pain overtaking. As he shut his eyes in rage, he felt raindrops on his head. The scene shifted to a rooftop. The whole place was in black & white, except for the rainfall, which was blood red. Kairi saw two people standing at the edge, holding umbrellas. It was Jono & himself.  
:Hey mate, are you gonna be ok: Jono asked.  
"Jono...I killed someone today. I don't even feel any remorse for what I did." Kairi said somberly. "I had made a promise to a friend of mine a while ago & I broke it. It's not something I'm proud of."  
:You didn't know it would happen.: Jono assured him. "You meant to capture him, but he was at the edge of the roof after all. Besides, if you ask me, I think that's how God works. Think about it, maybe some things happen because they needed to. Perhaps it was his day to die.:  
"I wish I could follow that kinda logic." Kairi responded bitterly. "But still...look, I've gotta talk to her. She's the only one I wanna see right now. The police & The Guild are on the way, so…"  
:I understand mate. Go on, I'll handle the clean up.:  
Kairi shut his eyes slowly, saying to himself "Man, what the hell went wrong that day?" As he let out a long breath, he felt himself floating. He opened his eyes to find himself floating in white space. A moment later, he was laid on a filed of nothing but grass & a table with a pair of chairs. In one of the chairs sat Aeris, the spirit that currently inhabited his body. Sure, it was weird sharing a physical vessel with a female spirit, especially when she could read any & all thoughts he had, but the girl had incredible insight. "Hey, we need to talk." Aeris smiled sweetly. "Sit down."  
Suddenly noticing that there was no pain in his body anymore, Kairi stood & sat at the table. "So...I guess I'm not dead quite yet."  
"No, but Simon put you to sleep for a bit." Aeris explained. "Looks like he really did a number on you."  
"Yeah, & I can't believe that I lost." Kairi said. "He had me outclassed in every way & I couldn't do nothing. Now he's going after Sasami & my son. I've got nothin' I can think of. Sheesh, I thought writer's block was a pain"  
"That's where you're wrong." Aeris interrupted. "Simon only seems stronger because of the powers that he stole. It's an artificial power at best. I think you still have more than enough at your disposal to beat him, you just have a habit of forgetting these things. You should still have more than enough to get him." Aeris sighed to herself. The problem with Kairi, aside from having a mind that was as random as a joker in a pack of tarot cards, was his ability to easily lose confidence in a difficult situation.  
"Are you serious? The bastard just gave me the smack down of all smack downs."  
"I know, but that's because he's been playing with your mind. See, you've gotten a habit of actually listening to his taunts and it's making you lose focus. As long as you lose focus, you'll lose the fight. You have been training for much longer than he knows. The Cube segment he has only raised his abilities up to a certain point, but he didn't think of expanding it any further. You have some abilities to counter act his, but you're gonna need to remember how to use them. Trust me, don't give up now, because you still have a promise to the others & me to keep. Just go & take care of him." Aeris sipped her tea. She had shared the same mind & body for quite awhile. The key to getting him to actually try harder was to remind him to stick with whatever he was doing right. As it stood his confidence was not completely sapped from him. Kairi carefully regarded her words. Had he anything that could get to Simon? He tapped his toes impatiently, screaming in his mind _C'mon you dumbass think! Simon is able to phase his entire body in and out of our plane of existence. There has to be a counter spell, a technique…yes, there is. I'm so stupid, why it's the very first one I ever learned! _He clapped his hands with autority, a gleam in his eye. "Ah, I take it my words finally knocked something lose in your head" Aeris  
"You're right, there is something I can do." Kairi said, looking at his fists as they clenched. "I owe him. But can you help me out, I'm a bit tapped out."   
"No problem!" Aeris smiled "Just give me your hand." Aeris smiled. Kairi raised an eyebrow. "Look, we've known each other for awhile & I know we've both had to deal with certain 'thoughts' that my mind can't seem to control, but…" Aeris laughed & replied "Oh don't even go there. Just relax." Opening his right hand, Kairi watched as Aeris took out a pen & drew a few symbols on it. The symbol glowed orange as she finished & a few seconds later, next to Kairi appeared a man in a cloak draped with a hood. His face was obscured from the light, but there was a glowing set of red eyes visible. The man turned his head to the two & said "Hmm, I've seem to have had a odd dream. But looking at you two, I think otherwise." Aeris nodded & said "I'm afraid we're gonna need your help. This is the one you are sharing the bond with now." The man looked at Kairi & nodded, remarking "Quite remarkable. I've never known a human to be able to adapt so quickly to two different schools of magic. Well, I suppose I can lend you a hand. Mind you, I don't think in your current state your body can handle my own power, but I believe both of us can quickly boost up yours. Let's get started, uh…what is your name again?"

Angelo & Yuffie stood back to back on the roof of the dojo as three more ninjas surrounded them. "It's times like this," Angelo muttered "when I REALLY WISH that I had a sawed off! Got any ideas, chica?"  
"Not really," she replied "but I got a couple of smoke bombs we can use. You thinking what I'm thinking?"  
"Read you loud & clear!" Angelo grinned. Yuffie quickly tossed three smoke bombs into the air. Using his fingers like a whip, Angelo snapped at them & launched them into the ninja's faces. As they were hit, Angelo left the roof & Yuffie raised her Conformer weapon. Her voice boomed "ALL CREATION!" as a beam of pure purple energy launched the ninjas off the roof into a nearby house.  
"And just exactly WHY is Kairi not going out with her?" Angelo said.  
As he watched the events unfold, Monet ran up to him & asked "Where exactly did Jubilee go?"  
"I don't know. She took off with Ryoko on Ryo-Oh-Ki a long time ago." Yuffie answered.

Sakura & Shampoo got into their fighting stances as they faced Simon. "I really don't have time to waste on you two," Simon grinned "but I suppose I could use another warm-up."  
"You not get past Shampoo so easily." Shampoo said as she held out her bonbari. "Simon pay for hurting Kairi."  
"I think I'd rather fight Geese Howard." Sakura said. "So, what do you think, Shampoo? Two of us against him enough?"  
"More than enough!"  
"I'm almost touched." Simon replied "Oh well, let me dispose of you two. Kairi needs the company in the afterlife."  
"I ain't dead yet, douche bag!" Everybody turned to see Kairi rise from where he was lying, wiping the blood off of his jaw, looking at his torn up shirt. "You know, this was my favorite shirt too." Kairi said.  
"Hmm, still alive I see." Simon said as a gleam of malice overtook his eyes. "I guess I get to continue your physical torture. You must really have a thing for agony"  
"Not quite. Now, if you don't mind, I'll take my weapon back." Immediately, the staff shot out of Kairi's reach & back to Kairi. "What, but how?" Simon growled in astonishment.  
"Let's start all the way from the top." Kairi said, rotating his right arm as we walked towards Simon, taking off his fighting gloves. "Very well." Simon replied. "Try to hit me." Simon grinned as Kairi threw a backhand punch. But the grin soon turned into a look of shock as Kairi's fist connected with his face. Kairi immediately followed it with a spinning roundhouse to his jaw. As Simon staggered back, Kairi said "I guess I should tell you that I'm canceling out your reality shifting powers with my own magic. There's a spell that nullifies the ability to phase your body out & keep it within our dimensions & all I had to do was focus my mind. How the hell I ever forgot something like that is weird if you ask me, but I have it. So you won't be able to save yourself from this!" Kairi grabbed Simon by the shoulders & gave him several rapid knee strikes into the gut, followed by a stiff elbow strike into the chest. As Simon coughed up blood, he muttered "So, you've gotten that second wind...too bad it won't save your life!"  
"Keep dreaming, birdman." Kairi replied. As Kairi threw a straight left, Simon quickly teleported. However, as soon as he appeared behind Kairi, Kairi blocked the open palm thrust & teleported himself. "Huh, where are you, Taylor?"  
"Right behind you." Simon glanced his left shoulder to see Kairi standing behind him with his back turned to him. "So, what do you think? Doesn't this little situation kinda mirror what happened between Goku & Frieza?" Kairi laughed. "Of course, we don't have the ability to blow up planets, go one fighting for 10 episodes or turn our hair yellow, but it is a funny thing to allude to? What do you think?"  
"I am not someone to toy with!" Simon snarled as he turned around, but Kairi teleported again, screaming "Over here, idiot!" He smashed his fist into the side of Simon's face, followed by an uppercut that sent Simon reeling. Simon quickly picked himself up & dashed at Kairi with a right hook. Kairi immediately ducked, gave Simon two quick palm thrusts to the stomach & kicked him upwards, than jumped & spun three times in the air, kicking Simon in the gut. As they both landed on the ground, Kairi crossed his arms, relieved that he actually was having an advantage. "I don't care how powerful you are, Taylor!" Simon yelled. "There is no way in hell an inferior hack comic like you can beat me!" As Simon tried to dash in again, he was hit several times in the face & chest by an unseen force. A few seconds later, Kairi appeared in front of him, in his fighting stance. "Hack? Me? Nah, I just like puns, is all."  
"What Kairi do?" Shampoo asked.  
"It's amazing," Sakura said as she pointed at the ground. "He created a copy of himself & attacked Simon so fast, I only saw his shadow move."  
"That's how I got the nickname 'Shadow Sage'," Kairi told Simon. "Not only do I use stealth, but I can see things that others can't. And I got nifty little tricks like that up the wazoo. I ought to look into being a secret agent or something. Hell, Solid Snake & Sam Fisher make it look interesting. If you can ignore the killing, that is"  
"What is this shit?" Simon growled. "I'm supposed to be stronger than you. I'm the ultimate power in this universe!" To Simon's lack of surprise, Kairi laughed at the comment. "Oh please, like you have all the answers. Don't try to get humble with me. \even you have a bit of an ego, but admit it. Without writers, this universe would cave in on itself. Why should we have to humble ourselves before some beings just because they fancy themselves to be some sort of super being. They've spent so much time squabbling amongst one another, they've relied on us to plan their next move. These subjects of ours don't realize just how much influence we have on this universe. The day of that merger, a great opportunity has been presented before us. I alone can see what needs to be done! I will be the one to bring true order & peace over all."  
"Honestly, dude, let it go. We aren't in the same class as Jubilee & the others. Ok, yeah, I noticed we can duplicate some of there stuff. And yeah, we seem to have some sort of influence over reality, but still, it's not a license to go try to conquer everything in sight. Kinda feel sorry about what you've become though, but I suppose that's how fate is. But ain't it funny? I'm not as strong as them, but I am more than enough to whip your ass." Kairi scratched the back of his head & said "C'mon, let's just stop this while we can. I'll take you to see Washu & she can undo the damage that's been done to your brain. Unless you seriously think you can take me in a fight."  
"Heh! Well, let's see if your Ki is as strong as mine!" Simon yelled. Taking out his sword, Simon launched another green wave of energy. Keeping his stance steady, Kairi prepared himself & at the last second punched the energy away into the sky. Of course, it hurt like hell to do that, but Kairi made it a point not to make it that obvious."Ok, my turn. Jubilee & Ranma helped me create this one!" Kairi said. Cupping his hands to the side, an orange battle aura glowed around him. Thrusting out his palms, side by side, he squalled "KITSUNE-KEN!" launching a round, orange blast of energy at Simon, knocking him backwards a few feet. Seething with anger, Simon held out his sword. "Damn you Taylor! I HATE YOU! I'LL STRIKE YOU DOWN! YOU ARE NOTHING MORE THAN A MERE TWO BIT WRITER!"  
"Get a grip man. You wanna settle this with swords, ok, ok, cool with that. But really, you should just walk away from this, we can help you. And just so you know, I am far from 'just' a mere writer." Kairi drew the sword from his staff & held it to his side, intently staring down Simon. Then, both of them rushed as each other, swords raised. As they closed in, Kairi let out a battle cry, ducked & swung his sword in a wide arc & thrust it towards the back of him. A few seconds later, the Simon that was in front of him disappeared as the real Simon that was behind him reappeared with Kairi's sword buried in his chest. "That's for Kevin." Kairi solemnly said. "I don't like killing anyone, but I guess I couldn't avoid this one."  
"But...how..." Simon whispered as he felt life leaving him. "I already told you. Your reality-altering powers don't work when I have my magic activated. I saw you teleport when we were running at each other." Kairi explained. The short sword that Simon had broke in two as Simon said "This...will never end...with my...death..." Then, Simon's body disintegrated as Kairi let out a long sigh. "I can't even train without someone coming to get me. I'm pretty sure this would be one of those dark episodes in an anime series or something." Shampoo & Sakura rushed over to Kairi.  
"Aiya! Kairi do so well!" Shampoo beamed. Sakura patted him on the shoulder as she said "That was pretty good rookie. I thought for sure he hurt you pretty badly."  
"You're right, he did. My ribs sting like hell & my head feels like it was in a vice grip." As he sheathed the sword, a large red spaceship loomed overhead. "Um, are you expecting any company?" Sakura warily asked. "No, but if you give me a couple of minutes I know this really sweet Bolt spell that can do some major damage." Kairi replied.  
"Shampoo wonder what else go wrong today."  
"Hey down there, you three ok?" The voice was Jubilee's as the spaceship came to a stop. "Jubes, what the hell are you doing on a spaceship?" Kairi yelled out. "And for that matter, just how much collateral damage will I have to deal with?" Jubilee's voice assumed an highly annoyed tone "Ha hah ha, real funny smart ass! We're coming down."

"It was indeed a glorious battle, was it not my compatriots?" Kuno proudly boasted as the gang of ninjas was led away by the local police. Ev sat with Monet in his arms as Monet said coyly "Indeed & I am so proud of my brave warrior! You looked absolutely sexy today!" as she proceeded to kiss him.  
"I think I'm gonna hurl." Angelo muttered as he sat down nearby with Tenchi & Kiyone.  
"I think they make a cute couple," Kiyone giggled "even in the wake of the most disastrous wedding I've ever been to."  
"Tell me about it," Tenchi said. "I haven't seen so many fights since that bar fight in NY."  
Ev laughed & said "Yeah, I know what you mean. It was funny seeing Angelo & Jono beating up guys left & right. But then when Kuno got involved--"  
"Yes, a virtual brouhaha indeed," Kuno agreed "but it was nothing the four of us couldn't handle. Well, I think I'll go home & eat dinner. By the way, before I forget to tell you, Jubilee just contacted me. Kairi is at Dr. Tofu's clinic being treated for some injuries. Perhaps we should stop by to see him."  
"Kairi? At Dr. Tofu's?" Ev asked puzzled. "It may have something to do with our attackers." Monet concluded.  
"Yeah, it does." Kiyone added. "I just got a message from Ryoko. It seems that Kairi was just in a battle with Simon Raven."  
"Simon Raven? Not him again!" Tenchi groaned." You'd think the Guild could at least make sure these loons are locked up tighter."  
"Well, we won't have to worry. Kairi killed him." Kiyone replied.  
"OK, let's go see him," Ev said "& find out what happened."  
"Yeah, the gringo's probably dying to hear all about our disaster!" Angelo added. 

"Are you serious? They called off the wedding AGAIN?" Sakura asked as she & Jubilee entered Dr. Tofu's. "Totally," Jubilee explained " 'cause Ranma & Akane figured it was too soon to get married, so they decided to wait until they were in college before they did anything else. Well, that & the fact that those damn Kunos would get in the way again."  
"Most definitely." Sakura agreed. "But another thing--what's this Cube of Orion that Simon was talking about? I never knew about it."  
"As far as I remember," Jubilee recalled "it's this artifact the Guild found awhile back on some dead planet. No one knew what to do about it, so we contacted the Elder and he said to lock it up until we can find some more clues. Guess they'll keep a close eye on it now." Jubilee took out a pack of gum & Sakura remarked "I see. Funny how the Elder always knows what's best." Jubilee nodded, adding "Right, but I've never met the guy. We always contacted via computer, but aside from Xavier & Washu, none of the writers have ever seen the Elder up close." Sakura rubbed her chin in thought. "A good call. Dying' to know myself about him."  
As they walked into the office, Ranma & Kairi, whose forehead was bandaged up, greeted them. "Wow, you ok?" Jubilee asked. "He'll be fine," Ranma assured her "he's only got a few bruised rips & a mild concussion, so he'll be taking it easy for a few days."  
"But I still can't believe what happened with you guys today." Kairi smiled "NINJAS? Do they offer their services to everyone, or are trolls & orcs reserved for fantasy worlds?"  
"Yeah. Well might as well breath a bit easier. I am totally not ready to settle down with that crazy tomboy just yet."

20 minutes later...

"I TOLD you that Akane was right behind you, but would you listen?" Jubilee said as Dr. Tofu continued to bandage Ranma's forearms.  
"I'd still like to know where she gets those mallets." Ranma grumbled. Kairi put his hands over his head as he said "Well, so much for Raven. My second biggest migraine's gone."  
"Really? What's your first?" Sakura asked.  
"In five seconds, you'll find out."  
4.5 seconds later, Yuffie burst into the room. "Kairi, I heard everything that happened to you! Are you hurt? Come here!" At that point she hugged him. Tightly. Across his bandaged ribs.  
"Cover your ears." Sakura said to Jubilee & Ranma.

As Ukyo & Monet walked to the clinic, Monet asked "I wonder how Kairi is doing?"  
"Well, he was holding up alright last time I saw him. That is, unless Yuffie didn't already get to him." Ukyo said. At that second, a loud piercing scream of pain shattered the peace of the night.  
"Well, that was short lived." Monet sighed.

Epilogue-One Year Later:  
---------------------------------------------------------------------- 

Kairi kneeled in silent prayer at the grave of Everett. He was away at the time of the blast that took his friend's life. The initial shock was lingering as everyone did what he or she could to adjust after the loss. Many things had changed over that time. The academy had closed its doors to public students. Paige broke up with Rat Fink---er I mean Weasel Boy---oops I mean Tristan. Mousse & & Mihoshi had also broke up & Mousse had decided to travel the world on his own.  
As Kairi rose, he saw that Monet stood behind him, with a rose & a pair of green goggles. "You've been here every weekend for the past five months." Monet said "You don't really need to do this to yourself."  
"Yeah, I know." Kairi said "I kinda like coming here though, telling him the crazy stuff he's missing out on. It's surreal that he's no longer here, you know?" Noticing that a tiny tear had silently rolled from his eye as well as Monet's, he said "But I'm not alone in that rationalization, am I?"  
"Yes, I miss him too." Monet said, patting him on the shoulder. "But I think he'd want you to have these goggles. Even though you heckled him mercilessly about them."  
"I did, didn't I? Man, I made some real stinging puns about those damn things."  
"Well, you do have your son to cheer you up. He's become so cute. But why in heaven's name did his first words become 'Angelo No Baka'?" (Authors Note: YES YES YES! It is good to rip on poor Angelo!)  
"Gee, I wonder." Kairi laughed nervously as he mumbled "Must have picked it up from his mom. Anyway, we gotta get to the Guild. Marvel just sent an important message today."  
"Did they say what it was?" Monet asked. "I dunno. It's about Marvel's future plans with your comic, that's all I know." Monet frowned. Nothing good ever came out of hearing anything involved with Marvel editors.

To Be Concluded in:  
No Need For Farewells  
(Or, The End)

Next: A story finale told in 6 or 7 parts, depending on how much time is not wasted on SNES RPGs.


	8. No Need For Farewells Or, The End Prelud...

No Need For Farewells (Or The End)

By Kairi 'Shadow Sage' Taylor

Disclaimer: All the characters herein are copyright of their respective owners, who you should know by now if you even read the series! 

Prelude: Way Down The Line

2006

Jubilee walked down the streets to the academy, lost in thought. It had been days since she had heard from her mentor Logan since he had left with some of the other X-Men for a secret mission in Madrid. On top of that, she had a huge math exam to worry about & she still hadn't decided whether or not she would join a sorority. "Man, never thought that college would seem so jumbled together all the time." She laughed to herself. As she arrived at the gates to the once active academy, she saw her fiancée, Ryoga, playing with little H.C. on the front lawn. Opening the gates, she yelled, "Hey lover, what's going on?"

"Hey there yourself, beautiful." Ryoga smiled as he waved at her. Unfortunately, Ryoga was not paying attention to H.C. after he pitched her the ball. H.C. swung the bat in her hands & smacked the ball.

Hard.

Right into Ryoga's you-know-what!

"Oh my gosh, I'm SO SORRY Mr. Ryoga!" H.C. blushed as Ryoga staggered back up to his feet. "It's ok." Ryoga smiled weakly. "I've been hit there plenty of times to get used to it. So, how was school today." 

"Ah, you know, same old same old." Jubilee informed him. "The science lesson was total cake & I aced the pilot's test."

Ryoga gave thumbs up & said, "I told you you'd get the hang of it."

"Thanks." Jubilee said as she kissed him on the lips. H.C. made a hacking sound & said "Ack! I can't stand that yucky kissy crud!"

"You shouldn't talk, especially when you know you're gonna marry Hideo one day." Jubilee glibly remarked.

"I am NOT!" H.C. huffed. "He's a boy! Boys are clods!"

"Yeah, sure." Ryoga smiled.

Inside the academy, Paige & Monet sat at the table, eating Paige's attempt at meatloaf. "Not bad," Monet remarked, "but it's something I wouldn't try serving for dinner tonight."

"Aren't you tired of always having Mr. Cassidy always making dinner for everyone?" Paige asked. "I mean, aside from yourself, there isn't a decent cook in this house."

"Well, I don't exactly find that I should always be the one to be relegated to cook. But I do have the best abilities in culinary preparation…"

"Yeah, yeah, ok!"

"You just hate it when I drone on like that, don't you?"

"Do tell. So, how is your role as diplomat to Jurai going?"

"Very well actually. But those jumps to hyperspace leave something to be desired. At least I get to see Angelo once in a while. I never figured he'd be the first one in our troupe of heroes to be married."

"Actually, with all the things Kairi's ever done to him, I'm surprised he's still walking." Paige said. As they giggled at their revelation, Emma entered the room, wearing a black business suit. "Paige, you have a guest." She said to her. "He arrived just as I was about to attend a business meeting, so I'm afraid I can't stay to talk with him." Emma stepped back & Jonothon entered the room, wearing a black trench coat & a white shirt, a purple hood where his neck & mouth should be. : Hello, luv. Long time no see: Jono said.

"Oh my gosh, you're back!" Paige smiled as she hugged her former boyfriend. "This is such an unexpected surprise!"

"Then you won't mind this surprise." 

"Wait a sec…Jono did you just---" Jonothon pulled back the hood from his face. What once was a huge gaping hole where his psionic powers burned brightly was his lower face & chest. He had no signs of scar tissue on him anywhere."

"Jono…how did this come to pass?" Monet asked, mystified.

"It's a long story. Who wants some soda?"

Tenchi stood at the front of his home with his grandfather Yosho, watching as the small ship landed at the lake near his house. A few minutes later, a small bridge came out from the ship & connected it to the mainland. A door slowly opened & out in the open came Angelo, wearing a neatly pressed Hawaiian shirt & shorts. He had a short beard on. As he stepped on land & greeted Tenchi, he smiled & said "Yo, T-Man, how the hell are you?"

"Just doing great." Tenchi answered. "I hear from Mihoshi that you're doing great things in Jurai!"

"Oh, you know, just messin' around with engines & stuff, nothin' too much to fuss over. So, you ever choose between the girls or are you as wishy washy as ever?"

"Let's not open that can of worms." Yosho said in response. "By the way, who is that lovely young lady?"

"I would be known as his wife." A young girl dressed in similar clothes to Ayeka stepped off the spaceship, carrying a small child with her. "Pleased to meet you Lord Yosho. I am Fuyaka, Angelo's wife."

"I can't believe it, you really are a married man!" Tenchi smiled. 

"Yeah, can't believe it myself." Angelo replied. "Anyway, this here is…"

"Miyuki." Yosho said.

"Yes, how did you—" Fuyaka stopped in mid sentence as Yosho raised his hand, saying "A rather long & interesting story."

"Ah, so our guests have arrived." Washu stepped out of the house, closely followed by Hideo, whom had long purple hair tied in a ponytail. "Good to see you Angelo. I trust your studies are going well."

"Totally. Hey little dude!" Angelo said to Hideo, waving his hand. "How are you doing? And where's your pops?"

"I'm cool." Hideo replied. "Dad's coming back to Earth today!"

"Oh, that father of yours! Every year he goes on one of his weekly expeditions & fails to notify me when he returns."

"That's because you said you wanted one more sample from him." Tenchi reminded her. "I don't think any of us will forget the 'Onsen Incident' anytime soon."

"I meant to ask you Angelo, who is this Kairi you always seem to talk about. Especially every time you get in cold water?"

"A guy I haven't seen for quite awhile."

Ukyo looked glumly out the window as the rain lightly poured. Ranma & Akane couldn't stop by for lunch since they needed to help a town fight off bandits. Her business partner Kasumi had stepped out to run a quick errand & she was alone at the moment in the restaurant. Konatsu was off visiting a sick relative, so she did most of the work on her own. She sighed, thinking about her rotten luck dating, wondering where all the nice guys in Nerima have gone. Turning her back to tend to a bag of flour, she heard the door open & said "I'll be ready in just a minute."

"That's ok, I have all the time in the world. So, do you still serve the beef okonomiyaki special here?"

Ukyo quickly turned to see Kairi standing behind her at the counter, holding a book bag in his hands, smiling from ear to ear. He was wearing a black trench coat a held a small blue umbrella. The new Yankees cap he wore was taken off his head as he sat down. "You look like you've seen a ghost." he said.

"So what's been going on?" Ukyo asked as they drank their second cups of tea. "Well, I finally got out of the Army's service," Kairi explained, "so now the _Shine-Tsu-Hiko_ officially belongs to me. But I kinda liked going on those little expeditions with my own army crew."

"So I hear," Ukyo replied. "Well, I guess you know Jubes finally got engaged. I never thought Ryoga would ever find another girl after Akane & Akari. Hell, I can't believe I got over Ranchan! So, any other reason you came by besides celebrating your discharge?"

"Yeah. I came by to…well…this is so embarrassing!"

"This is about that promise you made in 2001, right?"

"Oh yeah."

Jubilee: Time fades, people grow & stories will eventually come to conclusions.. We'd like to thank you for reading our adventures as this series comes to the final stretch..

Ranma: So what was your favorite moment?

Kairi: Cooking. Definitely the cooking incidents.

Paige: But that was a disaster!

Monet: Mine was Emplate being shot in the butt!

Angelo: I liked the peeping!

Kairi: You would!

Jubilee: I liked kicking Hama's ass!

Akane: You & me both!

Yuffie: I liked the non-stop romance!

Ukyo: You mean there was romance?!

Emma: I definitely did not like being in labor.

Kuno: I loved the fearless battles! 

Monet: Am I the only one who remembered that we kinda forgot that we killed of D.O.A.?

Sasami: We hope to see you next time! 

Jubilee: Coming soon, 'No Need For Farewells, Part One-Jubilee's Choice'!

Kairi: What about my speech on continuity?


	9. Jubilee's Decision, version 2

Author's note: There are two corrections in the story: one concerning the Grrl Scouts and the other concerning a track on DDR. Otherwise, nothing else to note/

And now a word from the author...

Well, wasn't this a long wait?

After quite a bit of hesitation, we are now at the beginning of this saga's end...and quite honestly it's something I thought I'd never get around to.

I've been doing many things after I did the previous entry into the NNFH series, Wedding Day. As some people may or may not know, I've been branching out into other story ideas & continuing yet another little series of adventures from a favorite cartoon of mine, something called Inspector Gadget. And I've been hanging out with another group of maniacs from Gamefaqs. But I'll get to that in a moment.

Initially, it was going to be a huge, 30+ page opus to end the series, the kind where lots of revelations about the team's life were made. But as I thought about it, I decided that each part of the team & their friends needed their own story, something to do justice to them, resolve certain issues & answer a few questions as possible. And I wanted the Kairi character to have minimal appearance unless it was to serve a certain function (as you'll see in Monet's story soon.) Basically, it's gonna be more of a 'exploring one's life' mindset and not too much wacky comedy or over the top mindless destruction.

So, why the long delay? 

September 2001, for starters.

After that sad month, I was kinda put off about writing much of anything. I wanted the stars to kinda address the issue as best as possible, but I didn't know how. I wanted to do a story where the Gen X crew, led by Kairi, tracks down Osama bin Laden in Afghanistan & after kicking all sorts of al Quieda ass, give bin Laden the lengthy, violent ass kicking he deserved. But quite honestly, that has been done to death. Literally. And I think there are only so many things you can do in a deathmatch scenario before it gets redundant. So, after quite a bit of thinking, I decided to go for a simple approach. Just Jubilee, Ryoga & Kairi observing people in Central Park & talking briefly about Osama before getting on with the days events. Nothing too flashy, but with a hint of soapbox style talking. And the whole story takes place in NYC. That's right, all of it, including places where I frequent. It's my way of showing my pride to the city I have become tied to in many ways. 

You see, NY has a reputation. A big one. Let me take you back to my time in basic training at Ft. Benning, GA. When we initially came in, we were all asked where we came from. And the ones who said were from NYC...well, let's just say we caught a fair share of some hell on earth. We were thought of as the tough, ruthless guys in the platoon who wouldn't last too long. We proved over time that we were survivors to all of them--especially me. (I have quite a bit of stories from basic training that are quite interesting, mainly because I was initially thought of as 'the one who would quit in two weeks.') but we also proved that we were team players. One of us, from Jamaica, Queens, sung some of the best cadences in the platoon. And me? I never gave the drill sergeants any lip, I kept on pushing myself, I learned from everyone else, in short I hung in there. We all did. We disproved quite a bit of things people thought about New Yorkers. So basically we gained a hell of a lot of respect. So this story is my homage of sorts to Manhattan

Now, one other thing. There is another little storyline going on in the Gamefaqs message boards, in the Capcom Vs SNK section. This one is more concentrated on video game characters than comic book ones, but is just as silly. You'll notice that Yuffie will not make a appearance for the first three stories & there's a good reason for that...but I can't tell you yet. But it serves as a basis for separating the two series. 

But there was a little problem. In the form of a very stupid message board server.

Now, I know quite a bit of people in Gamefaqs...Onirikimaru the very funny satire master, Shingo the silly sop who is to me as Al Snow is to Mick Foley, Fat Dave the creator of the Board Brawl Hard-core Match & all around cool English Dude, Dazz Hardy & of course, Palidor, the one female NONE of us dare piss off, lest we incur the wrath of her barb wire sakabatou. (But she doesn't possess the DUCT TAPE.) Now these are people I all respect for various reasons. One of them being for enjoying (& occasionally contributing) to the madness that is my storyline. And also for sticking up for me when New Edge Sonic decided to screw with me.

Let me explain. As you know, there are certain things that I have already established in the NNFH storyline. One of them in particular is the Hideo-Hope Clarice situation. I rarely introduce NNFH characters in the GameFaqs story line, but when I do, it's to make allusions to one of the character's past. As it is, a certain villain is poised to show up in there. I also encourage people to read the NNFH storyline, so they can understand the references. Now, this person, New Edge Sonic...I'm gonna be blunt, if there is anything nice I can say right now, it would take up about 5% of this page I'm typing. New Edge Sonic is hard to classify. His character is part hedgehog, part human.

No, that was not a misprint. Yes, that's how he describes himself.

His character is married to Lilith, the succubus from Darkstalkers with a debatable age. They had a kid named Jetta.

_Note to potential writers: bestiality is NOT a good means of entertainment._

You know, when I had Kairi fall into a Jusenkyo spring, I had the presence of mind not to drive it in the ground.

The whole Jetta fiasco had started back in the 'Super Shoto Bros.' storyline that DForce did. He had a little side story where Andy was running away from Mai, who was 'in the mood' so to speak. I loved DForce's story, especially that part. A couple of us kinda elaborated on that side story with our own inane ramblings, especially me, out of pure fun (& because some of the material some of us came up with was pure comedy, especially the Mareep incident.) However, N.E.S. and his posts...if I had bothered to save that story & showed you some of his, _colorful,_ commentary, you'd reach for the bottle of Jack Daniel's in a heartbeat. At least I showed some self control!

Unfortunately, that's not where the story ends. N.E.S. took that aspect of being just overall creepy & ran with it. After the 'Jetta' story, which somehow involved my character, there was another one set in Las Vegas...which involved me. 

I don't mind being in a story, but for the love of God, please let it be a good TASTEFUL one. No wonder Fanfiction.Net discontinued celebrity stories. I guess now I know how Spears feels.

Anyway, fast forward a bit. We usually have two types of social topics in the Capcom Vs SNK social board: a board brawl & a beer topic. Something to fool around in when we're not doing our stories or discussing about game strategy. I had introduced Hideo in the 'Tournament Saga' storyline which is still going on now. For reasons unknown, N.E.S. gets the idea of trying to set up his character's kid, Jetta with my character's son. DESPITE THE FACT that I have already established what will happen with that character & DESPITE THE FACT that I have shown in the past that when people piss me off, I become a vindictive son of a bitch.

The final straws reared their ugly hentai heads one day. I logged on to Fat Dave's community on MSN & entered the chat room. Dave & Palidor greeted me & immediately asked if I had checked out Palidor's beer & social topic. I said 'No, what's wrong?'. Palidor just told me to look at the beer topic & said it involved New Edge Sonic. I did.

I was immediately upgraded from pissed, Wolverine version to fucking pissed off, Himura Kenshin version (battousai mode.)

Apparently, he had decided, on his own to introduce Mirai Jetta (Future Jetta) who was the girlfriend of Mirai Hideo, who appeared in Palidor's topic via a time loop.

Pop quiz: What's most likely to happen:

a) I am flattered by the idea & work off of it.

b) I get ticked off & give him fair warning.

c) The very idea that NESticles decided to screw around with established canon sends me in an bloodlust induced rage & makes me kick his ass in such a way that makes the bloodletting I unleashed on Tito98310 seem like child's play.

d) Four words: It's Go Time Bitch!!!

e) Any answer that is not A.

As you can see, I was not amused. AT ALL.

After dealing with that, you'd think he would know I am not someone to screw with. But lo & behold, he did it again!! The most recent incident is on the latest entries in the Tournament Saga storyline, 'Tournament Sage: Triple Threat'. On the second page. I had to personally tell everyone to, from now on, ignore the little perverted fuck & give partial control of the story to a select group of people'

Now I know what you're thinking, why the fuck am I ranting on like this? You see, my message is this: As much as the writers should respect the audience they are delivering the story to & entertain them as best as possible, the reader should also respect the writer who's writing his ass off & give them positive, non insulting critical feedback. Not only that, fanfic writers should respect each other & **ABOVE ALL ELSE NEVER TRY TO SCREW AROUND WITH THE AUTHOR'S WORK**. Simple as that. So if you're reading this N.E.S., it's not too late to apologize you bastard!!!

Enough of that talk, you are now about to read part one of the final chapter of the 'No Need For Hama!' series. Where do I go after this? We'll discuss that in the last story....

(And watch more Kevin Smith stuff, damnit! Clerks: The Animated Series is the bomb.)  

Disclaimer: No. Generation X is copyright Marvel entertainment. (Spider Man kicks more ass than that whiny Anakin bastard!) All other characters are copyright of their respective companies (And let's see how many pop culture references you can spot.)

**April 2001**

All of Generation X gathered inside the main living room of the Fanfic Writer's Guild, awaiting the news that was to be given out that day. If there was an accurate way of describing that day, merry would not be the word to use. More akin to less than enthusiastic was a more fitting analysis.

"I don't get it, why did Marvel just fax the message over here? You'd think that some rep would come here & talk to us face to face." Jubilee growled, flopping down on the lime green bean bag chair.

"I think it has something to do with the lack of spinal cord fortitude." Monet quipped, crossing her arms. "In simple terms, most likely this 'rep' would leave this place in an ambulance truck."

"Still," Angelo said, "I would like to know what those slimy corporate weasels are up to."

"Please, Angelo, don't use the word 'weasel' around me." Paige groaned.

"Second that." Jubilee agreed.

:Here comes Kairi now.: Jono said. The door creaked open & Kairi entered, holding a file folder. On his face were a pair of brown military issue glasses. He never wore them outside of his home, so they all knew that it was a steaming pile of bad news coming their way.

"This does not bolster confidence." Monet remarked.

"Please tell me it's not what we think it is." Paige said.

"I wish. Listen, I'll get right to the point." Kairi stated. "We just got a package delivered to s by express mail & received a fax from Marvel's head wigs. The box contained copies of Gen X #75...the final issue. I think you should look at it."

Several copies made their way to the team members & for a few minutes, as they read, nary a sound could be heard, save for the flipping of pages, confused grunts & occasional profanity uttered from Angelo's lips. As they finished reading & looked at each other, Angelo summed up everything in one word.

"Shit."

"That's one of the many words the other writers used just now." Kairi replied. "Joe Quesada wasn't available since he's busy with Kevin Smith, but he did send his apologies."

"They should have asked Kevin to pull a guest stint." Paige said. "He did great work with Daredevil & Green Arrow."

:Kevin who?:

"He directed Clerks, Mallrats & Dogma." Angelo answered. "He also did this film I saw with a girl awhile back, called Chasing Amy or something."

:Oh, that guy. Didn't he have his own comic in Oni Press?:

"As far as I know, Jono & Emma get to be in New X-Men & Uncanny X-men. Well, I gotta admit, I do like the new costumes. But it's been weird lately. You should have seen Magneto's face when he was cut from the regular X-men line & regulated to Ultimate. He's become a free agent now."

"Well, at least Blink is back again." Jubilee sighed. "But what about the rest of us?"

"Guy, I don't know about you, but I'm getting as far away from Marvel as I can. This gringo's just gonna chill out in Shibuya for awhile & get his band back together."

:I'll be going to Xavier's in the fall anyway. So might as well take it easy: Jono said.

"This is so bizarre." Paige said. "Well, I guess things could have been worse. I'll go talk to Kiyone & see what she thinks."

"C'mon, don't get too discouraged." Kairi said. "We all knew it was gonna happen. But...you know, we really should make the best of what time you have left. Besides, I've been toying with some ideas for DC & anime material, so maybe getting away from Marvel is a good thing."

The door to the room opened & Harley Quinn, sans makeup, peeked her head in. "Yo, Taylor! I got a few questions about this 'bounty hunter' story we got."

"Harley Quinn?" Angelo asked.

"Paul Dini called in a favor."

**No Need For Farewells (or, The End)**

Part One: Jubilee's Decision (or, New York Rocks!)

by Kairi Taylor (who is not as overworked as he seems anymore.)

**October, 2001...**

Jubilee, Ryoga & Kairi watched as the people in Central Park passed by from their park bench. A distance away from their location, over the trees stood the American Museum of Natural History, draped with a huge American flag at the gates. The three took note of all that unfolded before them as this continued their discussion. "It still amazes me. I've never seen so much determination & pride in people's eyes before." she said.

"You were expecting something else from us?" Kairi smiled. "We grieve & survive just like everyone else. We're too stubborn for our own good sometimes."

"It feels good to see such determination to live their lives." Ryoga stated. "A vicious, self centered monster such as Osama can never take away the true value of life, no matter what those tainted beliefs he spews out say."

"Honestly though, I feel pity for those people of Afghanistan." Kairi replied. "Not just because of their wars or what those Grade A Taliban jerks have done, but what will happen now because of him."

"I just hope people won't use any of this to be ignorant jackasses." Jubilee said. "But look at Pat Robertson & Jerry Falwell."

"Eh, screw the bigots." Kairi snorted in annoyance. "They spend 99% of their free time complaining & 0% doing anything useful."

Ryoga laughed & said "Good thing you all also kept your sense of humor." 

"Dude, they pissed us off." Kairi said. "And we work better when we are pissed off anyway. But let's just forget about that sub-human! I gotta go see my son now."

"Ah, so you're getting ready for his first Halloween party?" Jubilee asked.

"Totally. Washu & I got some costumes made for us to wear. Washu is going to dress up as Haruka from 'FLCL' & Hideo wants to go as Yu-Gi-Oh."

"And you?"

"I figured I'd as Kyo from 'King of Fighters' this year."

"I got something to take care of." Ryoga said. "But I'll

meet up with you guys later. I think I'll dress up as Spike Spiegal this year."

"You do have the hair for it." Jubilee observed. "Well, I'll see you guys later. I'm heading to Times Square."

"Ok. Later then."

Jubilee walked the streets near West 40th Street, deep in thought as the people all around her went about their daily routine. With Generation X officially disbanded, Jubilee's recent options were hard to choose from . The Hollywood excursion was a complete bust & she was more the wiser, thanks to Angelo's insight. She had received an offer to work for a new organization called the X-Corps, which was based out of Europe. Sean had also received an invite. Then there was the option of staying at Xavier's academy & train to once again become an X-man. Jubilee also received an invitation from Kiyone to join the GP force with Paige. But as she remembered her conversation with Logan a while ago, she reflected on his advice about these types of decisions & how they are not made in a day.

"Jubilee?"

Jubilee turned to look into the diner where the voice had come from. At the entrance stood Monet & Akane, both carrying back packs. "Oh, hey!" Jubilee smiled. "What are you two doing here?"

"We just stopped by for a quick lunch on our excursion to Chinatown," Monet said "but what brings you to Times Square, without the company of Ryoga?"

"Deep meaningful thoughts." Jubilee answered. "You know, the usual teen crisis mumbo jumbo that they can never get right on those teen dramas."

"Oh, _that._" Monet sighed, rolling her eyes. "Trust me, it's nothing to lose sleep over."

"Easy for you to say, you're loaded." 

Sensing that yet another one of the duo's arguments was about to commence, Akane interjected herself quickly. "Why not come with us to Chinatown? We're just going to pick up a few items. I'll even show you Dance Dance Revolution."

"Ok...but what the hell's a Dance Revolution?"

"Here's the store he told us about." Monet said as the three girls turned down the corner of Mott St. & arrived at AnimeMax, a small shop with several souvenirs, cards, plants & all other assorted imports at the front. "This is where Taylor & Angelo have been getting their anime fansub tapes lately."

"I think they have both spent at least $75 on tapes alone." Jubilee said.

"And how much of Angelo's do you suppose is hentai?" Akane wondered.

"Do we even need to ask?"

Entering the store, they found a plethora of different items of all shapes & sizes to purchase, from giant Hello Kitty dolls to T-shirts to slippers & Sanrio gum. At the glass display they saw a young Spanish woman in a black leather jacket, dyed blond hair with beads talking to the clerk, a young Chinese man with glasses.

"So, you'll give me the Rurouni Kenshin set, tapes 1-17 & have it delivered to my apartment?"

"Yeah, we can do deliveries easily."

"Cool. I'll take these, plus I'll take the Gundam movie 'Char's Counterattack, this King of Fighters resin statue & this bokken. I think $380 bucks will cover all of this nicely."

"Daphne?"

Daphne looked up & beamed. "Oh Jubes! So freakin' good to see you! I haven't seen you since Mahfood's big ass party last year!"

"Yeah, what a wild one that was! What are you doing here?"

"I decided to get outta Freak City for a while. Gwen went off for this graffiti comp they got going down in L.A. & Rita is just being her extra weird self now that she's gone steady with her girlfriend."

"Ah I see."

"Hey, where's your writer buddy at? I wanna give 'im some ideas for CWJ2."

"Kairi's getting his son ready for Halloween. Akane said. "Oh yeah, I forgot that he had a kid." Daphne said, smacking her head. "So, how's he holding up? After that big fight last year, he looked like he fought with half of the Foot Clan." 

"Oh yes, his duel with Simon." Monet recalled. "He recovered faster than we expected & has become stronger than he was before. He still insists that fight was a breeze though."

"Men." Daphne sighed.

"I like this." Jubilee said, examining the Hello Kitty back pack. "Hey, remember the Hello Kitty TV show?"

"Do you mean the one they had back in the 80's? Hell yeah!" Daphne said. "They did a fairy tale every week! That's when Saturday mornings on CBS was WORTH watching!"

"Seriously! Instead of Muppet Babies or Garfield, now all kids got are those damn morning news shows!"

"As if kids didn't have enough to worry about now! And those Engel shows! Don't get me started!

"I feel like I'm stuck in a Kevin Smith movie, sans cursing." Monet remarked."

"I didn't even know American TV had Hello Kitty."  

The girls, now joined by Daphne, walked into the entrance to Chinatown Fair, which was a block away from the store. The arcade was packed with all sorts of classic & modern arcade games, from Pac-Man & Galaga up to King of Fighters 2001 & Virtua Fighter 4. The people inside were from all over NYC & mainly high school students, but an occasional adult or college student could be seen.

"Ah, there it is." Akane pointed. At the end of the area in a corner was a huge machine. It had two huge speakers on the sides & flashing neon lights all around it. Attached to it was a huge pad with 4 arrows on each side pointing up, down, left & right. "I see no one's playing it know. We're in luck."

"What the heck is this anyway?" Jubilee asked.

"You mean you've never heard of DDR?" Daphne asked in disbelief.

"I spend most of my time schooling Angelo & Jono in Street Fighter III." Jubilee explained."

"I here that."

"It's rather simple," Monet replied, "in theory at least. All you have to do is step on the arrows on screen correctly in tune with the arrows on the pad."

"Ok, now say that again, but in Common-Speech." Jubilee said in annoyance.

"To put it bluntly, dance." Monet said. "Just watch me." Monet then handed the attendant 2 singles & received 8 tokens.

"Don't tell me you're gonna try the double pad mode." Daphne said.

"Believe me, she's more than capable." Akane said.

"And just to show you how serious I am...I'm going to choose Maniac level." Monet replied in a superior tone.

"Oh damn."

"Let's see...this song will do nicely for a warm up." Monet selected a track entitled "Paranoia" & stood at the center of the pads as Daphne said "I gotta see this!"

"I take it this won't be a walk in the park." Jubilee observed. "I would have agreed with you before." Akane replied. "But Monet's real good at this & with the rate the game goes on Maniac, especially with that song..."

From that point on, no words were needed. For as soon as the song began, Monet's ability spoke for itself. The next 2 to 3 minutes of playtime produced some of the smoothest movements & footwork combined with original dance moves. Monet moved as fluid as a stream of water, her efforts mostly combined in, at her best, a 500 step combo. When the song ended, Monet lightly sighed & Jubilee stood wide eyed as she stared at Monet's on screen evaluation. "Hmm...AA. Not what I expected, but it will suffice."

"Holy crap." Jubilee uttered.

"Don't get too cocky." Daphne said. "That as great & all, but...let's see you do a REAL tough one."

"Very well, I choose...wait, on second thought, Akane, why don't you pick one?" Monet asked.

"Me? Ok." Akane stepped up & pressed a few buttons, looking through the vast list of songs. A sly grin crept onto her face as she eyed a song in particular. "I'll choose...'Lupin III '77 Remix'. And let's see if you can do it on low visibility mode."    

"Ah, an enhanced PK." Monet quipped.

"She means Player Killer." Daphne explained to Jubilee. "It's a song that goes really fast & has a lot of steps to move around to," Daphne frowned as she continued, "& with those arrows showing up only 3 seconds before she has to stomp on the correct pad, there ain't no way she can last the whole song."

Three Minutes Later...

Daphne & Jubilee stood, mouths agape, as Monet finished the last 15 steps of the song. Monet quietly drank from her water bottle as the small crowd that had gathered  around the machine started in disbelief. Akane sweatdropped as she asked Jubilee "What grade did she get?"

"Um....AAA." she answered.

"Darn, I was hoping for a higher grade."

Elsewhere, Ryoga had made his way to Midtown Comics, 2 blocks south of Times Square. As he climbed the stairs to the second floor,where the store was located, he came across Jono & Tenchi, who were standing in front of the video section. The videos were all various shows, movies & cartoons of huge variety, mainly comic book related. Jono picked up one in particular. :Now what have we here? The Turkish version of Superman?: Jono said.

"Please, don't pick that one up." Tenchi warned. "Dr. McCoy warned me about it."

:And judging by the description,: Jono observed :he had good reason to.:

"There's even worse ones like that." Tenchi pointed out "like the Star Wars rip-off. It actually uses old music from Raiders of the Lost Ark & old stock footage from the film."

:You know, I always wondered why Turkey was always portrayed in ill favor when it came to American movies. I guess that's their revenge. Oh, Hey Ryoga.:

"Hey. What are you guys doing here?"

"We're just picking up a few comics for ourselves." Tenchi explained. "We found the Gen-X movie here too."

:I'm still bummed Fox didn't give 'em enough money to feature me in it.: Jono said.

"You're a living psionic furnace Jono. They'd blow 75% of the budget on special effects."

:Good point.:

"And the actress that plays Jubilee doesn't really look like her." Tenchi continued. "But Angelo was real smug about his guy."

"Where is Angelo anyway?" Ryoga asked.

:Where else?: Jono rolled his eyes & pointed upstairs.

"Hentai section." Ryoga sighed.

"And my dad's up there with him." Tenchi said. "What brings you here?" 

"I was thinking a few things over in my head. You know, about Jubilee & stuff."

:Oh.: Jono said. :I see...:

Tenchi straightened his collar. "Well, don't ask me for any advice on that. I have enough female issues."

"Most people would probably envy you, Tenchi." Ryoga said.

"Nah, I doubt it. With half the damage that the house has already endured, it's a miracle I'm still alive. I'm gonna go & see if I can find any back issues of Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles."

Ryoga & Jono thumbed through the various issues of Usagi Yojimbo as they talked. :So, basically, you want to go steady, right?:

"Uh yeah...but you know how I am with girls & everything."

:Mate, you gotta relax. I know you're shy & all, but you & Jubilee have been doing so well together!:

"I guess..."

:Ever since you got over Akane & broke up with Akari, you've seemed so much happier with Jubes. You two have gotten along so much better than I ever did with Paige.:

"Yeah, I know, but I don't want to end up like you two did."

:I know, I know. But it was kind of my fault. I mean I was real cold to her after she returned to the academy, but that was my fault. I still had some resentment issues with my own family & I thought that somehow, after that Thanksgiving fiasco...:

"Her family would convince her to dump you?"

:Yeah, that. So I overreacted. And I've been regretting it ever since. I think maybe that's why she dated Tristian. As her way of doing to me what I did to her.:

"I think she realizes her mistake too." Ryoga said. "At least you two are talking again."

:Yeah, that's a plus. But you & Jubes? You are really hitting it off. When we started dating, Paige & I had talked a whole lot. Especially about...intimacy issues.:

"Oh. That." Ryoga blushed. "We've...already covered that territory."

:Oh, well then...wait, YOU WHAT?!!!"

Normally, for anyone else, this would be a large shout. But since Jono can only communicate telepathically with other people, all the other people in the store thought they were hearing a loud English voice in their heads & frantically tried to feign complete sanity.

:Ooops. When was this?:

"A few months ago. At the big party Kairi had."

:And how did...:

"Jubilee seduced me & dragged me into Kairi's room."

:Oh. I pity Kairi. Everyone's using his room for their trysts except him.:

"...so after we took down the BrotherHood of The Cracker AGAIN, the government stepped in. We had to make a plea bargain for our freedom. So now, instead of the usual business we had, we're now the official sellers of medicinal marijuana in Freak City." Daphne finished her tale & devoured what was left of the teriyaki chicken. The girls were now eating at Aijisen Restaurant, located next to the arcade.

"Fascinating story." Monet said. "But are you sure that the Nykee CEO is really dead?"

"Yeah, I'm positive now. Gwen's dad explained to us that since he was a full fledged demon at that point, only a really holy weapon can kill a demon. Good thing my ex-boyfriend had a priest in his family to bless the weapons for us."

"And the government? How did you manage to make a deal with them anyway?"

"That Brotherhood had it's claws in the senate. The CIA likes to keep their image clean now & we had a few needs of our own, not to mention the little prison thing hanging over our heads. So we talked and now I have my own comics store. The Grrl Scout's Clubhouse!."

"I would have picked something flasy, like Daph's Secret Stash." Jubilee said.

"Nah, some guy in Leonardo, NJ named Brodie beat me to it."

"Well, I need to use the restroom. Excuse me." Monet rose from her seat.

"I gotta go too." Akane said. The two left & headed downstairs, leaving Jubilee & Daphne to talk. "So, how's the thing with Ryoga going?"

"Cool. I think he's ready to ask me to be his steady girl."

"Sweet! So, uh, did you two..."

"Yes. We did."

"Well, he is a hunk, in his shy dorky way."

"Yeah, that's why I love him."

"Who initialized it?"

"I did."

"You go girl!"

"Yeah, but now I gotta make this big decision. I've got so many offers to choose from." Jubilee sighed.

"Ah, that time in the girls life. I faced that kind of decision too. Well, the therapist my mom hired for me wasn't too much of a help though, as you've seen my little mean streak." Daphne chuckled. "So, what's your choices?"

"Well, I could join with the Galaxy Police like Paige did. I heard she's got potential be a great detective."

"Space travel sounds cool." Daphne said. "Plus you get your own spaceship."

"I know. Then there's the X-men."

"You've been wanting to go back for a long time."

"Yeah, but things aren't as exciting as they are anymore. You should have seen some of the stuff those guys were doing while I was visiting them once."

"What else have you got to choose from?"

"Something called the X-Corps."

"I'd say no to that one. Maybe it's me, but I've noticed that all those other X teams seem to have the worst of luck. Remember Excalibur, X-Force, Mutant X?"

"Yeah, I see what you mean. I heard X-Force is getting a name change too."

Daphne drank from her Asashi beer can & said "You know, I've always considered you to be smarter than you look J. So, if you want my honest opinion, here it is. Just listen to that heart of yours. I mean having adventures is fun, but all of it catches up to you. Maybe nonstop danger isn't all it's cracked up to be."

"Yeah, I guess you could be right. It is cool, but do you know how boring it is to be caught in a weird deathtrap & have some super villain spout off some nonsense again for the 700th time?"

"I make it a habit to keep all superheroics to a minimum."

Ryoga entered the front door of Book Off, a Japanese bookstore & saw Jubilee in the CD section. "Hey, how are you doing?" Ryoga said.

"Ah, just looking for the TM Revolution CD Nabiki wants. Um, Ryoga, there's something I wanna tell you before I..."

"Funny, I was about to say the same thing."

"Really?"

"Yeah. But you can..."

"No, I want to hear you first."

"Oh, uh, Ok." Ryoga nervously shifted his feet as he said "We've known each other for quite awhile, three years now. And I was gonna ask you to go steady..."

"Oh. But?"

"Well, I decided to do something that I'd never thought I would do..." Ryoga's gaze shifted to the outside window, where out of the corner of his eye, he saw Daphne, Jono & Kairi crouching behind a large van. Sighing heavily, he gulped & got down on one knee. Pulling a small velvet box from his pocket, he opened it & inside was a golden ring. "Jubilee. I..I..love you very much. Will you please marry me?"

Jubilee's eyes were wide, her face red. She shivered in excitement as she gazed into her suitors eyes. With little hesitation, she pulled Ryoga up by his arm & fully kissed him on the mouth. For two minutes, the crowd in the store started & applauded. The two broke off the kiss & Ryoga said, in shock "Wow, I guess that's a yes."

"Shut up & kiss me you fool."

"Wow, I can't believe your plan worked!" Kairi said as he continued to film the events in the store. "Good work, you two."

:Daphne deserves more of the credit. She got Monet & Akane in on the  whole deal.:

"Yeah, it was a bit of a long shot though. Ryoga was asking all sorts of questions about married couples because he was so afraid to talk to Emma. And Jubilee kept on dropping hints about marriage."

:What do you suppose Jubilee was gonna say?:

"She's decided to go to the college in Salem." Kairi replied. "She called me on the cell phone & asked me a few questions about how she should break it to everyone."

"Well, another happy story in this city has begun!" Daphne said. "Let's go someplace & celebrate!!"

"Bleecker St, then?" Kairi suggested.

:Eh, why not.:

"You know Kairi, you've really been getting into jazz lately."

"Cowboy Bebop has something to do with that. Remember that episode, 'Pierrot Le Fou', where Spike was taking on that crazed killer?"

"Tell me about it, it was so much like a Batman episode..."

:Not again...:

**_See You, Space Cowboy..._**

****

****

Kairi: One down, four more to go. Or is it five?

Monet: Our next episode features something unique. I have one of my fondest wishes fulfilled.

Kairi: And I die...sorta.

Monet: What he means is he visits the land of the dead to help me.

Kairi: Well, technically, I'm not fully dead.

Monet: And I have a very interesting day with a guest star.

Kairi:You folks have no idea how weird the other side can get. I meet all sorts of people

Death: Including me!

Kairi: Who says Death isn't pretty?

Death: Are you flirting with me?

Kairi: If Ukyo caught wind of that, I might as well be dead.

Monet: Wait, what about Yuffie?

Kairi: Later.

Death: So, we hope to see you in the next episode of 'No Need For Farewells!'

Monet: It's called 'Monet's Wish.'

Kairi: So, how is that Tim Hunter guy?

Death: Just fine. Chris Bachalo sends his regards.  


	10. Monet's Wish

Monet's Wish (Or, A Day In The Company of Death)

Part 2 of 'No Need For Farewells'

By Kairi Taylor

**_Dear Journal,_**

****

**_It is hard to believe, but it has been about 2 years since my beloved left this realm. Of course, I speak of Everett. The pain from that day still resides within me, but little by little, I have found ways to cope with it. However, I do have some fortune on my side—Thanks in part to Kairi's unique abilities, which are akin to that of a shaman, I have been able to interact with his spirit twice over the past months. There is much I wish to tell him…_**

**_The team has been doing quite well since we went our separate ways. Angelo has reportedly made remarkable progress as one of the first engineering & maintenance students from Earth in the University of Jurai. Paige has already graduated from the GXP Academy & is studying under Lady Mhoshi (turns out Mihoshi's family is quite influential after all.) Jubilee & Ryoga are doing fine too. Emma has grown accustomed to the role of mother and H.C. is becoming more & more like he parents everyday. Sean has recovered swiftly, thanks in part to Washu's efforts, from the grievous injuries given to him by Mystique. I cannot comment on Jonothon at the moment however, as he has taken a leave of absence from the X-Men._**

**_But there are days, moments really, where I feel we severed our ties prematurely. We all knew one day we would leave the academy, but it was quite sudden. I mean, what if my sisters, who both briefly assumed my identity, trained here? What of Artie & Leech, who had to constantly move about in their previous lives with the Morlocks? And what of Penance? What will be her fate? These are questions I will have to ponder on for a long time…._**

****

****

****

September, 2002 

     Monet sat down in the grass underneath the hugest tree of the academy & folded her hands in her lap. Leaning back, she sighed. With the exception of Emma, Sean & HC, the mansion was void of any of the regular occupants or visitors. Jubilee & Ryoga had ventured out to a new theme park opening near Nerima. Paige was on patrol, which meant that she would not be back until late evening. Monet's services as a diplomatic representative of Earth were not needed now, which made her thankful. It was bad enough dealing with anti-mutant sentiment on Earth, but she (as well as the Juraian government) had to deal with anti-human rebels in space. What was worse…her credit card maxed out.

     "Days like this make ya glad to be alive. Unless of course, you're suicidal or something."

     Oh yes, there was also Kairi.

     She didn't really see him in the tree at first, but there he was, lying down on a branch, his baseball cap covering his face. He wore black cargo pants & a gray shirt, complete with a black trench coat. A small book was in his hands.

     "Hello, Kairi. I haven't seen you since the incident with the Otaku King Battle Royale." Monet said, stretching out her legs. "So, what have you been up to?"

     "Ah, you know me. Slave to globetrotting, magic experimentation, foiling evil writers & being one step ahead of the Fanfic Guild. Geez, make one joke about Velma's sexuality…"

     The Guild was never quite the same after Simon Raven's attempt at universal conquest. Neither was Kairi. The UN, who was becoming alarmed at the increase of writers, as well as their somewhat strange abilities to mimic powers & alter reality/probability forced the Guild to choose to take several steps to enforce order. They began to track the actions of any & all writers & took what was deemed 'appropriate actions' if anyone did something that was similar to what Simon did. Kairi, however, kept his contact with the Guild to a minimum. He gained more experience in magic use & trained to be a better fighter under the tutelage of a girl named Motoko Aoyama, who Jubilee & Monet had stayed with (a story that will be delved into later.)

     "It's nice to see you are getting yourself together, albeit slowly, but I have to ask, why the outfit change?" Monet inquired. "A while ago, you were in casual clothes, but any time any of us has seen you, you've been adapting to staying in black or gray."

     "Oh this?" Kairi replied as he removed his baseball cap. "I'm working on a super secret identity. It fits the motif pretty nicely." With little hesitation, Taylor leapt down from the tree branch. As he landed, he rolled his body forward & rose to his feet. "What do you think?"

     "Hmmm…obviously, you need body armor." She said, pointing to his chest. "And a couple of more items if you intend on doing anything involving heights. But I know exactly what you lack." Reaching into her pocket, she pulled out a pair of green goggles & tossed them to her. "Motoko-san says you left them behind at the Otaku-King fight. I can understand, though, since someone kicked them off your face."

     "Yup…but the other guy looked worse after that one. Ev sure could pick some durable equipment."

     "Yes…" 

     "Ah, still pining for him, I see. Understandable."

     "Really? I fail to see how you can be so easily comfortable with understanding…"

     "Nadia."

      Monet shortly blushed a bit. "Oh sorry…I still didn't realize you were still sensitive about it."

     "You don't have to apologize for anything. My fault really. The girl disappears for three years in the Air Force & I was the one who was crazy enough to believe that I was gonna have one of those textbook, romantic anime-style reunion with her. Never mind the fact that maybe, just maybe, over time, she would have found some other nice guy & that she didn't want to say anything out of fear that the knowledge of her being married to someone else would wound me deeper than I could imagine. It's moments like that that make me glad I didn't emulate what my dad did."

     "Which was…"

     "Throw a watermelon at my mom's door, for starters."

     Both of them laughed at the little quip he made about his past family problems. "But seriously, Kairi," Monet said, "I don't think Nadia would want you to suffer like you have. Trust me, I still have to adjust to being without Everett…"

     "Oh yeah…about that. Well, remember when I said it was hard for me to do a Resurrection because of my lack of ability?"

     "Yes, I recall. I also recall you saying it would require the permission of the dead & that it could possibly kill you after you restore him."

     "In a nutshell."

     "Then you did one of your variations of the Spongebob Squarepants theme song…although it was a little more risqué…"

     "You'll never let me forget that, will you?"

     "Not even on your deathbed."

     "Anyway, I have some good news. I can do a little variation of the resurrection. But there's several catches to it."

     "Aren't there always?"  

     "Yeah…for starters, as usual, I have to get the permission of the dead. They aren't exactly eager about being resurrected unannounced. And and this is very important, the resurrection only lasts a day. And it will require a host body to house the spirit."

     "I see…and how long will it take?" Monet asked.

     "I have no idea…first time I would be doing it."

     Monet considered the offer. A day reunited with the one person she ever gave her heart to was tempting, extremely. But then there were the other factors to consider. She weighed in the fact that the procedure could go wrong: Kairi could accidentally summon a demon instead of Ev, or he could himself lose his soul. But then she remembered something Jubilee said to her some time ago: "Ah, just shut up & do it already!'

     "Alright, I'm willing to try this out. But just how will you do this?"

     "Ah, watch & learn."

     In the living room, Kairi pulled away the tables from the center of the floor. Removing his jacket, he said to Monet "What will happen is that I will go into a trance-like state. I will contact the spirit realm & try to contact Ev. After that, well…."

     "After that, something will happen here right?"

     "Yeah, that's the part I'm curious about. You did take the needed precautions, right?"

     "Indeed." Monet pointed to several items on the floor, which included spirit wards, beads, rope, chain, baseball bats, tasers & mallets. Many mallets.

     "I have to ask…why the huge surplus of mallets?"

     "Need you ask? Or do I have to remind you of certain incidents?"

      Kairi sighed. "Alright, let the ceremony commence."

      Cupping his hands together, Kairi closed his eyes. He let out a low drone & said some words in a long forgotten language, but for the sake of tradition, let us assume it is Latin. Ok, maybe there was a touch of Gaelic involved, but I don't feel like getting all technical about magic & other stuff like that. Suffice it to say that within a few minutes, Monet noticed that the room felt surprisingly cool & Kairi had stopped chanting. In fact, he stopped moving altogether.

     "Wow. This actually looks pleasant."

     He found himself in a living room of sorts. Neatly arranged, with all sorts of antiques & assorted knick-knacks draping the area. There was a table with a kettle of tea & two cups. Clearly, company was expected. Kairi sniffed the air. "Apple'. He concluded.

     "To be precise, apple cinnamon."

     A woman stepped through a swinging door. She looked pale, but with a lot of livelihood in her eyes. Her hair, shirt, leather pants & boots were all the same color as her lipstick, which was black. Around her neck hung an ankh. "Hey, you're a minute late you know. But these ceremonies differ for a lot of you people I guess. Still, not too bad for a writer."

     "I'm sorry, I didn't get your name…"

     "Death."

     Kairi raised his hand & thoroughly rubbed the back of his head. "Death you say? I was under the impression that Death was…you know…less fleshy."

     "Ah, understandable. I mean, man seems to make up many things in his spare time to explain anything it doesn't know about. Well sit down. Have a drink or two." Death sat down in her leather chair & picked up her cup. That's when she noticed Kairi was still staring at her, a blush slowly creeping up on her. "Yes, I am quite attractive, I know, but…"

     "Huh? No, no, it's nothing like that," sputtered Kairi as he sat down. " Besides, I'm kind of spoken for.somewhat.I don't know."

     "You're not referring to Ukyo, are you?"

     "Sort of. Yeah, sure, I like her & I'm certain she does have a respectable view on me…but you know, I'm a writer, she's an anime hero, people would talk, the Guild would get all pissed off, some high & mighty dude would scream selfish manipulation of self insertion."

     "Status quo problems all over again? Funny, I never figured you'd care about such things."

     "I guess when you get older, everything feels more complicated."

      "Oh not really. If you really like her, go for it. She's quite attractive in her own way & you two seem to have a few things in common. Like unrequited love, identity problems, low tolerance of idiots…"

     "You just made that last one up."

     "No, you do. Or should I bring up the entire year of 2000? But we're not here discussing your life problems over a cup of tea. By the way, you should drink yours before it gets cold."

     "Oh, sorry." Taylor drank some of his tea as Death said, "Believe it or not, my brother, droll & moody as he is, loves this brand of tea."

     "Your brother?"

     "Yes. Morpheus. He's shown up in your dreams every now & then. You may not recall."

     "Does he somewhat resemble you, likes to get all philosophical & talks in allusions?"

     "Yeah. I take it you have met him?"

     "Twice. In my sleep & in a discussion with Doc Strange. But really, I need to ask you about Everett…"

     "I know, I know. You want to ask him for your permission to resurrect him for a day. He'll be here soon, but I have to ask you, are you willing to go through with this?"

     "What do you mean?"

     "Understand that a resurrection done for one day will drain a lot of your magic energy. It will take you awhile to recover. And this sort of ability will not go unnoticed. This Guild of yours will look into the matter."

     "Yeah, I figured as much."

     "So, I think we need to make an agreement, of sorts."

     "What agreement?"

     "It all depends on whether or not Everett will agree to be resurrected. Ah, speaking of which, what kept you so long?

     Kairi turned his head. Everett was standing behind him, a bag in his hand.

     Emma stared at what was before her: Monet sat cross-legged, looking onto her watch while grasping some spirit wards. Kairi sat in the middle of the room, motionless, looking as stiff as a statue. And surrounding them was piles upon piles of weapons.

     "Should I even be concerned?" Emma asked Monet.

     "A little bit." Monet replied hastily, looking at her watch. "He's been like this for 10 minutes. What is he doing?"

     Sean, with H.C. on his shoulders, entered the room. Looking quizzically at Kairi, he looked at Monet, saw the weapons & said simply "I don't want to know…"

     "And up until now, that's what I learned in the Spirit Realm." Ev finished. Kairi, who was on his second cup of tea, whistled. "So…all this time…J.R.R. Tolkien was a inter-dimensional traveler." He sighed. 

     "If you stop & dwell on it, it makes sense." Death explained. "How else can one man makeup such a detailed account of 'fictional' writings & alphabets in such detail."

     "My immediate reply would have been 'way way WAY too much time' on his part." Taylor answered.

     "But before we lose track, I gotta ask, how's Monet holding up?"

     "She misses you terribly. And you better not have a girl here or I'm gonna kick your ass so hard, the last punch will knock you back to life!"

     "Hey, don't worry, I miss her too. But it's kinda hard to leave the realm of the dead behind after what I've seen & been through. On the other hand…I do miss kissing a lot."

     "Can I please inform our would be mage of his pending deal?" Death said to Ev, sipping from her cup.

     "Oh, sure, sorry…"

     "Anyway in order for your request to be fulfilled, you must agree to a couple of tasks."

     "Always with the conditions. So, what do you need from me?"

     "As I said, the Resurrection spell requires a lot of magical energy. At your present level you are not anywhere near the requirements. So, the head honchos have decided to let you train & visit the spirit realm."

     "Train? Sounds difficult."

     "There's more. We also need you to help enforce the law. Certain people housed within the Makaii area have been spotted near the gates to the mortal realm. If they get loose…"

     "I know, I know. Hell on Earth/ Where's Urameshi when he really could do some good?"

     "Happily married, dude." Ev said. "So are you in?"

     "Ah, why the hell not?"

     "Oh, there is but one more thing…" Death grasped his right hand. A strange circular symbol materialized & glowed orange. "At some point in the future, this seal will have to be released…You'll know when."

     "Must be pretty serious if you want to let him break the seal." Ev mused. "I hate to find out what."

     "So, are you ready?"

     "Just give me a minute."

     "H.C., don't poke him. He's still in a trance." Emma told her daughter.

     "Mom, what is a trance?"

     "You know that look that Jubilee gets every time she eats Sugar Bombs?"

     "Uh huh."

     "That look."

     "Oh, ok." She gleefully left the room as Monet pointed & said, "Hey, his eyes are opening."

     "Ah man, my knee feels like it's been hit with a wrench. Oh. hey."

     "Well, how did it go?"

     "Smoothly, if I must say. Ev can be in the living realm for the next 24 hours. I only ask one favor from you."

     "Name it."

     "Don't do anything with this body I haven't done yet." He replied firmly. With that point driven, his eyes glowed. A cylinder of light surrounded him & temporarily blinded all in the room. When the light died down, everyone saw, standing & holding her in an embrace, Everett. A halo was over his head.

     "So…miss me?"

     "Madly."

     "What's with the half halo?" Kairi asked as Death led him down a road surrounded by spruce trees.

     "Oh that. That indicates that you are a mortal visiting from the realm of Earth. King Enma will explain it shortly."

     "Wait…King Enma? I'm a Protestant, won't this be odd?"

     "You humans didn't figure it out yet? You know, the secret about religion?"

     "No…but I have a feeling what you're about to tell me will piss someone off somewhere."

     "Yes, I'm aware. See, the basic principles are all the same: live a good life, be cool with one another, and don't do any major evil or something. We have several offices around the spirit realm that cater to specific faiths. God has many identities, you know."

     "Ok…but one question…"

     "No, I don't know where the Catholics got this idea of Confession from."

     "Ok"

     There were many odd moments in the life of Jubilation Lee that stood out. Like discovering her mutant powers for the first time in the mall. Her initial dealings with The Hand. Meeting up with the Skrulls. And of course, The Onsen Incident.

     This one was no different.

     She had entered the academy with Ryoga, both carrying two backpacks full of Sugar Bombs (weekend marathon of Iron Chef pending) & just as the two were setting the bags down, she saw Monet coming out of the living room hand in hand with a boy. Not just any boy, however. It was a boy she had once cared for a long time ago. It was Everett.

     So she did the only thing a girl like her could do in that situation. She yelped, ran over & hugged him so tight, his face turned blue. 

     "Careful Jubes! I only have 24 hours here!" Everett gasped.

     Ryoga, rubbing his hands in his hair, in shock at seeing a friend he hadn't seen in so long, asked the question most of us would have asked at that point. 

     "Aren't you dead?"

     "So, that's the story." Ev finished the explanation as everyone, including a just released from duty Paige, took in the information given. 

     "Wow. I never would've figured Kairi was one to lend anyone his body." Paige said, puzzled.

     "I'm surprised it worked at all!" Sean replied. 

     "Still, it's great to have you back Ev. Too bad Jono & Angelo aren't here to see this."

     "I think Angelo would have a coronary." Monet said. 

     "I have to ask though," Emma inquired "just how will Kairi be able to bring you back for good? I mean, in all honesty, your body right now…well…"

     "That's where I come in!"

     Washu peddled into the room on a portable scooter, towing some complicated monitoring equipment. "I had a feeling you were bound to show up for this." Paige sighed.

     "Of course, girlie! Being the universe's number 1 scientist & a part time goddess has its share of perks! Now then, don't worry about Everett's body. I received a little memo from one of the head honchos themselves to take care of it. Look here."

     A monitor flickered on. It sowed a large, black container with cables & wires sticking into it. Inside was Everett's body, attached to a respirator.

     "Holy cow! His body is perfectly intact!" Jubilee yelped.

     "What's even creepier is that there's no sign of decomposing or tissue damage." Ryoga noticed.

     "I don't suppose you can resurrect me." Ev asked.

     "Oh sure I could. But that would mean I'd bring you back as a cyborg. And I'm certain you don't want that…do you?"

     With little hesitation, everyone else said emphatically "No!"

     "Good. Now you two kids have fun for the time being, while our little buddy goes through his trials."

     "I'm worried about him though." Ryoga said. "He's not really used to most of the things that happen here on Earth. What could possibly happen to him in the underworld?

     "He'll be just fine. Right now, I have to prepare for something much more unnerving."

     "Like?"

     "My parents are coming."

      "Sir, here he is, as promised." Death said, pointing to Kairi. The writer looked up & arched an eyebrow. He was face to face with King Enma, who was carefully thumbing through documents. "You know, I could have sworn you were bigger than 9 feet."

     "Son, you watch too much anime. I can be any size I want." Enma replied. "Oh, this Buffy generation. Always with the allusions & pop culture issues. And let me tell you right now, there's no way that Buffy gal could have taken out Dracula so easily. The Belmont's had a hard enough time as it is & she comes along & tries to show them up…ah, we're getting off topic." Gruffly, Enma opened one of the nearby file cabinets & pulled his file out. "Ah yes, Kairi…quite an oddity indeed. You lucked out, you know. Not many mortals get a chance like this in their lifetimes. Death, please escort him to where his friends are. He'll get all his training done there. And do mind your manners kid. Etiquette counts here too."

     "Huh?"

     "He means you can't curse like a sailor where we're heading."

     "Oh."

     Grasping Kairi's shoulders, Death winked twice. In a moment, he found himself transported into a field of huge green hills & trees, with nothing but blue-sky overhead. Various small huts were scattered about & many people freely walked about. Some of them, Kairi noted, vaguely familiar. "You know, if I didn't know any better, I'd say that was Frederick Douglas I just saw."

     "And you'd be correct." Death said. "This s one of the many places the dead can dwell when they pass away. These fields are reserved for souls who had made tremendous strides in the living world.

     Kairi looked all about him & marveled. He saw Dr. Martin Luther King & John Lennon talking together at a small gazebo. And he wasn't too sure, but he could have sworn that as he continued to walk, he saw Gandhi performing Tai Chi. Nearby, he saw a man dressed in a toga reading with a man who appeared to be an English professor who smoked a pipe. "Wow, this I a pretty sweet setup. I wonder if anyone I know is here."

      "Oh smokes! Kairi...is that you?"

       Death & Kairi turned around. The young guy behind them was unmistakable: Unkempt hair, large muscles, huge fricking tattoo of a dragon on his chest—it was most definitely the pre requisite superhero cameo interlude…

     "Grunge?" Kairi stared in disbelief. "Dude, you're here?!"

      "Yeah, totally man! This place ROCKS!!" Grunge said as he shook the hands of his long lost buddy. "You gotta train here dude! I've been learning all kinds of cool stuff!"

     "I heard you guys were killed, man! What the heck happened?"

     "Long story. At least I know Caitlin made it out safely. Oh yeah, I gotta tell Roxy you're here!"

     "She already knows." Death said, pointing up. Kairi gazed upwards just in time to be embraced by a diving Roxy, who rubbed him on the head & said, "So, finally found something that could actually kill ya, did you?"

     "Nah, he lucked out." Grunge said. "Enma's letting him train here until Ev comes back. "

     "Sweet. Wait 'til you try out the food here."

     "Hey, where's Sarah?" Kairi asked.

     "I think she went off to take some more art lessons from Jack Kirby." Roxy replied. "But just who is he going to train with?"

     "Good question." Death replied. "We're looking for Wong Fei Hung. He's going to train Kairi."

     "I'll show you where he is."

     "So…Mom…Dad…"

     "This is a bit…_awkward._ Even by our standards. You must realize."

     There wasn't much that Mr. & Mrs. Thomas could say. Aside from the fact that their son was, for that day, alive, there wasn't too many things that surprised them anymore. It was what happened the day before that was odd.

     "You see, we were instructed to come here yesterday." Mr. Thomas explained. "It was a very nice young lady who told us we would find you here."

     "Of course when she explained she was Death, we were creeped out." Mrs. Thomas continued.. "We thought she was just another goth kid wasted out of her gourd…but are you sure you're comfortable in that body son?"

     "I told you mom, it's just temporary." Everett said.

     "His body is in a stasis chamber now." Monet said. "We are all hoping Kairi can succeed."

     "I hope so too." Mr. Thomas sighed. "But son, I want to ask you something…when you do come back, for good I hope, do you still want to be, you know, a hero?"

     "What do you mean?"

     "Son, I can't order you about what to do with your life, but I want you to reconsider your goals. I'm proud of what you've done, both here & in the afterlife…but…"

     "We want you to do something else. Really." Mrs. Thomas said. "It hurt us all so deeply when you died. And the possibility of you coming back to us is the best thing we could all ever hope for…and we don't ever want you taken away from us like that again."

     "I have to agree with them." Monet said.

     "M…"

     "I really love you, Ev. I'll support you no matter what we go through…but I don't ever want to lose you like that again. And seeing how sad everyone else was…it was the most horrid feeling I ever experienced."

     Ev knew what she was talking about. Even when he was dead, he still had some sort of connection to the emotions of all he held dear. And the overwhelming sadness he felt in their hearts…it sucked, quite frankly.

     "I just have to ask one question." Ev said as he looked at Emma. "Where's Adrienne?" 

     "Dead." Emma replied. "Or so I think."

     "Emma capped her own sister?" Jubilee said as she walked with Sean to the store. "Can't really say I blame her. If it was up to me, I'd had ripped her damn throat out myself."

     "Aye, I know. But I don't think that's the end of it." Sean said.

     "What do you mean?"

     "After Emma shot 'er, she had the body taken away to be incinerated. But before her men could get to the funeral home, the body was stolen.. "

     "By her guys then, I wager."

     "Yeah. I can't shake it, but I have a feeling something is goin' down."

      Kairi stepped out of the small cave, wiping his hands. It may have been only 1:00 in the realm of the living, but in Heaven, or wherever he was at, the equivalent of at least 10 months had already passed. Wong Fei Hung & Grunge stood outside, waiting to see how he fared. "This trial seems to have gone much better than we hoped." Wong said. "Your ki has increased more than tenfold & your magical energy has become quite high."

     "Yeah…and you look stronger too." Grunge said.

     "I know. I feel it too." Kairi said. "But what about my regular body?" 

     "Oh, don't worry about that," Wong explained  "because it will be easy for it to adapt to the changes. Besides, you  & Everett are about the same physical type, so changing forms for both of you will feel rather natural.. He was also much stronger than you too,  so that concern should be well addressed."

     "Wait, stronger?" Kairi asked.

     "Totally." Grunge explained. "You see---"

     Before Grunge could  explain to Kairi what he meant, Roxy flew towards them, holding a memo. "Trouble boys! We're needed at the borders to the Human-Makaii realms pronto! Kanaye & some friends are raising hell!"

     "Kanaye? Who is that?!" Kairi asked.

     "You mean you were not told?" Wong asked. "I suppose now would be best to tell you."

     "How bad is it?"

     "You've met Kanaye before in his previous incarnation in the world…as Simon."

     "Wow, Wong Fei Hung! The kick ass kung fu master trained you?! SWEET!" Jubilee exclaimed as she, Ryoga, Ev & Monet walked down the streets in town to the local diner "What was the training like?"

     "Fun…but brutal, even for a dead guy." Ev explained. "For one session I had to fight off Grunge…blindfolded…& with my arms in handcuffs…weighed down by some iron balls."

      "I imagine that it took some time to win." Monet said.

     "You have no idea. So, what did I miss out on?"

     "Well, for starters, we're seeing more aliens visit Earth than before." Ryoga said. "And we've gotten some new technology in the past few months. The major airlines have started using new types of airplanes. And our computers have become more advanced too."

     "Yeah. Oh, check my watch out!" Jubilee pressed a button on her wristwatch. A small holographic map of the area, as well as the local time appeared. "This little number is so handy, even Ryoga can't get lost."

     "Somehow, he still does."

     "That's not all. The GXP has set up a space station in orbit around the Earth." Jubilee said. "And we get to visit other planets as well."

     "There have been a few problems though…like the anti-alien protestors that have been harassing the townsfolk." Monet said.

     "Speak of the devil." Ryoga pointed across the street. A large department store was being attacked by a few men, their faces covered by black masks. Rocks were thrown few the windows as customers ducked for cover. 

     "So," Monet asked, "should we let the local police handle this or do we take care of business?"

     "There's about seven of them. Nothing we can't handle. Got anything you learned from the other world that you can use here, Ev?" Jubilee said to Ev.

     "One trick should be able to stop them. You don't mind if I borrow one of your moves, do you Ryoga?"

     "You can do that?" 

     "Not only that…something better."

     Taking off his jacket, Ev approached the seen masked men. One of them, saw him & yelled "Mind your business kid! We're teaching these alien loving scum a lesson!"

     "Pardon me if I strongly disagree with your method." Ev said. The masked men were not amused & turned their attention towards them. Ev toke the initiative & clasped his hands together, yelling "Shi Shi Hodokai!" A massive, ten-foot ball of energy formed all around Ev's hands, knocking all of the masked men out..

     "Whoa." Jubilee said.

     "Not only did he do the Shi Shi Hodokai…he put off more strength in it than me."

     "Wow…all that training really did pay off."

     "Ugh." Kairi said as the group arrived at a desolate area. It was barren of any sort of plant life whatsoever, or for that matter many other features. Nothing but rocks, cliffs & sand was around them. The sky overhead was covered by gray & black clouds, their sheer thickness suffocating any source of the sun. "Why do these places always have to look the same?"

     "You'd rather there be hot lava & fire?" Grunge asked.

     "No. I'd rather have a peanut vendor or something for a change of pace."

     "That's Hell for you." Roxy said, scanning her eyes around some of the overhead ridges. "The report said that we should be getting into Kanaye, or whatever his darn name is now, right around these parts."

     "Yeah…perfect for a trap." Grunge grumbled.

      "You're not as dense as I originally surmised!"

     The trio looked overhead. Near the top of a ridge, holding what appeared to be a lance, was Simon himself. He had a black cape wrapped about him, his purple hair longer & reaching up to his hips. His eyes were blood red & intense, a long burning hatred glowing within. "I was wondering whether or not our little ruse was gonna work. And I see an old friend of mine has finally died. Pity, I was looking forward to doing the deed myself."

     "Technically, I'm just visiting." Kairi replied. "And I see you've kept yourself entertained."

     "Charming wit eludes you. All three of you are our tickets out of this abomination of a nether realm. I am curious, though, about why you're here. Don't tell me that God himself has a plan in mind for you? Or can it be…ah yes, of course. It's all **their** doing again, isn't it. Those who brought about the little worldwide party in 1999. They've been using you again, haven't they?

     "What is he talking about?" Roxy asked.

     "I think I know what he's talking about." Grunge said. "But maybe Kairi can fill us in."

     "I'll have to fill you in later." Kairi said. "We have some more guests."

     From out of the ground, encircling them, skeletal demons came forth. In their claw like hands were spiked clubs of iron, rusted slightly, but still potentially painful. Their nostrils flared, the demons slowly closed in. 

     "Allow me, boys.". Roxy grinned. As the horde leaped up, Roxy yawned in mid air, the monsters were held in place, all in part due to Roxy's ability to control gravity. As they flailed helplessly, Grunge said to Kairi "Hey bud, can you give me a boost?"

     "No problem!" Kairi said, crouching & giving a thumbs up. Taking one deep breath, Grunge transformed his body to pure stone. Then, quick as a rabbit, he dashed forth & boosted himself off of Kairi's back. He aimed towards the nearest demon & connected with a flying forward kick. As he hit him in the head, Grunge used the momentum to bounce back & hit another one. He repeated this until he hit all of them at least twice. As he landed, he reverted back to his normal form. At the same time, every demon exploded. All that was left was Simon.

     "Aw, that was too short!" Grunge complained. "Couldn't you recruit some better demons than that?"

     "Who cares? He's the last one left." Roxy pointed out. "Let's just wail on him until the backup gets here."

     "WAIL on me?" Simon said, bemused. "I think you'll find I am beyond your basic demon girl!" He floated down towards their location, eyes fixed in a deadly serious gaze. He smiled, revealing long fangs. The air seemed to feel denser to them. Kairi, seemingly not fazed by the events, said to Roxy & Grunge "I think the four of us can handle this."

     "Four? Dude, there's an extra voice in your head or something?"

     "Just watch. We've been meaning to pull it off for awhile now."

     Kairi clasped his hands together, then made a few motions with his hands. Seconds later, His body began to glow. A light burst forth from his eyes & next to Kairi stood a large fox, larger than even Grunge himself. "Remember him? You two go back a long way, right Simon? Or is it Kanaye?"

     "Whoa. I thought like you turned into this guy when you got soaked or something."

     "Oh, heck yeahs Roxy! But it's kinda hard to explain. This here is Kanye's original killer. He did him in Jusenkyo a few centuries back. And thanks to a most recent…incident…he's not at full power. But he's got enough to give our friend here a beat down. So what's say we get started, eh?"

     "I'm down with it!" Roxy smirked, cracking her knuckles.

     "Damn. Discretion is the best option I suppose!" Simon glowered at the two heroes, the writer & the fox. "We will do this some other time." Pulling his cape in, he disappeared. As the team sighed, a figure leaped from behind a rock, something glittering in it's hand. Kairi, without much movement, stepped aside & elbowed the attacker in the back of the head. Looking down, he arched an eyebrow in surprise. "D.O.A.? What are you trying to prove?"

     "You bastard! Don't you remember? You were the one who killed me off! I wants payback!"

     "Don't tell me you're still sore about that  business." Grunge laughed.

     "Very funny, Suckie Chan!"

      One boulder drop later, Grunge wiped his hands. "C'mon, let's get going."

     It was nightfall as Everett & Monet returned from the beach. Emma was sitting on the couch, reading a book to H.C. as Monet said to her "Mrs. Frost, We have come to a decision."

     "Oh really? Does it concern our previous discussion?"

     "That, and a little more." Ev sighed. "We talked it over extensively & I decided to take everyone's advice."

     "Good. I want you to know, E, as soon as we get you back, I will have a position for you available at Frost Enterprises. I expect nothing but the best from you."

     "I know. I'll do everything in my power to make sure you don't regret it. But there is one other thing. And whatever you do, you have to make sure Kairi does not go ballistic."

     "With the way he's been these days," Emma pointed out, "he may just get a mild shock. So, what is it?"

     At the halls of Emma's domain, Kairi shook hands with Sarah & Roxy. "Sarah, it's been real great seeing everyone again! I'll be sure to pass your message along to Caitlin first chance I get."

     "Thank you so very much!" Sarah answered, a tear in her eye. "And really, try to lay off the fatty foods." 

     "That's something the Army has been telling me for awhile. Roxy, tell Grunge & the flame dude I'll contact them my own way. And thank Master Wong too. I'll be able to finish learning that spell in no time thanks to him."

     "Ah, I know you can do it." Roxy said "Tell Jubes I said good luck with the wedding thing. Hey, there he is."

     Death entered the great hall, accompanied by Everett. The two shook hands & Kairi said "You know, this really isn't goodbye. Just so you know."

     "Yeah, I know bud. Just do me a favor and keep out of trouble. The stuff you've pulled is gonna drive me to a second grave"

     "Yeah sure."

     "See ya…and whatever you do, don't panic."

    "Huh, what the heck is that supposed to mean?"

    Death cut him off by pulling him by his hand & telling him "You'll find out soon enough. C'mon, I've got a schedule to keep."

     Kairi opened his eyes. He was sitting on the couch in the mansion, Monet next to him. Nearby was Jubilee, Paige & H.C., all staring. "So…what was death like?" Jubilee asked.

     "Psylocke said that Warren  regularly peeps in on Rouge in the shower when he thinks no one is looking." 

     " I knew it! Pay up, Guthrie!"

     "DAMN! He was too cute to be true!" Paige grumbled as she handed over 20 dollars. As Kairi laughed, H.C. pointed to his chest & said "So, who's gonna tell him about that?"

     "About what---oh my God, what did you do woman?" Kairi saw that hanging around his neck, on a silver chain, was a gold ring."

     "Think of it as insurance that you will fulfill your agreement." Monet said directly, looking at the diamond ring n her finger.

     "In short, now there are TWO of us getting engaged." Jubilee cracked up.

     "Why do adults wanna get married anyway?" .C. asked Kairi. Kairi patted her on the head & told her "I don't even know myself, kiddo."

     "Well, we have to get going right away." Paige informed Kairi. "I'll take you to see Washu."

     "I'm coming too. Ryoga said he'll meet us there."

     "Wait, what's up?" Kairi asked, confused.

     "The Guild heard about what you did. Looks like when they said they were going to crack down, they meant it."

     As Washu worked at the console, Paige, Ryoga & a bored Jubilee watched as Kairi, strapped to a chair with a black cylinder over his head, was being attended to. "That should do it. All the data & know-how he's gonna need has been put into his little troubled mind. He should have no problem piloting his little ride, let alone a biplane."

     "This is all fascinating & all, but could you tell us just what will this have to do with avoiding The Guild?" Jubilee lazily asked.

     "EVERYTHING!!!" Washu boomed in a ecstatic voice. "Now, my second favorite guinea pig, get up & go change into the uniform I chose for you." 

     Kairi left the room & Paige said "This has been all rather interesting, but I think some blanks need to be filled in."

     "Yeah.." Ryoga said. "The Guild is pretty good at finding any writer now."

     "True, but these guys don't have access to all sorts of technology or magical arts. We originals like to keep 'em on their toes. So, I contacted a few friends of mine a few light years away from Earth. I got them to lend me a craft that I've helped them to modify for their use a long time ago. Of course, there was only one of them who ever put it to some really good use…"

     "Uh, Washu? These clothes of mine…"

     Kairi stepped out into the room. He wore a black shirt, a gray vest & a pair of gray trousers. He also had on a black trench coat, but he kept his sneakers. "Wow, you actually look a little more serious than usual." Ryoga said.

     "And something about these clothes feel…familiar." Kairi said.

     "I hope you like them. Now let's get you in your vehicle & you'll be on your way." Washu smiled as she led them to a large door.

     "Wait a sec. Washu, can I ask one question?"

     "Sure Jubs!" 

     "Which planet did you get that vehicle from?"

     "Oh that…Gallifrey."

     Kairi's eyes bulged. Jubilee's jaw dropped. Paige & Ryoga looked confused. "What is Gallifrey?" Page asked.

     "Washu…are you telling me…in my head right now, is all the knowledge to pilot, maintain & use…"

     "Yup."

    "And he gets to ride around through time & space with…"

     "Uh huh."

     "Excuse me, but can you two fill me in on…."

     "Ryoga, what's inside that room is a…" Kairi slightly opened the doors, peeked in & looked back at Washu. "You even got it to look just how I remembered it from when I was a kid!"

     "Oh, let me see!!!!" Jubilee & Kairi rushed into the room. Washu laughed & said "Those two already love it! Come on, you two,  let's take a look at it.

     Washu ushered Paige & Ryoga into a small workshop. Standing in the middle of the room was a tall, blue Police Box, the type that British Police were familiar with.. "This, my friends, is the TARDIS." Kairi explained . "Or, Time And Relative Dimensions In Space. Washu, had I known you were in cahoots with Time Lords…"

     "It's probably better if he didn't know." Paige said. "But since the Guild seems to think partial resurrection is a problem, please promise us that you won't be doing any more damage to the universe than you possibly could."

     "Trust me, I've got him doing a few errands with the boys at UNIT." Washu reassured her. 

     "Kairi, you gotta take me with you!" Jubilee said, grabbing his hand. "I loved watching Doctor Who! I gotta go on one of these!"

     "If Jubilee's coming, take me too!" Ryoga said. "I  gotta have something to hold over Ranma's head for once." 

     Kairi smiled. "Ah, why not? I need some company. Time travel is never fun when you're on your own." Opening the doors on the TARDIS, Kairi said to Jubilee "And don't think for one minute we are going to make any visits to Skaro!"  

     "Dude, it was destroyed. 7th Doctor, remember?"

     "Was it? Damn! Stupid local stations prematurely canceling the run….come along then."

      The three entered the TARDIS, losing the door shut behind them. As it dematerialized, Paige asked "We'll see him again, right?"

     "Oh sure. After the number of promises he's managed to make, he'd be very stupid not to keep them."

     "You do know who you're talking about?"

     "You have an extraordinary lack of faith."

Kairi: And that does it for me! See ya in part 5 or 6…

Jubilee: Me too!

Paige In the meantime, it's time for...wait for it…a romantic story with me!

Jono: And me of course. I bet you are wondering how I got my upper body back? Bit of a funny story actually.

Paige: Not ha ha funny…oh, you'll see soon enough!

Jono: An' how the bloody 'ell can ya have a TARDIS in here & not have me there? Jubilee's not a big a Doctor Who fan as me?

Sean: Dream on lad. I know me Doctor trivia down pact!

Paige: The next story, which sadly has no TARDIS action, is called Paige & Jono: The Never-ending Romance.

Jono: Which Doctor was the first to meet Davros?

Sean: Tom Baker's Doctor!


	11. A Quick Business Trip Side Story

A Quick Business Trip-

An 'No Need For Farewells' Side Adventure

by Kairi Taylor

Author's Note: This adventure expands a bit on the ending to 'Monet's Wish', where Jubilee, Ryoga & Kairi receive their own TARDIS, thanks to Washu's intervention. What follows is an incident that takes them to Gallifrey & a meeting with someone who has been observing Earth's recent timeline activity...

(Aboard the newly received TARDIS. Inside the Rec. Room, Jubilee is punching at a large dummy, with a Magneto helmet on it's head. As Ryoga enters, she leaps and takes the head off with a devastating roundhouse.)

Ryoga: Wow, you've been going at it for 3 hours now.

Jubilee: Got a lot of sugar to work off. Want some?

Ryoga: Coy...but save it for later.

Jubilee: Spoilsport...

Ryoga: But I see the training regiment Mr. Cassidy left you has been very useful.

Jubilee: I'd have to agree, but damn, how does he expect me to run 3 miles every day?

Ryoga: Believe me, it could be a lot worse.

Jubilee: I know, I know, breaking a rock with a finger. I've seen the videos. (Picks head up) I wonder how the X-Men are doing right now...

Ryoga: You haven't been in contact with them lately?

Jubilee: No...I just keep on having this overwhelming feeling of dread. You know, like something real bad has just happened. I can't explain it.

Ryoga: We'll talk about it over breakfast. Kairi's making waffles.

Jubilee: Oh God, not waffles.

Ryoga: Trust me, he's gotten quite good at it.

Jubilee: It's not his cooking that worries me. What worries me is that he will destroy the kitchen making the darn things.

(In the kitchen, Kairi lays out waffles onto a plate.)

Kairi: Ah, perfectly prepared Walnut-Cherry Waffle Supreme. Never mind it took me a lifetime to perfect, but it was worth the effort. (A small screen lowers down from the ceiling. On it is Emma.)

Emma: I see you've been diligently working in the kitchen. Is my charge still breathing?

Kairi: Even when I'm stuck in the middle of a vortex in time, my cooking is mocked. I take it you are checking up on Jubs.

Emma: Yes, I want to make sure that her abilities haven't gone to waste.

Kairi: Trust me, the girl's sticking to what you've given her. What, you don't actually think she'd do something to destroy Time itself, do you? The girl is not that bad.

Emma: True, but you haven't spent as much time here in the academy as us.

(A horn blares out over the loudspeaker.)

Kairi: Oh bother, what is it now? Look, we'll discuss this later. Something's wrong in the vortex.

(As Kairi enters the hallways of the TARDIS, he sees Ryoga carrying an unconscious Jubilee)

Kairi: What's going on here?

Ryoga: I don't know. She just said her head hurt & all of a sudden, she fainted. She's running a fever.

Kairi: Did she overexert herself? (touches forehead)

Ryoga: No more than usual.

Kairi: on, we're going to the control room.

Ryoga: Now?

Kairi: Yeah. Something just came up.

(In the control room, Ryoga lays Jubilee on a nearby cot as Kairi looks at the controls.)

Ryoga: This doesn't feel right.

Kairi: I'll say...well, worry not. We'll be able to get some medical attention for her where we are going.

Ryoga: That's good to hear. Just as long as we don't get into any serious trouble.

Kairi: Yeah, that's the good news-bad news scenario I'm going to introduce you to. Good news is that you're about to be landing on your first planet.

Ryoga: And the bad news is...

Kairi: We are landing on Gallifrey.

Ryoga: Oh...

Kairi: They wouldn't pull a time machine out of a vortex like this unless something real bad to Time itself has gone down. Best be on good behavior. (puts on jacket)

Ryoga: Tell me, what is Gallifrey like?

Kairi: Good question. I've been dyin' to figure that out myself

(Gallifrey. The TARDIS lands in the presidential building. Kairi steps out, Ryoga following shortly behind, Jubilee still in his arms.)

Ryoga: Wow, look at this place. It's beautiful!

Kairi: I know. Guys on my platoon would kill to live in a place like this. How's she holding up?

Ryoga: She seems the same. ( A palace guard approaches them.) We have company.

Guard: Kairi Taylor?

Kairi: The same. I'm expected to follow you, right?

Guard: Indeed.

Kairi: Ok, but our female friend here needs some medical attention.

Guard: I'll lead you to the infirmary.

(Much later, Kairi steps into a large, ordinate chamber. A woman in robes sits at a wicker chair. At her side is a silver robotic dog.)

Woman: Ah, Mr. Taylor. Washu has told me quite a bit about you. Although your manner of clothing seems a bit out of place for you.

Kairi: Washu's idea. Although it does make me look a lot more mature, I feel comfortable none the less. You look familiar.

Woman: I should. My name, as you came to remember it when you were a child, is Romana.

Kairi: Whoa. YOU'RE the Lady President here? I'd thought...

Romana: Yes, yes, I know. But certain circumstances has put me in this seat of power now. You do remember K9 of course.

Kairi: Indeed. If I didn't I'd have my geek card torn in two.

K9: Good evening sir.

Kairi: Same to you K9.

Romana: K9, please check on Jubilee for me. I will speak to her shortly.

K9: At once, mistress. (K9 leaves)

Kairi: So, what did I do? And what about Jubilee? Why do you need to see her?

Romana: Nothing too troubling, well at least not yet, but we need to have a talk...

(Infirmary. K9 rolls in as Ryoga watches over Jubilee, who has woken up.)

Jubilee: Ah crap, what happened to me? Did I slip & hit my head on a gold banister...again?

Ryoga: You had a fever for a short while. We brought you here when we landed on Gallifrey.

Jubilee: Gallifrey? What the---oh CRAP! What did Kairi do? Did he implode a sun or something? Has Hitler won the war? Did he bring back the Spice Girls?

K9: Negative, Ms. Lee. Mr. Taylor is incapable of such damage nor does he have the will to...

Jubilee: Yes, I know, I was being sarcastic.

Ryoga: (thinking to himself) Funny how she uses sarcasm to deal with a potential crisis.

Jubilee: Oh my God...

Ryoga: What?

Jubilee: I could hear what you were thinking. And I can hear what the guy in the other room is thinking...and it is a REAL perverted thought. Remind me to kick his ass.

Ryoga: What? How? I didn't know you had telepathy.

K9: Allow me to make an analysis.

Ryoga: Feel free to.

K9: My data shows that Ms. Lee is going through the primary stages of her 2nd mutation.

Jubilee: WHAT?! SWEET!

Ryoga: That's the same thing that happened to Emma.

K9: Correct. The body of certain mutants, when given the right conditions, will gain even more abilities in addition to the original.

Jubilee: Cool. Now I wonder how I can totally abuse this.

Ryoga: And is it over?

K9: Negative. I detect that her secondary mutation has only given out 35 of it's potential. Correction..37.

Jubilee: What? I get more?!

K9: Affirmative.

Jubilee: Maybe if I'm lucky, I get to fly. Ahhh, what if I get Wolvie's healing powers! Or better yet, imagine me with Storm's powers.

Ryoga: Can I pray to Kami-sama you don't get the second one?

(Back at Romana's office)

Kairi: How long have you been watching?

Romana: Ever since the merger of the 4 universes began. When it initially started, it looked for a moment as if there was a fracture in the time stream. But then it repaired itself almost immediately. When we began our search, we found many interesting things. Writers, both 'fan fiction' and serious, had stood out. Some of them seemed to have the abilities available only to the strongest of super beings, while others, like yourself, have the ability to alter reality.

Kairi: I noticed. But I never found out why precisely. Or I just can't remember. The merger itself has had some strange effects.

Romana: I know. And with the incident involving Simon, not to mention the trouble with the Fan fiction Guild, meant that some action needed to be taken. It is no coincidence that we have given you a TARDIS. We suspect that some writers will be making a bid to control the known universe.

Kairi: Oh God, not that old game. I hope you realize how much of a bother this is. I've had enough problems trying not to get involved. And don't get me started on some of these guys making themselves out to be complete & total bad asses.

Romana: Yes, I know. We need someone to help make sure that the event doesn't happen. and to keep an eye on the time stream for Earth.

Kairi: No problem. Kinda gotten attached to the old bird myself.

Romana: We also need one other favor from you...(Jubilee & K9 enter)

K9: Mistress, here is Ms. Lee.

Romana: Ah, Jubilee. Good to see you are well.

Jubilee: Feels good to be well.

Kairi: We have a bit of a mission on our hands.

Romana: As you know, you'll be working with UNIT to help defend the planet.. But there is one other favor we need from both of you.

Kairi: Which is...

Romana: Find Jean Grey and bring her back.

Kairi: What?

Romana: In the very near future, Jean Grey will die, seemingly at the hands of Magneto. But she will be reborn far off into the future. And that's what worries us. Taking her out of the current time stream will have some unforeseen effects.

Jubilee: What worries me is the fact that she has died so many times.

Kairi: You get used to it real quick.

Romana: The power alone that Jean will have is enough to destroy Earth 20 times over. And keep in mind, someone WILL find her. Your task is to find her & bring her back to the present before her power is exploited.

Kairi: Oh, perfect...will you be asking us to find Atlantis while we're about?

Jubilee: This is normal for me.

Kairi: Of course, you're the leader.

Romana: The power of the Phoenix has a distinct energy spike. When she awakens again, The TARDIS will alert you.

Jubilee: Well, in that case, we better get a move on. I wish we can stay & talk about a certain pal of yours, but we have things to do.

Kairi: Yes, although I'd think the whole 'destruction of the universe' thing would be old hat by now...

Romana: Uh, actually, I need to see Jubilee for a bit.

Kairi: You do?

Romana: Yes, there's some important girl talk that I need to give her. Run along now. K9, please escort Kairi & Ryoga around the grounds.

K9: Yes mistress.

(Kairi is led out by K9.)

Jubilee: So, you know about the whole mutation thing I'm going through?

Romana: Quite. It's something about humans that seems rather fascinating. But I wouldn't worry too much about that. I need to talk about Kairi.

Jubilee: Is there something wrong with him?

Romana: Well, in a matter of speaking, no. But he's starting to undergo a change himself. Do you remember his ill advised jaunt to Jusenkyo?

Jubilee: Yup. Hard to forget anything like that happening.

(In one of the many libraries of Gallifrey, K9 leads Kairi & Ryoga.)

Ryoga: Wow…look at all these books. There must be information on hundreds of worlds.

K9: Correction, Master Ryoga. The approximate number of worlds detailed in the libraries of Gallifrey is—

Kairi: That's quite fine, K9. I just need you to lead us into the Earth section.

K9: At once.

Ryoga: You look worried.

Kairi: I am. I've got a lot of responsibilities to maintain now.

Ryoga: I know.

Kairi: I mean, it's one thing to attempt two resurrections, but to try to maintain order in Earth & stay out of the bad graces of the Fan Fiction Guild? And now I learn that Jean needs to be rescued. Gez, how do you guys do it?

Ryoga: Never easy, trust me. As we go on, we have to keep our minds as sharp as possible. Why do you think Ranma is the best in our area? The guys mind is at his sharpest when he's in a fight. With women however, he's a bit of a dunce.

Kairi: A bit?

Ryoga: Ok, that may be mildly putting it.

K9: Earth Section, Masters.

Ryoga: Ah, look at this! Mousse would love this place.

Kairi: Where should we start?

Ryoga: Hmm, here's an interesting find. (Ryoga holds up a book which says 'The History of Ancient Earth Civilizations')

Kairi: Cool, let's see if they have anything on the Amazon village.

(As Kairi is handed the book, both he & the book glow orange. A few seconds later, he goes to the ground on one knee. Ryoga rushes to his side.)

Ryoga: Kairi!!

Kairi: I—I'm fine Ryoga…it's just going…to take me a minute.

Ryoga: K9, check on Kairi.

K9: Beginning prognosis now.

Kairi: Man, that was…

K9: Complete. Master Taylor's symbiosis period has begun.

Kairi: What? I don't understand…

Ryoga: I think I may know. K9, is the kitsune becoming self aware?

K9: Affirmative, Master Ryoga.

Kairi: Ryoga, what's going on?

Ryoga: Well, it's a bit of a long story…

(Back at Romana's office.)

Romana: The spring that Kairi fell in was unlike many of the Jusenkyo springs. It housed the spirit of a powerful kitsune, who had traveled to China in a bid to destroy a long time nemesis of his, a demon warlord named Kanaye.

Jubilee: Wait…Ev had told us before he left, Kanaye was reincarnated as Simon.

Romana: Yes, so it can be said that Kairi's trip was not coincidence at all. And now, the kitsune has begun to wake up.

Jubilee: Hmm, ever since the incident with Kairi's brother, it does seem that he's becoming a little more powerful. I hope he'll be ok.

Romana: I believe he'll be just fine.

(Back to the library.)

Kairi: So, that's my situation huh?

Ryoga: In a nutshell, yes. The two of you will be able to share each other's powers. I don't know what that power was, though.

Kairi: It was some type of information gathering skill, like in that episode of Buffy where Willow sucked out all the spells from the book store.

Ryoga: Really? Are you sure?

Kairi: Yes. Right now, not only do I have the info on the Amazon village, I have everything we need to find Atlantis. (As he stands, he slumps right back down.)

Ryoga: Not again.

K9: Master Taylor will be up momentarily.

(Kairi rises again, but this time his voice is noticeably different.)

'Kairi': Ah…I've forgotten how it feels to walk on legs. Hmm…no, it's not Earth, I suppose. Is this the place that kid was talking about? Quite grand indeed.

Ryoga: Kairi?

'Kairi': Kairi…Kairi…yes, that is my partner's name. How silly of me. I've spent so much time in his mind, I should know his name by now. Ryoga, right? Nice to meet you.

Ryoga: You too…what name do you go by?

'Kairi': Well, don't call me anything lame like Yami, 'kay?

Ryoga: Noted.

'Kairi': I'll think of a name later. But for now, let's look around a bit more. Gallifrey huh? Feels nice…

(Back to Romana's office.)

Romana: So, you understand what we need from you, right?

Jubilee: Yeah, I guess. But to be honest…(Holds up a TARDIS operating manual.) Maybe we should get Monet to come along with us. She's got a nice meaty brain on her.

Romana: I know, it does seem daunting. But I trust you'll manage. (K9 returns with the others.) Ah, you've woken up. I hope you can adjust yourself to a human body.

'Kairi': I'd say my presence is more beneficial for my partner.

Jubilee: Partner?

'Kairi': The one you call Kairi is not in the driver's seat at the moment. I'm that fox he turns into.

Jubilee: Ah, now know what you're talking about. But you've been aware you've been sharing that body with him…

'Kairi': Only recently. I was asleep for a very long time in that spring, so most of his initial experiences has been like dreams to me.

Romana: And you said that your presence in him was beneficial. I suspect that your minds are not the only thing mixed together.

Jubilee: Wait…his DNA.

'Kairi': Yes. Being together for so long can have that effect on people & mythical beings. I've said enough for the moment however. I'll see you all soon.

('Kairi' reverts back to normal)

Kairi: Wow…that's something I'll never adjust to.

Jubilee: You get possessed way too easily for me.

Ryoga: Me too.

Romana: Now, before you go, I have something for you from Washu. (Hands Jubilee & Kairi two watches.)

Jubilee: Neat, but do you have one in yellow? It clashes with my eye shadow.

Romana: Cute. These can be activated in the event of an emergency. You'll know when to activate them.

Kairi: How do you guys know Washu anyway?

Romana: Well she is a goddess, remember that. And the Time Lords have much influence throughout the universe. Jurai is one of the key areas we look after.

Jubilee: Well, this has been fun, but we have a few errands to run. I wish we could talk more.

Romana: Trust me, we will see each other again.

Ryoga: I hope so. Good day, ma'am.

Kairi: I don't suppose we can get our own K9, can we?

Romana: No.

Kairi: Darn. Ok, saddle up. We're going to Atlantis!

Jubilee: Since when did you know where Atlantis is?

Kairi: Since 20 minutes ago.

(The team leaves.)

K9: Mistress, an observation.

Romana: Go on, K9.

K9: Would it have been unwise to inform them that Dr. Henry McCoy wll be a most extremely dangerous opponent when they find the Phoenix?

Romana: K9, when the time comes, they will deal with it in the best way they know how. And if I had given the knowledge, I'm afraid of just what kind of havoc Jubilee would unleash. Especially when her 2nd mutation completes it's cycle.


	12. Chapter 3 Alpha

No Need For Farewells:

Chapter 3-Alpha:

By Kairi Taylor

The year: 2006. Place unknown to us.

He, the subject in question, sat in his swiveling plush chair, a smoothie in his hands and a smile on his lips. The dessert's appeal had finally been made apparent to him, it was so clear now why humans seemed to love the frozen delicacy. As he looked upon his various screens & notes, he also thought about the work he had been doing for the past few years, keeping tabs on the Earth Realm & all of the various events that had transpired.

What he was most proud of was the things he did for one mortal in particular, a young mutant named Jonothon Starsmore. The other Gods were rather hesitant to take part in the affairs of the universe, but he saw potential in the survival of the Earth. Many great opportunities laid at the feet of it's children, all they needed was a push & some motivation.

Not to mention rifts.

Well, to be fair, the rifts that came later were a bit of a surprise, even to one as him. He never considered that they would be intergral to the Earth's new lease on life, but it was very interesting how they were now used. And Jonothon, he was now quite the hero. He knew that by giving him a new body & a way to harness his mutant powers, he would eventually find a way to prove his worth to him.

Now all that remained was the cleanup from Marvel's attempted coup. But that can wait until later…


	13. Jono & Paige: Never Ending Romance

No Need For Farewells

Part 3: Jono & Paige: The Never Ending Romance (Or, Love Is So Damn Complicated)

By Kairi Taylor

2006

To say that Paige & Monet was surprised would be an overstatement of the obvious.

Before them stood their longtime teammate, Jonothon Starsmore, grinning from ear to ear, enjoying a cup of tea. Never mind the fact that he had a cup of tea in his hands, the mere fact he had a mouth to use was shocking.

"Girls, I have to tell ya," Jono said as he sipped at the cup, "you miss so many things when you don't have the ability to eat. The other day, I think I gulped down 3 large subs before Cyclops stopped me."

"Uh…are we seeing things?" Paige asked Monet.

"Definitely not." Monet replied.

"And then there was the gallon of orange juice I had the other day, man what is so addictive about the stuff…" Jono continued. "And BREATHING! God I missed having my own set of lungs. I can actually smell things now too! By the way, is Akane's cooking always that pungent?"

"Not at first, unless you had gotten downwind of the scent from---wait, you ate her food?"

"And lived to talk of it?" Paige added.

"More or less." Jono answered back, rubbing his sides. "I'm lucky my sides didn't explode."

"Ok, who are you & what have you done with Jonothon?"

"No tricks luv, it really is me. I mean, didn't you find it odd I have been hardly seen for the past 3 years?"

"No, people around here have a tendency to disappear at will. Nightcrawler had let us know you went off on some journey awhile back." Monet explained.

"Ah, I see. Well, I better fill you in on the story. See…"

2003

Jono stood at the window, staring off into the distant night. He was currently on a ferry bound for the city and his mood entrenched in yet another of his many states of despair & frustration. His former gal pal, Paige was seeing Warren, a senior member of the X-Men. Many different aspects of that revelation bothered the young Englishman. For one, he was many, many years older than her and no one seemed to notice this. And she seemed to get into a habit of falling for rich blonde men. Did I already mention he was much older than her? Seriously? Of course, Jono understood that Warren was a bit lonely. After all, Psylocke had bit the big one a while back & it didn't look like she was going to resurrect herself anytime soon. Jono himself wasn't exactly faring too well with the romance department himself either. His latest relationship was, in a matter of speaking, a freaking disaster. A British pop star? What was he thinking, really? One who was so transparent & manipulative & he actually thought he could pull a miracle off with that one. He certainly learned his lesson about human nature.

But when things got simplified, he found one thing had stuck; it all came down to his feelings about Paige Guthrie. Jono's constant distant behavior & sullen attitude was a barrier to some of the feelings he had still locked away, deep inside. He really did care about her a lot, despite the things he said. But then there was one other problem that kept tugging at his pant legs…

The huge gaping hole in his body.

The day that his mutant powers scarred him in ways that even he could not have possibly imagined. Distancing himself a times from his friends, shunned by his family, envy & frustration at the difficulty he had with handling the power, Jono had to deal with all of it. His luck with women was a problem too. Sure, girls did occasionally swoon at the mere mention of his name, but that was something he didn't particularly care for. The attention was nice, but he couldn't allow himself to get too close to a girl. He was afraid, greatly, of hurting someone as badly as his first one. Paige tried to understand, but his pride & concern continuously shut her out. He didn't really want to, but being as open as Paige was, that was hard for him. He had a hard enough time containing the rage he felt at his family. Jono had one other dilemma in his life. It was something he didn't want to divulge to anyone, something that was inevitably drawing closer.

He was dying.

The thing about mutant powers is, at the core, the most basic form of the mutant manifests itself at puberty. Jono's power, which was the psionic furnace that he possessed, came fiercely, in a manner that should have killed anyone else. By all accounts, having any type of energy burst forth from your body, eradicating most of your vital upper organs, would mean an instant demise. Jono survived, however. The theory among many is that the body that Jono had was a temporary one. In all the battles he had up to date, he had not bled once, not even from a scratch. He is said to have a pure energy form, a psionic essence so to speak. However, there is a problem. People like Bobby Drake & Johnny Storm are able to shift their bodies back & form from one state to another. (But the Human Torch was a bit different. Since he wasn't a mutant) Jono had no such luxury with his powers. He was stuck where he was, a man cursed with only a partial body. And slowly, but surely, he was losing it. As days waned, he found it harder & harder to keep his mind focused, as if he was slowly being separated from the world as he saw it. His limbs seemed to be getting lighter, as if energy was quietly leaking out. He didn't know how much time he had before his body would completely deteriorate; he just knew that his time was slowly running out. While working undercover, Weapon X temporally found a way to help him out, but the body he received was too weak & eventually it failed.

"Are you always gonna continue to mope like that, or is this going to be your trademarked look?"

Looking up, Jono regarded his current partner, Gaia. She had long left the team to explore the world on her own, hardly contacting the team unless there was something of vital importance to do, like laundry. Emma had wanted Gaia to come back to the academy & take her studies a little more seriously, but Gaia, ever mysterious girl that she was, opted to wait. She didn't explain why to Emma quite yet, but she assured her that she would return when she felt she was ready.

For now, she was traveling with Jono across the country, taking in many unusual sights as they did private investigations for a plethora of unusual clients. In one case, a certified public notary had hired them to figure out who had cast a death curse on his entire company. Turned out the CEO had done it, for reasons that are so complex & multi layered that it would take 5 chapters to explain it.

Jono turned to Gaia, who was eating a large pretzel. :Oh you know me, luv. Always the brooding type. Just become accustomed to sitting about, staring into the sky, a moody look in me glowing eyes. That's my whole gig, ya know:

"Because of the whole 'no upper' body thing, I know." Gaia sighed. "You do have friends to talk to, remember that."

:Me? Being open? Not something I'm easy with.:

"At least you have people to be open with. I have no family to talk to about my problems."

:Oh…sorry about that.:

"No, don't apologize for that, it's not your fault or anything." Gaia sat down, crossing her arms. "The circumstances concerning my own family were bad enough. I mean chaining me up there to stabilize that particularly useless realm, what kind of father does that? And I'm not familiar with Earth at all. I still had trouble just getting used to the idea of playing movies on a plastic round disc & that whole multiple Earth merger had happened."

I guess we both have something in common. Our parents are jerks. Still, you should swing by the academy sometime. Things are picking up a bit.:

"Maybe. It's gonna be a little strange seeing Monet again. I mean, we both had something with Everett. Actually, we had many things…"

:You know, you're the third one in the inner circle to have admitted to breaking down & getting horizontal with your prospective mate.:

"Uh actually, we went vertical. In my realm there is this technique where—"

:I DON'T NEED TO KNOW:

_And neither does the audience_

"Speaking of ex mates, what is up with Guthrie anyway?" Gaia inquired.

Paige Guthrie has lead a very interesting life so far. A young woman of high intelligence, excellent fighting skills & potential to someday lead the X Men (or so it is believed among certain teachers) she has done many great things & will go on continuing to do these feats.

But she wasn't doing anything of the sort now.

With the recent events that had come to pass, relations between the Earth & various planets throughout the universe had become to pick up & improve. Jurai, who had for multiple centuries considered the Earth to be under their care, decided to make the first step. They installed a embassy on each on of the Earth's major countries & encouraged the citizens of both planets to be cordial with one another. There were problems of course: ignorant humans being naturally distrustful of anything & Juraians who looked down on humans because they weren't as advanced or enlightened as they were. The prospect of meeting new beings however outweighed such illogical bull, so the alliance between Earth & Jurai was set within a few months time. Other planets, not wanting to look bad, also made the efforts to do the same & it was only a matter of time before ideas, as well as new technology & customs, were traded with the new neighbors.

It was at this point in time that the Galaxy Police, in conjunction with the Earth's governments, decided to set up a training facility/headquarters around the Earth. Working together alongside U.N.I.T. and others, the new GXP Training Academy was completed within 2 years time. The same academy that Paige now attended & would soon graduate from.

And at that moment, Paige, a mutant with the ability to change her sking into any material she saw fit to, a mutant who also now discovered she had a bit of super speed in her, was being taught by someone who is, by every calculation, the most dangerous form of packaged chaos theory ever to don a GXP uniform.

Mihoshi sat with Paige at the controls of their patrol ship, clipboard in hand. Kiyone, her long time partner, seated herself next to Mihoshi, her overly cautious gaze set upon the panel. Kiyone considered Mihoshi many things, but a competent instructor? Not a chance in hell.

"Ok Paige, today, we're going to continue with learning how to operate the weapons systems on your patrol ship. You're not nervous, are you?" Mihoshi asked.

"Oh, no, I'm fine. I'm kind of used to working with big machines." Paige said enthusiastically. "I like to work with programs like this anyway. I have to admit though, it is a little daunting." Mihoshi smiled, patting Paige on the head & assuring her "Don't worry. I was very nervous when I first learned to pilot this ship & I've found a way to improve."

"Have you now?" Kiyone muttered, choosing not to point out the recent path of destruction she inadvertedly caused. The thing with Mihoshi was that she had indeed caught the criminals she was after.

It was her service record, which was the problem. Mihoshi had caused extensive amounts of collateral damage in the years since she was a First Class Detective. And much of the funds in one department's budget had been allocated just to cover any potential damage left in her wake. It's not that the GXP didn't appreciate her work ethic. She was one of the most enthusiastic & dedicated detectives they had. She was just the equivalent to a mad bull in a mall full of china stores.

"For today's assignment," Kiyone said to Paige, "we're going to practice using these specialized concussion missiles. They are perfect for taking care of any large, heavily armored spacecraft. Alright Paige, take us through the process."

Rubbing her hands, Paige carefully went through the process. "First, run through the systems, make sure all the weapons are stable…check the radar to make sure we're not locked onto any friendly targets…shields are fine…and uh, wait, I know this, the next step is to…"

"Press this."

"Mihoshi, WAIT!"

Mihoshi had meant well. She meant to fire the missiles at the asteroid floating by the ship. The area was chosen specifically for such training exercises. But in her eagerness to help out Paige, Mihoshi pressed the wrong button. A pair of spiraling laser shots shot out from the ship's cannon, into the inky void.

"Wow…I've never seen that weapon before."

"Yeah, it's the newest weapon we just installed on the ship. I forgot we had been cleared to give it a field test."

"Oh, so that is good, right?"

"No, you dunce!" Kiyone snarled. "I did a second look & it turns out SOMEONE didn't make sure we were locked on to that asteroid! Good God, who knows what you just hit."

"Hey, we have an incoming com link." Paige sighed to herself, thanking the Power That Is for the quick interruption. One of the things she hated was seeing Kiyone being hard on Mihoshi for almost anything. The person contacting them was a fellow GXP officer. "Detectives, did that last laser shot come from your ship?"

"Uh, more or less…how bad is it? Did she hit a cruise ship."

"Actually, we called to thank you for the assist. We were trying to stop a stolen cruiser from escaping pursuit a while ago. The shield they had couldn't be broken and we were about to call for some backup, but your weapon was able to do the trick. Thanks!"

"Uh sure…" Kiyone's jaw had dropped & Paige smiled. Not all of Mihoshi's luck was bad. It turned out that the system was indeed locked on to two targets, the asteroid & the fleeing ship. Mihoshi just forgot she left that weapon inline.

Well, I bet you are wondering, just how did Jono get that new body anyhow? Ah, you kids are so impatient sometimes. But I think you need to know. It happened a year after the talk that Jono & Gaia had on the ferry. And the incident that had triggered him receiving a new body was a fight. A real big fight.

Jono's case was simple at first: get into a crime lord's hideout & retrieve intel on his smuggling deals in the city. However, when he had downloaded the info from his computer & tried to leave quietly, he was spotted by a guard who had taken a smoke break. And that's where things went straight to hell.

He stood in the center of the room, surrounded by bayous sized men in black suits, all wielding very nasty assault weapons. At the foot of the stairs was the leader himself, Mr. Rene Mercado, who had a face best described as what would happen if a Gargoyle & a Skrull had kids. "Pity kid, that you had to break into my little home away from home." he hissed.

:Yeah, and it's a bleedin' pity you look like you do.:

"Cute. Look, I'm in a bit of a hurry. I've got people to sell, profits to make, drugs to peddle. Tell me where that disc is & I swear I'll only just behead you."

:Sorry, but the US government doesn't take too kindly to slave traders. You understand. You should be able to explain it to them, since they will be here any minute.:

"Really? Somehow, I don't believe you. Boys, kill him."

Jono really wished he didn't have to resort to what he had to do. The stress on his body that day had slowly built up to the point where he could barely tell he had hands. Of course, with all the guns trained on him, he didn't seem to have many options opened. What he needed to do now would be nothing short of suicide.

:Oh well, at least I will literally go out in a blaze:

As the mobsters cocked their weapons, Jono clenched his hands & thrust them in the air. Then, with little or no warning, a sudden, bright burst of purple psionic energy burst forth in a tremendous arc, shattering windows, walls, guns & many a body. Rene himself was sent face first into a nearby wall. His looks still haven't improved to this day. As the remaining foes rose to their feet, they saw that Jono stood tall, two psionic swords formd in his fists.

"Aw, shit."

Gaia kicked the door down. She was praying that she had made it in time that day. The readings she had receive had all indicated what was going wrong with Jono's body. It was imperative she reached him if her "associate" was to do his work.

In the center of the chaos she found Jono, laying down on his side. His skin was a bright beige, his eyes burned with an intensity she hoped she would never see. It looked like his energy was literally leaking out. :Oh…good, you…got my text message…: Jono's speech was slow, but for the moment intelligible. Gaia smiled, seeing that she had indeed come at the right time. "Looks like you did some real damage, kid." Gaia carefully took the CD out from Jono's jacket. It was still safely intact, no damage done thanks in part to the special sleeves built in. "I'll make sure the feds get this but for now, we need to see a pal of mine." Creating a shield around his body, she added "He also has a bit of business with you."

The net time Jono opened his eyes, he found himself on a examination table in a large lab. Nearby was a wall of televisions, all for the moment turned off. The throbbing he had recently felt in his head was one & his breathing was calm, relaxed, at a pace of…

_Wait, did I just say breathing?_

Jono looked down towards his chest. The very first thing he noticed was that he wasn't wearing a shirt. In fact there was no indication of what was once a huge gaping hole there. He also seemed to possess, of all things, a mouth, nose, lungs, ribcage…you know, the normal things he should have. Not sure what to think, he raised his hand and concentrated. A plume of psionic flame formed in the palm of his hands.

"Ah, awake now? Good. Let's talk. Here, you might want to put this on."

A white t-shirt was tossed into Jono's hands. As he slipped it on, he was greeted by a man with round spectacles, wearing a black lab coat over his small frame.. He had short blond hair & yellow eyes. "Allow me to introduce myself. My name is Zeke & for all intents & purposes, I am a god."

"Ok…" Jono was a bit shocked, not just because of the body he had now seemingly regained, but more so because he was talking to someone who may be a deity. "I'm a bit confused though, since my experiences have taught me not to trust anyone who claims to be omnipotent. Just what the hell happened?"

"Kind of a tough way to explain…"Zeke pulled up a chair. "I'll start with me. I'm sort of a guardian over time on Earth. I monitor all the activities concerning the many time streams involved with that planet. The merging of several multiple Earths hasn't exactly made my job any easier, by the way. It's my duty to keep watch for any incidents that would alter the time rifts negatively & to correct any thing that would endanger life on Earth because someone would tamper with time space."

"Sounds fun."

"Indeed. I get to sample so many different foods when I got out on a mission. Like pilaf. Man, that is good eating!"

"Ok, but the whole time space deal, what does that have to do with me?"

"Well, to be frank, everything. Something big is going down & it involves some of your friends. Marvel is, or will, attempt to do something with the Earth that can be summed up as utterly catastrophic & I need all the help I can get. The last thing I need is for one of the chosen to die because he can't control his power."

"Ah, I see. Or I think I see. I would say I'm surprised but hey, Marvel has pulled some weird shit lately."

"Yeah. None of you know this, but these guys have been doing experiments in time dilation, temporal rift management, all that stuff. Whatever they got lined up, we need to have it stopped. You were chosen because of your potential leadership skills, but someone wants to make sure that certain people are out o the way. Your mutant powers were tampered with via a means of a discreet injection into your spine a while ago when you went undercover at Weapon X. Fortunately, since I am a god, I get to do cool things like save your ass."

"Thanks, I guess. And I will guess you didn't just give me a body for free."

"Yes I did. The only condition I ask of you is to save the Earth. Nothing wrong with that. Gaia's been doing a good job, last I heard."

"Right...wait, just where are we?"

"Oh this place? Long story, really. By the time I finished, a friend of yours will arrive to pick you up."

As for Paige, who also is important to this story, she was out with Kiyone celebrating her graduation from the academy. Kiyone swished her drink around in the small glass it was contained in as Paige drank another glass of Sprite. "Good thing this place serves in non alcoholic stuff. I'm a terrible drunk."

"I'm impressed by your work, you did real well in your time in the academy." Kiyone told Paige. "I think you're gonna make a great officer."

"Thanks, that means a lot." Paige replied. "Hey, where's Mihoshi?"

"She's off to see her mother." Kiyone sighed, downing another shot from her glass. Paige noted that Kiyone kinda looked depressed. "So, what's on your mind?"

"Me? Oh, just some paperwork I meant to take care of. It's been nagging at me all day."

"Really? Because the sad look you have in your eyes don't exactly say 'paperwork' so spill it."

"Ok, fine. Look, it may be the booze talking & I will totally deny this when anyone asks…but I miss Mihoshi."

"Yeah, I kinda figured so." Paige laughed.

"Don't laugh, it's all serious." Kiyone replied.

"Well, you have to admit, sometimes you are a bit hard on her."

"Let me tell you something, Mihoshi is a constant drain on my sanity. She sleeps in late, she destroys almost anything in her path on the job, she loses focus the minute something interesting pops up, she is so blatantly naïve it's troubling. Still…"

"Ah, there is more to the story."

"She's also very kind, trusting, dedicated to her friends. She gives Tenchi's dad half of her paycheck every month, goes out of her way to try to cheer me up. I mean, I've dedicated my life to getting promotions, always blaming Mihoshi for anything that I felt held me down. I barely managed to keep myself from strangling her when I was stuck in that weird dimension for a time."

"And then, when I had heard one time she had possibly been killed in duty," she continued "I had celebrated. I thought I was finally going somewhere with my life & that I would make a name for myself. That's when I realized just how much of a dumbass I was. I was actually HAPPY someone like Mihoshi died. Happy. What kind of a person does that/ It wasn't until I started thinking about it that up until I met with Tenchi & the others that I had no one to call friend. She was the only one who considered me one, so that's I guess I love her so much."

"Yeah, it must be the drinks." Paige agreed, refilling her drink. Of course, Paige had decided that she wouldn't inquire if Kiyone knew that the others suspected she had intense feelings for her longtime partner, but hey, we're going off topic.

"What about you? You're dating an older man. What's the deal with that?"

"Long story there. But it's nothing romantic really. We just like hanging out a lot, and mostly it's Warren musing about life & junk. He's still pining over Betsy."

"So if Jono was more open…"

"Yeah, I'd take him back in a heartbeat. But it'd take a miracle for that to happen."

Fortunately, the market for miracles was very productive.

Now lets go back to 2006, shall we?

On the porch of the academy, with Paige in his arms, resting her head on his shoulders, Jonothon Starsmore looked at the night sky, this time with not a moody look, but with a cheerful outlook. Paige sighed, cherishing the moment she had longed for. "So…just what do we do now?"

"Hmmm, good question. Let's start simple." Paige gently held the sides of Jono's head & kissed him deeply, a kiss that was, by the author's estimate, 5 years too long in coming. Jono broke off the kiss, looked deep into Paige's eyes & said to her "You know, there's something I've been meaning to get off my chest, pun intended, & I think I'm comfortable in saying it now."

"And that is…"

"BRACE YOURSELF FOOL!"

The two bodies that dropped down from the roof of the academy, next to the two lovebirds were Bobby Drake & Bishop. Who had volunteered to fix the roof. Bobby dusted his coveralls off. "I told you we were leaning out too far."

"Hey, ease dropping isn't an exact science you know!" Bishop shot back.

"I can see this will take time for everyone else to adjust to." Jono said to Paige.

And elsewhere, Emma Frost & Monet walked into a room in the Masaki residence to find 3 things:

1: A rice cooker

2. A table with some snacks long since eaten.

3. Kiyone kissing Mihoshi full on the lips. And Mihoshi, by the looks of it, happily enjoying it.

Emma turned to Monet, who gave her a questioning gaze.

"Not my handiwork."

Angelo: Ah, finally FANSERVICE!

Paige: Quiet you!

Jono: This lovey dovey stuff kind of goes on in the next chapter

Monet: Yes, we delve deep into the strange love between Mr. Cassidy & Ms. Frost

Angelo: So, just what keeps the two together anyway? And how did two maniacs like that get to raise a kid?

Emma: Who is insane, Mr. Espinosa?

Sean: A word with ya, lad.

Monet: We'll be sure to touch on that in Chapter 4.

Jono: A whole story without Jubs or Kairi again? Can we continue like this for another tale?


	14. Sean & Emma

No Need For Farewells

Part 4: Sean & Emma (Or, Strange Love)

By Kairi Taylor

2005

"So, what do you wanna do now?" Paige asked her teammate Monet as they sat down in the chairs they located in the main hall of the ship they were assigned to. The chairs were carefully located in a small corner, away from consoles or computers giving out any info they were not in the mood to handle. Of course, the whole crisis they were all facing was not one that can be ignored, not when the state of Time, the universe & all known reality was concerned. No, no young heroine can ever look away from such a huge task, but even they needed a time out, so to speak. And the problems that were hindering them were also a bit worrisome too; Angelo had yet to arrive to assist them, since all communications with Jurai had been lost. Jono was nowhere to be found. None of the X Men were readily able to join them since they too were needed elsewhere, which wasn't too bad since they were faced with a similar task. U.N.I.T. and the GXP had already engaged in their own joint operation. And then there was Jubilee. She had returned from her journey with Kairi & Ryoga over a year ago, in which the trio had managed to bring back Jean (as Monet had pointed out, her repeated deaths & rebirths were getting tiresome.) However after that all Hell broke lose. The Church of Humanity had attacked, leaving Jubilee severely injured and forcing Angelo to fake his own death (well actually, he was pretty damn near death to begin with, and without the timed intervention of various parties, it would have been permanent). After the fallout, Kairi had returned, a student in tow, insisting that Jubilee be taken somewhere safe for further training. He was rather vague about who she would train under, or for that matter who his student was, or where he had been himself, but Jubilee agreed. That was the last time any of them saw the two. Of course, there was the main problem at hand. Two different parties were trying to gain control of the universe. One was comprised of villains everyone believed were dead or incarcerated, led by Emplate. (Yes, we almost forgot about him, didn't we? Well, he figures into the story) The other faction was led by Marvel itself. The motives for why Marvel took it upon themselves to tamper with the laws of the universe will be covered shortly. But you won't like it, I assure you.

"I want to go over this thoroughly before we do anything rash." Monet said, point blank. "The team we have now is low on manpower, and we have no idea how the temple defenses will be when we get there. I trust the equipment we have will have to do for adequate protection given what we know my brother has acquired, but Marvel's another matter altogether. They have very creative minds at their disposal & they have a lead on us."

"True, but that's the point: Marvel tends to squander their most valuable resources." Paige pointed out. "And I don't think they calculated what would happen with Wanda quite yet. So we've got a small bit of time on our side."

"Now that just leaves what we will need to do when we get to that chamber," Monet sighed "and I do not like the idea of what will happen if we manage to fail."

"Aside from the complete collapse of our known reality, I don't worry too much about those details. We've got enough to worry about in regards to just staying alive. And if anything happens, we could do what Washu suggested and—"

"I'm not too fond of that idea myself. Relocating is bad enough. Going there will be a pain in my ass."

From across the room, Emma Frost watched her former students holding their conversation. She looked away after a few minutes, staring at the file she was given by Washu. The plan in question was going to be tricky to pull off, she knew that. She had spent countless years training & executing countless missions such as this. However, the enormity of how much it meant was slowly getting to her. She had just started her own family with Sean, she was beginning to enjoy the prospects of raising her own. Everything was slowly working out.

Then the attacks started. The world was in a state of panic. And to top it off, Macy's was closed indefinitely. That was the straw that broke her back.

"A penny fer your thoughts lass?"

Sean's hand was on her shoulder. She looked at him & said "I think we need a bit of a walk around the decks."

The two walked, hand in hand, recalling the past few months they spent with their daughter Hope at the academy. As they held their conversation, Bobby Drake took notice of them as he worked on an engine part with Rogue. "Funny, ain't it? Those two never seemed like they could ever hit it off, and here they are, years later, head over heels over one another."

"I always thought she had a thing for me." Bobby replied. "Or at least Scott."

"Hon, are you kidding me? Emma & Scott! Not even in a million years!"

"C'mon, she is attracted to guys like him. Well, maybe."

"I doubt it. Scott's a bit too squeaky for her, ya know? And 'sides, Jean is more than the type for him. Sean & Emma are perfect for each other."

"The way those two acted before, I'd laugh my ass off if you told me they'd raise a kid within a year together."

"Stranger things have happened. Look at the Batman."

"You think that guy & Catwoman—"

"Totally into each other. No one can resist a woman in tight leather like that."

"There's someone in Alpha Flight who would disagree with that assumption."

"But remember what happened when she got herself knocked up?" Rogue said to Bobby. "That was a weird day…"

1998

"So, you too finally broke down & gave in to your more primal desires, huh?"

Hank McCoy, the Beast, had to chuckle to himself. In his experiences as an X-Man & as an Avenger, he bore witness to many an odd sight. As a scientist, he saw & performed miracles that many scientists could only dream, of doing. This one however, this bit of news simply rocked him.

Sure, the X-Men had quite a bit of romantic drama in it's long existence. Rogue and Magneto, for example, was a romance that was hard to anticipate, let alone fathom. And Cyclops seemed to get hit on. A lot. Especially by anyone with telepathic/telekinetic abilities (see Psylocke, Jean Grey).

And their sexual history…is something rarely talked about. Really, if you are Rogue, sex is the last thing on your mind. The mere act of a light peck alone could knock Gambit out, imagine what something other than groping could do to him? And don't get started on Nightcrawler. 'Party Animal' was coined with him in mind, despite that devout Christian upbringing he has. (And for the the record, anything Chuck Austen has to say about Kurt Wagner, especially on the X2 DVD, is labeled under the file 'eternal bullshit')

So, that brings us to Dr. McCoy's office, a week after the 'party liaison' at Kairi's home. The two sat across from Hank at his desk. Sean looked, in all honesty, pale & shook up, beads of sweat actually dripping off his red beard. Emma, who was normally a picture of calmness, had bags underneath her eyes. Sleepless nights and morning sickness had just begun to take their toll.

"Dr McCoy, you have to understand," Emma started "that our students don't exactly know how to take this. We have them take classes in a seclude mansion, with barely any human contact, we haven't exactly warmed up to one another…"

"Aye, I can attest ta that."

"And now, thanks to one night of seemingly innocent drinking, we find out we are going to become parents."

"Yes, every test seems to confirm Washu's immediate analysis." Hank agreed, a look of wonder on his face. "Although, I must say I am rather intrigued at her ability to make such a fast diagnosis. I really need to ask her to lend some of her talents over at the St. Anthony Research Center. I do believe they have some samples of…"

"Hank, focus." Sean interrupted. "We're a bit confused 'bout our current situation, so understand if we are quite a bit on edge. You realize we can't exactly send her on any missions right now."

"Not to mention this is the first time an X Man knocked up a fellow X man." Emma pointed out.

"Should we be proud of that?"

"I doubt it. Well, at least it wasn't Beast and Reyes."

"Please note the offense taken with that remark." Hank uttered. "Since we all now have the knowledge that Emma is expecting a child soon, I will prescribe the one thing both are you are in severe need of."

"That being…"

"A date."

Sean stood up from his chair., a look of shock washed over his face. "Now hold on a sec there, Hank! Some o' us are not exactly prepared ta do this! I still 'aven't explained to me own daughter that she'll be gaining a sibling soon! And Moira…"

"Moira is a big girl, she can handle it. What, you afraid that I will seduce you and lead you into a night of wild, passionate, hedonistic love making?"

"Uh, how do you think this all started?"

A short time later, Sean walked on the grounds of the Xavier Institute, hands in pockets, head pointed directly downwards. There was several things he could make do with right now. A glass of beer, a tranquilizer, some whiskey, a massage, bourbon, ANYTHING that would dull the shock of the nights events. Obviously, the alcohol should be dismissed since it was the catalyst for his new turn in life, not to mention that it could enforce the stereotype of Irishmen & drinking. The prospect of being a father again did delight Sean however; he wanted a second shot at being a dad, and he did feel he hadn't spent enough time with his firstborn, Theresa. The downside was that he would have to share the responsibility with Emma. Not that he hated her or anything; it was just that…it was tricky. It would mean he would have to openly admit at some point he found Emma to be somewhat desirable. Not that she wasn't believe me, but he had suppressed any feelings he had for her so that he could focus on running the academy. The kids needed strong, well disciplined adults ready to help them go into battle, not panicky angst ridden people who could have an emotional outburst at any given second. (Ok, so I just described most of late 90's X-Men, sue me). Now that they were expecting a child, things would change. He could adapt to change. Just not as easily as some.

"Sean, there you are, I've been looking for you!" The voice belonged to Scott, who was dragging a rather large foot locker atop of a pushcart. The leader of the X-Men had on his standard ruby red visors instead of his sunglasses and said "I wanted to ask you about something, but I didn't get a chance. We've been installing this new stereo system for the recreation room for some time now & I just got around to installing some subwoofers."

"Mate, if it's about my date with Emma, I can get all the advice I need." Sean replied. Scott blinked, or at least you thought he blinked, as he carefully chose his words. "Uh, actually, I was about to ask you how Jubilee was doing in biology. I was her tutor in it for some time. But you and Emma? Wow, that's…I don't know what to say."

"You're not the first one. This is my first date in some time though, since me an' Moira broke up. To top it off, it's with a woman I work wit' every day."

"I'm sure it's going to work out." Scott assured him. "If she thought you were a complete waste of her time, she would have immediately screamed 'No' at the top of her lungs while running, cursing the name of all holy beings everywhere."

"That happened to you?"

"No, Warren when he asked out a red haired woman the last time he went clubbing. Wings popped out at just the wrong time."

"Aye, that will do it."

"There are a couple of things you should know, though, about dating any female with telepathic abilities," Scott stated matter of factly "and the key one to remember is that you should never have ANY errant thoughts of the woman, no matter what she looks like."

"Right. Done."

"No, you're already having thoughts of her. Nude I imagine."

"No, I'm not. Er, on second thought, now I have them."

"Harder than it sounds, huh?"

"Yeah, how did you manage with Jean?"

"Not very easily," Scott sighed "and she was around me a LOT."

Jean had to chuckle. Listening in to the thoughts of her husband was often amusing, especially when it came to the subject of sex & dating.

"Just how did you manage to date Scott with all the thoughts of you in the nude racing through his head?" Emma asked.

"I have my methods." Jean replied. "And you should see some of the things he thinks about involving me. Or me and another female."

"Actually, I had. Once. It was a couple of stray thoughts he had in there. One involved Elektra."

"Wow, never thought he had anything for HER. So, what are you going to do about the date with Sean?"

"Well, I do think it is time we both got better acquainted with one another," Emma answered, stroking her chin in thought 'seeing as we will now become parents. It's not like we hate each other or anything like that. He is rather…desirable. But he's a bit hard to approach. He seems afraid of commitment with women. I can understand that though, I mean the divorce from Moira was hard on him. But I wish he could get past that & try to be a little more open."

"Broken hearts take some time to mend." Jean pointed out. "This was a particularly strong relationship the two shared."

"Yeah, and I kind of feel now that if we date now, he'll start to compare me to her & I'll be ticked off enough to mind bolt his ass to oblivion right before I…HEY! You just had a thought of him without his shirt on, didn't you?

"Maybe. It's not like you haven't."

"I have enough of them to fill 3 calendars."

As you all know, the two kept on dating on another. Eventually, the two got married, amid circumstances that would be later labeled as 'chaotic'. But an interesting conversation took place in the months before the hasty nuptials took place.

The conversation was between Sean and Washu. It took place as the two ate in the local diner in Salem over pancakes. And the subject was marriage.

"You're asking me for advice on popping the question?" Washu said to Sean, who was cutting through the first of his pancakes.

"Aye. I've been thinking about it for some time now. I know I'm not exactly forthcoming, but I really do care 'bout Emma a lot. An' I don't want me child to be born out of wedlock."

"Oh, I'm sure she'll be receptive to your proposal," Washu agreed "and I'm glad you brought this up. I have some marriage business of my own to discuss."

"Huh? You mean…you an'—wait, I thought that the two of you had just a professional relationship. I mean, sure, you have a child an' all but…"

"This isn't about me! No, it has to do with Hideo. Just look this over." Washu fished out a folded piece of paper from her pockets & handed it to Sean. Opening the paper, Sean looked it over and arched her eyebrows. "Washu, this paper…am I reading this correctly?"

"Quite."

"Lass, this is America. I know they do things differently in Japan, but we do not just propose arranged marriages. ESPECIALLY when the groom hasn't been able to walk upright & the bride has yet to EXIST."

"Oh, don't worry about that, this will work out. I've already talked to Emma on this & she agreed."

"Emma? I'm surprised at her. But what are ya basing this on?"

"Calculations for one."

"CALCULATIONS! Washu, this is love we're talking about 'ere. It has to come naturally. People just can't hitch up with each other because a calculation says it will happen."

Washu smiled that strange, mysterious smile o hers. The type of smile that indicated she knew more than she was really letting on. "Sean, please, trust me. It's more than just calculations. There are some very good reasons why I want this to pass. Besides, I happen to be a Goddess. And a major league one to be quite precise. We don't just do things like this without serious thought."

Sean considered what she said. In all honesty, it sounded pretty crazy what she wanted. But seeing as how she made it clear she knew what was going to go down, he sighed & relented. "Honestly lass, I hope you're right."

"Trust me. All love needs sometimes is a little push."

If Sean had paid closer attention, he'd had caught on; he'd have picked up Washu's little hint & figured out she was talking about him & Emma. He would have known that from the start, Washu had quietly set things in motion to allow the two to fall in love & get married. The reasons why Washu did this will, of course, be revealed. But for now, let us get back to the present.

"Emma, something weird is going on." Sean said to her as the two walked down the corridor that led to the mess hall.

"You mean aside from the whole universe possibly being removed from existence?" Emma said.

"Yeah, that. Remember when I had tried to save that plane some time ago?"

"Oh do I! Honey, I told you that you hadn't completely healed & you went off & tried to help those people on your own. When will you stop being so impulsive?"

"When you dress more sensibly woman. That's not the point though. Something weird happened up there. Right when I got there, it felt like something latched onto me an' I couldn't make heads or tails of what I was doin'. It felt like something was drainin' me from the inside."

"That is weird. And you still don't know how it got there?"

"Aye. But I lucked out. Someone knew where I was gonna be at the right time & pulled me out of there. The only question is who."

"Well, we do have a lot of allies. We'll know about it in due time. Oh, I guess you want to know why I've been regulated to managing things here on the ship rather than on the temple grounds."

"Because you're allergic to dust?"

"No, because I'm pregnant."

Of course, there were other events happening beyond their knowledge. Such as the conversation happening right now somewhere.

"Ah! There, it was touch and go for a bit, but I've pulled it off."

"Just barely. You had barely a second to home in on Sean Cassidy. Any longer & he really would have died."

"True, but that second was all I needed. With Angelo Espinosa we had to let Kairi do it himself, and he managed to work it out just fine. Now we know the extent of what kind of damage Marvel is doing to Time."

"The current damage they have done is troublesome enough. If they succeed in their operation, I'm afraid the damage will not just affect this universe. Countless others could feel the repercussions for eons."

"I know. 500 something years of experience in these matters & I can still never see the bright side of Armageddon. Right, take care of things here, I'm off to see Kairi & the others. It's high time they met The Elder."

Angelo: The rumors of my demise have been greatly exaggerated.

Kairi: I can vouch for that!

Angelo: Unknown to Marvel, I've been studying on Jurai for the past few years as an exchange student.

Jubilee: And he's been falling in love too!

Kairi: Sure it ain't 'lust'?

Angelo: The point is, you'll soon find out what I've been doing in Jurai & how I got myself married.

Jubilee: The name of the next chapter is 'Angelo Goes to Jurai'. Oh, & I return.

Kairi: Me too!

Angelo: So what's this about a student?

Kairi: You meet her there too.


End file.
